Talk to his friend Hager

Xabar walked into Hager's room without knocking. The two had been the best of friends for as long as either of them could remember and started at the Academy at the same time. With Xabar’s mother out of the picture and his father consumed with his responsibilities as chancellor, Hager’s parents had tried their best to offer a stabilizing influence for Xabar. The two boys grew up more like brothers than as friends.

Xabar threw himself sulkily down on Hager’s bed and glowered.

“What’s the matter with you? Didn’t get your cup of warm blood this morning? Is that why you just barge in again without knocking? How many times have I talked to you about that? What if I was getting busy with a girl or something?”

Xabar rolled his eyes. “Please. You haven’t had a girl in here since Molly Everswope transferred out. Besides, you won’t have to worry about me invading your privacy anymore. I’ve been expelled.”

Hager instantly forgot his irritation with his friend and demanded details. Xabar gave him the executive summary, leaving out most of the incriminating rationale and making it sound as if his teachers were engaged in an irrational witch hunt. His friend, while sympathetic, has known Xabar too long to believe his side of things.

“You have to admit that they’ve given you more than one warning that this would happen,” offers Hager. “Wasn’t it just last Christmas that Professor Putmänn threatened to personally throw you off the premises?”

“Yes, and that’s just my point,” retorted Xabar. “I was tutoring a fellow student, and he got all bent out of shape and made a big deal out of nothing.”

“You were in his house, banging his daughter,” corrected Hager. “And you drank up all the liquor in his cabinet.”

“Well, we started off with tutoring,” said Xabar, “and one thing led to another. And if he is so attached to his beloved bourbon, he should lock it up.”

“He did lock it up. You picked the lock.”

“That thing doesn’t even qualify as a lock. I could tell he wasn’t serious about it. Using a simple lock like that is the same as putting a sign on the cabinet that says ‘Help yourself.’”

“So how much tutoring did you get done before you got in his daughter’s pants?”

“Hmmm.... I’m not sure. It all got a little fuzzy.... The last thing I really remember was asking her if she knew what a body shot was.”

Hager shook his head silently. Arguing with Xabar was generally a waste of breath. “Well, anyway, it really sucks about you getting kicked out. What are you going to do?”

“Actually, I was kind of hoping I could stay at your house for a bit.”

Hager frowned. “I’m not sure that’s going to work out, Xabar.”

“Why not? You aren’t using your room while you are here, and now that your sister got married and moved out, her room is available, too. They have plenty of room.”

“Yeah.... the space isn’t the problem.”

“Well, if they are worried about the extra expense, Father gave me some money. I guess I could chip in a little to help.... But a guy has to have some fun, so I can’t blow all the money on living expenses, of course.”

“I don’t think the money is the issue, either.”

“Well, they certainly don’t have to worry about getting on Father’s bad side. He only offered that I could stay at Mother’s as an option. It’s not like he’s going to be offended if your folks put me up for a bit.”

Hager looks uncomfortable. “It’s not that, either, Xabar. Look, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Mum and Dad don’t exactly trust you — particularly when I’m not around.”

“Not trust me?” Xabar sat up, concerned. “Why not? I’m practically a second son to them!”

“They think you are a bad influence on me.”

“Pshaw! That’s preposterous! On what basis?”

Hager says, “For one thing, no one says ‘pshaw’ unless they’re trying to cover something up. Who talks that way? But as for why they think that? Let’s see.... How about all the times we got in trouble when we were together?”

Xabar waves his hand dismissively. “Child’s play. All boys get in trouble from time to time.”

“Not all boys get in trouble for breaking into the post office and reading through the mail so they can find out who they can ****.”

“But we got enough money for you to buy that sled you wanted, remember?”

“And not every boy gets in trouble for sending letters out to the parents of all the male students in school, telling them to keep their students home from school on Valentine’s Day, just so we could increase the odds of getting dates to the school dance.”

“But you have to admit, if it hadn’t been for that scheme, you wouldn’t have hooked up with Melinda Ferguson. What a night that was! Do you think the Caverson twins still hold a grudge and might want to try double dating again?”

“And my parents blame you for introducing me to **** ... and girls ... and sneaking out after curfew....”

“And you have never fully thanked me for that, I might add. You lost your virginity, tasted 70-year-old Scotch, and did it all while surrounded by some of the most inspiring artwork in the world!”

“And got arrested for breaking into the museum, too,” added Hager. “We were lucky we were only 13, or they would have charged us with breaking and entering, public drunkenness, and who knows what else. I still don’t know what made Mr. Aetherton more pissed — that we were doing it with his daughters or that we stole his whiskey.”

“A man with such misplaced priorities has no business having either one.”

“My point, Xabar, is that my parents insist you are a bad influence on me.”

“Well, we can agree to disagree. You won’t even be there, though, so there’s no danger. Right?”

“Well, they also don’t trust you for other reasons.”

“Like what? That’s so unfair!”

“Like when you stole that urn and sold it.”

“They’re still pissed about that? It was just sitting around, collecting dust, and holding a bunch of nasty herbal tea that no one touched in all the years I visited. I got 85 gold pieces, selling it as a priceless antique with exotic herbal tea to a collector.”

“It wasn’t herbal tea, Xabar. That was an urn with the ashes of my Grandpa Herb. Mum still bursts into tears every time she walks past the place where it used to sit.”

“Well, I tried to apologize, and I gave them 25 gold pieces from the sale.”

“But you said you sold it for 85.”

“Well, I had to cover my expenses and seller’s fee, of course, but all that was ages ago! Can’t they get over it?”

“Dad also hates that in kept trying to seduce my sister. It’s a good thing for you that he walked in on you before you did more than kiss her and feel her up. He probably would have killed you and buried your body somewhere no one would ever find you.”

“I understand, but if he would just stop and look at things rationally, he would see that I really respected her. I could have used a seduction spell and then wipe her memory after doing the deed, but because she is your sister, I didn’t stoop to such things. I wooed and charmed her like a gentleman.”

“You got her drunk with liquor you swiped from my dad’s stash. And you did it while she was engaged to be married.”

“Technically, she was only promised. The engagement wasn’t official until her boyfriend made the final payment on the ring.”

“That’s the thing, Xabar. You always have an excuse — a way to justify things — and my parents just don’t like being around that.”

“So it’s doubtful that they will let me crash with them?”

“Doubtful? I’d say that they would rather waltz naked through the fires of hell.”

Xabar considers this. “So I’ll mark that down as ‘maybe.’ What about Triana? Would she let me stay with her?”

“My sister? Are you crazy? Her husband would rip your balls off if you showed up at their house after what you did.”

“But I thought you said he was way from home for a few weeks on a journey or something.”

“He’s caring for his sick mom, leaving Triana at home with the baby.”

“So she would benefit from having a man around the house. I would think he’d be grateful.”

“You have a misunderstanding of what my brother-in-law would appreciate. I wouldn’t recommend it. What about that gal you have been seeing for a couple of weeks — the one whose mother owns the tavern?”

Xabar nods. “I thought about that. Her mother didn’t take a liking to me for some reason, so I had to put a Compliance Spell on her to keep her from smashing my skull with a skillet. It’s been nearly two weeks, and I don’t know how much longer it is going to last. I’d rather not be around when it wears off and she realizes that she has unwillingly consented to me banging the daylights out of her daughter right there under her own roof.”

“And you can’t refresh the spell or wipe her memory?”

“Not unless I want to risk the **** penalty. The King has his Magical Enforcement agents everywhere, looking for any excuse to arrest unlicensed users of magic.”

“What about the daughter? What is her name? Glynda? Did you use a Seduction Spell on her?”

Xabar smiles proudly. “I most certainly did not. Sometimes the hunt is more fun with magic, but it’s always more satisfying to seduce them the old fashioned way. Glynda is kept so busy working at her mother’s tavern that she hasn’t had much of a social life. Inwardly, she’s a wildcat who was just waiting to be set free. We were feeling each other up on our first date, and on the second date, we didn’t even get a block away from her home before we were undressing in the alley.”

“You get all the luck with girls,” says Xabar. “My grades in Spells are always higher than yours, but I’ve never been able to pull off a successful Seduction Spell. The last time I tried it, I missed Alexa Davies and hit her dog by mistake. I had a hole worn through my pant leg by the time that spell wore off.”

“You’ll get the hang of it,” says Xabar. “It takes practice, and I’ve practiced that one a LOT.”

He looks at the time and says, “I need to get out of here.” He stands and grabs his bags.

“Have you decided where you are going to go?” asks Hager.