Waking Up Optimistic

I wake up early, because last night I had some trouble sleeping, with all of the thinking I did. I’m not feeling like going to sleep again, so I decide to do some stuff until everyone wakes up, but the first thing is to think some more - Well, new day, new me, right?... I guess I haven’t really changed so much since I came here, I mean, I still look the same, I talk the same, I behave the same… There’s no reason why anything shouldn’t be the same now, it’s going to be just like my old life… Except for the friends I lost, my nice home, all the memories I made there, and… Shit, maybe things are not going to be the same, but that’s fine.

I quickly realize that I have to say goodbye to my old life, but since I can’t do that quite yet, I just try to ignore those pessimistic thoughts I had last night, to replace them for more positive ones. So with a new optimistic mentality, even when it’s ****, I try to start my day in a high note, so I can soon become used to this new life, which could actually offer me a lot of possibilities, and make me more happy than ever -- again, I doubt it, but it’s better not to think about it right now.

I start by organizing my room, cleaning up all the bags and boxes from yesterday, and see where I can store my clothes, electronics, toys, and such - Yes, I still have toys, there’s no way I’m abandoning Teddy. It takes me a while to do so, but after an hour, I have my room tidied up a little more, my bed looking nice, and Teddy on top, guarding my room at all costs. I need to keep myself as busy as possible, since that’s the only way I don’t think about my old life, so I decide to do something else -- and since it is still early, I go to the house, and explore it a little bit more.

I walk downstairs, and now that I have some time to look around the house, I realize that it is fairly big. The first floor has the living room at the right of the entrance, which is also where the stairs are located. I’m not sure if that’s the living room, since on the second floor there is already enough space right outside my bedroom, but maybe we could have two living rooms - Nice. The house is pretty much empty, without any furniture, but I think today we are bringing all of our stuff from our old house, and I even think mom has bought a few more stuff, and I’m expecting the whole house to be completely furniture.

So as there’s not much to see, I continue exploring the space we have in our new house. At the left of the entrance is mom’s bedroom, and I can’t see if there are any more rooms in that direction, but one day I will find out.Following the hallway straight from the door leads me to the kitchen, a small dining area, and the glass door to the backyard, which is looking pretty nice.

I don’t step outside, but I can see a bunch of trees, not only in the distance, but near our backyard, as well as some bushes, and a lot of plants. Our backyard seems small, but just because it’s crowded with plants, and apparently we do have a small pool, but it’s currently empty, so I know I can enjoy the summer at home. It is probably the best backyard I’ve ever had, even when it was the only one I’ve had before -- in reality, this one is not too impressive, but still above average.

I try not to get distracted with the backyard, and instead focus on the kitchen, because I’m now a little hungry. We at least have some kitchen supplies, and I’m mom is going to fill this kitchen with all sorts of decorations, maybe plants, and whatever she needs to cook her usual delicious meals. I know she always likes to transform her workspaces into something she is comfortable with, and I’m sure this kitchen is going to be the subject of a major renovation, and thankfully there’s a ton of space to improve it - Also, it’s not like mom works in the kitchen, it’s not her job, it shouldn’t be… That came off a little sexist, but I mean that she loves to cook like it’s her job because she puts so much passion an-... Anyway, this kitchen looks nice.

As I start to cook my breakfast, I start comparing this new house to my old one, which definitely felt bigger, and more expensive, but this one feels cozy, calm, and it’s in a quiet neighborhood, so that’s a plus. It still feels strange to live here, mainly because of the lack of furniture, but I’m sure it will take me a couple weeks to adapt to it, and maybe I could even grow to like it. I don’t know, but I’m trying to keep an optimistic mindset, and this couldn’t be the better time to do so.

In the middle of cooking, I hear mom’s bedroom door open. I instantly know I have to greet her, be nicer with her, and since I still feel a bit guilty for what happened last night, I decide to cook her some breakfast. I need to let her know I’m much more positive about this huge change in our lives, even though I have to fake it - I mean, it’s better to lie to her than be mean, I don’t want to see her sad again...

"Good morning honey… Mmm, what are you cooking?” - mom greets me, as she slowly walks to the kitchen, not even stepping into it before asking me about breakfast. I turn around to look at her, she looks like a mess, not only like she is very sleepy, but like she had nightmares. I remember that I heard some sobbing coming from her bedroom last night, so I’m pretty sure she spent the whole night crying, and I can’t help but feel ashamed for not being able to comfort her. But since it’s a new day, I try to forget about it, and just be optimistic.

“I’m cooking eggs and bacon, your favorite…” - I reply in a friendly tone, with a big, bright smile, which makes mom laugh. I wasn’t planning on cooking for her, and since I only know how to cook basic things, this is all I can offer to her, but it seems like it still makes her happy - I’m not even sure she likes eggs and bacon that much, but I’m just trying to be nice.

"For me?? Ohh, thank you honey, you didn’t have to…” - mom asks me in surprise, with a sweet smile, and clearly moved by my kind actions. I chuckle at the idea of making mom so happy with such a simple thing, but I’m glad I can make her feel better than last night. It always feels good to be helpful around the house, and I’ve always tried to do house chores, but I stopped when I got distracted with highschool -- but since it clearly pays off, I think it’s a good time to start doing them again.

Mom walks into the kitchen, reaches for a kiss on my head, then grabs a few cups, so she can prepare coffee, and sets the table, and waits patiently for my eggs. I only cooked for one person, but I can cook for myself later, I let mom eat breakfast first, and she enjoys it. But after I serve her food, and go back to cook for myself, I can hear her tasting her meal, and then hear her talking to me again.

"Do you want to go out and explore the city? I've heard there's a lot of things to do here, so maybe you can keep yourself busy while we wait for school to start" - mom asks me casually, but startles me more than ever, to the point I almost drop the pan with my eggs and bacon. Oh shit, school… Wait, school?? Haven’t I already graduated?? - I ask myself in confusion, before I realize that mom is probably referring to college, although her tone sounded way too casual for it to talk about college. But as she notices my reaction, apparently she knows how anxious I am to go to college, and she has an idea to soothe my worries.

"No need to worry about that right now, I can only tell you that it’s a special school with special education" - mom says, with what sounds like a playful tone, which catches my attention once again.

"Wait, a special school... Do I have a mental disability or what?" - I ask in even more confusion, but now turning around to mom, so she can explain to me what this special school is about. But after my joke makes her chuckle, she seems to be **** to talk about it, and seems to be trying to avoid the topic.

"Oh no, it is just like highschool but designed to act like college... you'll see" - mom replies nonchalantly, but I’m still confused by her vague answer. A highschool designed to act like college?? Is that even possible?? I’m not sure that would even work… although it would be nice to relive highschool once again - I ask myself, with a bit of curiosity, but mostly skepticism, because I don’t know how a concept like that could work, or how it would be like. But as I don’t want to think about it, I try to keep cooking, and let school become the least of my worries -- even though I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to start college in a couple weeks.

After mom brought up the topic of school, I briefly thought about it, and quickly moved on to eat. I’m honestly more worried about enjoying this food than going to school, I just don’t want to imagine how horrible it could be. But as I join mom at the table, and she continues eating breakfast, we both share a silent eating moment, where I don’t pay much attention to her, not until she talks again.

"So are you going to explore the city?" - mom asks me again, but now more relaxed, as she takes a sip of her coffee, while I just try to enjoy my breakfast. Hmm, maybe… I don’t know… - I think to myself, but don’t respond to mom, because I can tell she has something else to tell me.

“You could take your sister with you and have fun, I think I should stay for all the companies coming to install some services… We also have all of our furniture arriving, so it’s going to be a busy day… You should have some fun instead of doing all of this boring stuff…” - mom follows up, and almost convinces me with her tempting idea. I do think it would be better to go outside, because I’m sure today the house it’s going to be filled with middle aged sweaty men, and it’s going to be loud as hell. But since it seems like I have to go with my sister, I pretty much instantly refuse mom’s idea -- but still consider it, just because I know mom wants me to.