Try and break in to your own apartment

Steve has known you since college, he knows you better than anyone even your own family. If you can’t persuade him you are for real him no one is ever going to believe you. If you can’t…? Well, you just have to convince him that’s all there is to it.

Filled with new resolve you set about getting back into your apartment. You spend several minutes hammering on the door and screeching obscenities to no good effect. Lucky for you the neighbours are used to this kind of behaviour from girls leaving Steve's apartment and none of them calls the cops. After you exhaust your vocabulary of swear words and badly bruise your hand it becomes clear that he is not going to just to open the door for.

You decide a different strategy and head for the alley behind the apartment building. The alley is strewn with rubbish and stinks like an open drain. You gag as your bare foot squelches in something rotten.

“Eww gross.” You say resisting the urge to giggle at how girlie you sound.

“Yeah. I’m like totally a girl, you know?” you tell the empty alley in your best valley girl voice. “I just gotta get up that fire escape, you know? Tee-hee”

You **** yourself to stop talking, disturbed at how convincing your bimbo impersonation and worried by the edge of hysteria creeping into your voice. Instead, you concentrate on not stepping on anything sharp or squishy until you reach an overflowing dumpster. If can you pull it over to the fire escape you can then scramble up and get back in through the kitchen window.

Taking a firm grip you heave on the heavy dumpster, nothing. You try again grunting with the effort, still, it won't budge. Just an hour ago this would have been easy, now it seems like a Herculean task. Refusing to give in you take a firmer grip and strain with all your might. Only for your feet to slip, landing you a pile of garbage. Your peachy new butt cushions you a little but not much. And after all that the dumpster hasn’t moved an inch.

“Fuck!” you swear “Can today get any fucking worse!”