You've got bigger things to worry about. A something-too-scary-to-look-at comes for you

Your eyes become glued, transfixed by sheer awesomeness. Your mind bows in reverence. You are enraptured.

In the forest in front of you, a pattern emerges. The light above comes, not from one source, not one sun but from all around the sky - a ever-present glow of pure luminescence. The plants around are gifted with light equally, and in their genetic perfection grow equally; each one of the same species a mirrored copy of the other... but each one also still individual, a single piece of a larger tapestry of flora. A garden, shaped not by the whims of nature, but instead deliberately as a vast, incomprehensible work of perfect divine art.

Your mind doesn't grasp any of this. It is entranced by something far greater. One tree of its kind is different. Unique. It is unique because you peed on it (making a rather intricate design of your own using your steaming yellow stream as your medium) and when you did, a single perfect leaf wilted and fell, and swooping through the air it landed right on the still-wet head of your stinky dick.

It stuck, and now you hardly dare to breathe lest you disturb something so glorious. You wish with all your black little heart that you had been allowed a cell phone so that you could take a picture of your perfect moment.

A wind blows, knocking the leaf loose. You pout and cross your arms, vexed to the point of losing your usually flawless composure.

The wind grows, and carries a noise with it. A faint buzzing.

The buzzing becomes louder.

The buzzing is no longer buzzing. It is a scream. Inarticulate rage, carried impossibly far by an unnatural wind. It grows. It comes for you.

Your armpits begin to sweat. You wonder if you really just peed, because you feel the need to pee again.

The scream fills the air now, vibrating in your body, causing your very bones to writhe uncomfortably as they shake to the pulse of divine fury. You try to scramble away, but fall clumsily on your face, and enter the fetal position sobbing for your mother. The screaming stops. The silence is almost worse than the screaming. Something is near you.

ohshitohshitohshitohshit...

"ON YOUR FEET, WORM." A female voice rattles your skull. It is deep with rage. "WE HAVE COME TO CLAIM VENGEANCE."

You have a deja vu experience of having been in almost this exact situation with your ex girlfriend once. It didn't end well for you back then, but...

..But you didn't have a magical blowjob ticket then (wouldn't that have been fantastic?). The thought of it soothes your fear, gives you comfort. Fumbling only slightly, you clutch your paper shield close to your chest, hoping it's enough. You rise on your wobbly, bony knees.