The Princess: Everything a DTF Prince Needs to Know

Prince Beardy shrugged, slurping his wine in a way that makes you want to put a fist through his mouth before answering. "Well, I've never met her myself. But they say she's a ringer for her mother. Blonde hair, dark eyes. Pretty, in porcelain doll sort of way. Probably a bit of a ditz. Scrawny."

Another prince pipes up, "I always heard she was willowy. You know, uh...lissome. That means graceful, right?"

Beardy levels a flat look at the prince, who quails a bit under his gaze, "That means she's flat; that's what they always say about the toothpicks. Like how all the fatty princesses are 'shapely', pfff. She's frail too, just like her mother. I heard childbirth was such a strain on the Queen that my cousin stopped fucking her. 'For her health', can you imagine? And she died anyway a few years later! What a fucking life."

"Well, they say he loved her don't they? I mean, didn't he die of heartache right after she passed?"

The other princes begin to murmur in agreement before Beardy cuts them off. "That's what they always say, dumbshits. It's so stupid. 'Heartache'; I bet he got dysentery. 'Died of a Broken Heart' is much easier to fit into a song than 'Crapped Himself to ****', let me tell you."

There is a bit off a hubbub at that, the other princes apparently not sure how to take this development. You aren't certain yourself, but in your case it's more to do with the fact that you still don't really know what the hell you're supposed to be doing. Roan's certainly made up her mind though; by the flat line of her mouth you can tell she's unimpressed with what she's hearing. Still, though...I mean, shouldn't princes be good to princesses? Like, in general? You think so, at least, and that's why you find yourself leaning forward. "So why go after her, then?"

The princes fall silent at your unexpected entry into the conversation, Beardy staring at you blankly for a moment. Then, he sneers and takes another slurpy gulp of his wine. "Well, Prince No-Shirt, not that it's any of your business. But I'm doing it for the same reason we all probably are; we aren't children here. If I'm not going to be King in my kingdom, I'm sure as fuck going to be King in some kingdom. And if the twig dies in childbirth, hell, that's an added feature as far as I'm concerned. Would sure free me up to do whatever I want."

He leans toward, smiling nastily. "Now, your turn: Why are you going after her?" He glances over to give Roan a not unappreciative once over, the girl seething as his eyes come to rest on her fertile bulge. "Don't you already have your hands full enough as it is? Or are you just looking to move into a castle that isn't built out of leaves and manure?"

The other princes chuckle a bit uneasily as Roan whirls around and marches off, though you simply sink back into your chair. Well, it's not a bad question actually. It's a question asked by a total prick, sure, and in the most prickish way imaginable, but you don't actually have an answer. Shouldn't you be trying to, you don't know, find a way home? Or hell, you could always just hang around this tavern with Roan, couldn't you? None of that feels right, though.

Your quiet consideration is apparently taken as you not rising to Beardy's bait, because you notice a flash of anger in his eyes before the prince flips on a dime and turns back to his fellows. "Well whatever. Why are we talking about her now anyway; we'll be up to our eyeballs in that shit in a couple days. I know what I want right now, and let me tell you tonight's the night. They're hiding a barmaid somewhere around here who, I shit you not, has one of the greatest racks I have ever seen."

Monocle Failure perks up at that. "Yeah! I was here a few days ago and I think I saw the one you mean! Long curls, right? Freckles all over the tops of her tits?"

You slowly raise your eyebrows as Roan walks back to your side, Beardy nodding and rubbing his hands together lavaciously. "That's the one. Ripe little Hana. I tell you, I've been running down those freckled boobs for weeks, and tonight I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. I'm finally gonna put my Sword into her Stone. And by my Sword, I mean my dick, and by Her Stone, I mean her butthole."

Before the other princes can respond, Roan gasps out a laugh and leans down to look at you, her voice louder than it strictly needs to be. "So Tits Freckle's name is Hana? Oh, that's cuuute! Did you know that? Did she whisper her name to you before she asked you to plow her, or after?"

Gasps go around the table at that, Beardy sputtering out his mid-slurp mouthful of wine all over himself. Roan's grin turns malicious as she spins on her heels and starts to officiously strut away, putting an extra wiggle into her pert bottom. "I'm so sorry my lord, but I don't think you'll get your chance tonight! A girl's first proper fuck can really take it out of her, and knowing how energetic my Prince can be I doubt ripe little Hana will be up and about until at least tomorrow evening."

Beardy rises up, face throbbing red as he starts to say something but is cut off by your now extra-cheeky valet. "Well my lords, it has been an experience, but we really must be off if we're going to make it to the castle in time! I had the stable boy prepare our things, my prince; shall we be off?"

What else can you do? You give the flabbergasted princes a shrug, then rise up from your seat. You glance down at the massive, still-full mug in your hand as Beardy takes a step towards you, steam practically bursting from the sides of his face as he raises a hand. You give the infuriated prince an amiable nod and extend your mug towards him, Beardy instinctively wrapping his hand around the handle to snatch it away from you. The instant you let go, the weight of it bears him straight down into the floor with a crash, drenching himself and half of the other princes in terrible beer.

The barmaids erupt into cheers and the innkeeper does his best not to join in at the sight of the gibbering prince, who has managed to drag three of his companions to the ground with him in an effort to claw his way back to his feet. Roan gives you a wink as you join her at the door, reaching around to give you a secretive little smack on your ass as the two of you exit into the countryside.