The Princess Prince

You rub at your temple, trying to fight back your growing headache as you read entries almost at random. The Devout Prince? Skip. Centaur Prince? Style points for sure, but you would probably wind up in the horse half of the costume, your face in some dude's butt all summer. The Were-Prince? What, you're a peasant whenever it isn't a full moon? You're convinced that's the most absurd option in your orientation pamphlet until the moment your eyes land on "The Princess Prince".

You had to have gotten this one by mistake, right? Though you admit, it's one of the funnier options you've seen so far; the descriptive cartoon has a busty little princess in a suit of armor, striking a bold pose while she flashes you a victory 'V'. Several more appropriately attired princesses cling adoringly to her legs, and you can help but notice the frankly absurd codpiece that juts out from her groin. It's possible it's the increasing lightness in your head screwing with you, but it looks like they are actually offering you the opportunity to play a giant-dicked lady knight. You've already decided you're going to call their bluff as you read aloud the descriptive text. This is definitely a joke.

Princes get to have all the fun! Riding horses, hitting things with swords, accepting swooning adoration; it's just not fair. Well no more! You're going to enter this contest and prove that when it comes to giving princesses what they need, you inch out the competition and then some. ARE YOU THE PRINCESS PRINCE?

You gasp in a breath of air as you quickly grab hold of either side of the table, catching yourself as the lightness in your head surges into a full on dizzy spell. You clench your eyes shut and shake your head, what is going on? You barely manage to crack one eye open and check the box labelled "Yes" before you tumble out of your chair, the blinding glare of the room flaring up to white out your conscious mind.