Xander Harris, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Xander stared. He wished he could do anything else but he was waiting for his brain the reboot. So he just stared.

The Demon he was staring at sighed after ten seconds of mindless gawping and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you want me to explain it to you. Again."

Xander jerkily nodded his head.

D'Hoffryn, Demon lord of Arashmaharr held up his free hand and in his palm a cell phone suddenly appeared. The device was slim, sleek and shiny, looking like advanced tech only seen in movies.

"I want you to use this device to punish Anyanka." The demon said.

Xander cleared his throat and spoke, "Uh... how exactly? And,erm, why me?"

D'Hoffryn rolled his eyes. He was not going to explain exactly how the magic of the device worked again. But the second question was a good one.

"The how is magic. The same way that I allow my subordinates to grant wishes." D'Hoffryn the grinned, "As to why you? Well, my boy, its because under the right conditions you have the right mind set to be one of my subordinates."

Xander stepped back, "This is a job interview?"

D'Hoffryn barked out a laugh, "Hardly. While you can be roused to a truly frightening vengeful fury it's not normally in you. And while I can admire the brutality of your Vengeance it is a bit... derivative." The demon smiled, "To put it a way you'd understand: you'll never make it to the majors but you can play in the minor leagues."

Xander opened his mouth to say something and then thought better of it. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Yes. Now moving on." D'Hoffryn nodded his head, "Why you? You specifically because you are the crux of Anyanka's failure. You are what brought her to the Hellmouth and you are part of why she failed me. So you will be part of her punishment."

"Isn't the whole being human thing punishment enough?" Xander asked.

"I would have thought so but as we speak Anyanka has duped your little redheaded witch friend into helping her try and circumvent my punishment." D'Hoffryn raised a finger and waved it warningly, "No one cheats D'Hoffryn. No one!"

"Right. Yes. Important safety tip." Xander nodded his head. "Don't fuck with the Demon Lord."

The demon smiled at the frightened boy. "Yes, indeed."

"But-" Xander trailed off as the Demon Lord glared at him. With a small squeaky voice he pushed on, "Uhm, how do you expect me to make it happen? Anya, uh, or Anyanka doesn't want anything to do with me so how am I going to get her to agree to even be in a room with me?"

D'Hoffryn canted his head to the side and considered for a second. Finally he answered Xander. "First, I will appear before Anyanka and tell her that she must spend time with you as further punishment. Second, I will arrange for your schooling to overlap with hers. Thirdly, you will approach Anyanka and tell her you wish to make peace and be on good terms, should she ever recover her powers."

Xander blinked and blanched at that last bit, "Is she? Uhh, is she gonna... get her powers back?"

D'Hoffryn chuckled, "Not in your life time."

"Oh thank god." Xander sagged in relief.

"Now, anymore questions?" D'Hoffryn held up the phone again.

Xander blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "I mean.... Yeah, tons. But... also no, not a one."

D'Hoffryn stared at the boy in confusion over that contradiction.

Xander gestured to the phone, "I get the set up. I understand the game. I understand I get Anya to do what I say or want. I understand I earn points. I understand 'pass me the salt' is one point while 'strip naked and streak thru the school' is one hundred. I understand I get a bonus when I hit a certain point number."

D'Hoffryn nodded along.

"But I've got a bunch of... like, rules lawyer questions and junk about particulars and certain situations."

D'Hoffryn nodded in understanding. "Ah, well, in that case I can add in a helpline should you ever find yourself with questions about a situation."

"Many thanks." Xander bowed.

D'Hoffryn proffered the phone again and Xander slowly reached out a hand.

Before he grabbed the phone Xander caught the eye of the Demon Lord and said, "You understand this is going to take awhile, yeah. This is going to be months of chipping away at her in ones and twos. You understand I might even be killed before I get anywhere."

"That is true." D'Hoffryn pursed his lips. He pointed a finger at Xander and a small spark of energy jumped from D'Hoffryn into Xander. He then vanished the phone lying on his palm and replaced it with with a silver version of the same phone.

"What just happened?" Xander asked looking around.

"I... adjusted your probability to danger. While you can still be killed it is now more likely you'll just be seriously wounded. Crippled for life perhaps. An arm ripped off or such."

"Oh joy." Xander laughed nervously. "T-thank you?"

D'Hoffryn smiled beatifically.

"A-and the phone?"

D'Hoffryn grinned at him, "This is the new and improved 'unlocked' version. This new phone allows you to earn points by targeting any woman. The more women the more points. Any woman at all. Like certain ex girlfriends who are spilling family secrets told in confidence to any of her little peons who will listen."

Xander grabbed the phone up in flash, " on Cordy and the Cordettes?" He grinned at the pleased looking demon lord of Arashmaharr, "Well... why didn't you just say that in the first place."

D'Hoffryn smiled smugly. was so so easy to sell. But he did have to admit he was mildly curious to see what young Mister Harris would do with an unlimited scope of influence.