Seriously? The Boring One?

You wake up with what something that isn't quite a scream and isn't quite a gasp, bolting upright into a seated position on the ground and struggling for breath. WHAT the FUCK happ........huh. You weren't outside a second ago, were you? Because you sure as shit are now.

You look around dumbly for a moment. Clear skies? Check. Lovely groves of trees? Check check. Is that a babbling brook? You pick up a small rock near your side, another clear clue that maybe you're outside, and heave it toward the crystal blue water. It lands with a perfect *plunk*, the hypothesis now firmly a theory. You shakily rise up to your feet, turning to the task of figuring out why you are outside, when you catch a glimpse of your body. Oh! Ohhhhhh!!! This is still about the job! You must have been hired! They must have been super impressed with the way you did some paperwork and then passed out!

You're quite positive you weren't dressed like this before, in bright green tights and a plush quilted vest under a totally bad ass coat of chainmail armor. This shit is so sparkly! And light too, way lighter than you thought! You've even got one of those, uh, what are they called, hood things on. Coif! You are rocking the shit out of a coif like you never imagined you could. You give a silly little spin, your delight increasing as you spy a beautiful tabard draped on the ground right where you had been sitting. You snatch it up, eagerly inspecting what must be your official heraldry. Green and black, with some sort of badass rooster clawing at the air all like 'Hey, come get some of these fucking bird talons! I kill, assholes!'. This is the coolest and best day ever.

You slip the tabard on over your armor, briefly wondering why you aren't even the slightest bit hot when you notice someone approaching. Maybe this is your supervisor or something? It looks to be a rather plain, intensely annoyed man in a rough-spun black tunic and a green hood trotting up in a mule overladen with packs, so probably not a manager unless he's super easy going. You forget him for the moment when you notice he's clutching the reins of a truly gorgeous horse that trots to his side, a sweet yet powerful looking little brown palfrey with stripes of black running across her flanks. Huh, you're actually sort of surprised you know what a 'palfrey' is...oh well, guess you weren't lying when you said you knew all about horses!

You're practically jumping up and down with glee when draw near, your anticipation making it seem like he'll never actually reach you. Actually, is he slowing down? Ohh okay, this dude is messing with the new guy. You're down! You grin good-naturedly as you stroll up to the surly looking man, thrusting out a gloved hand to him.

"So, um, hey! I don't know how this is supposed to work! Are you my sidekick or something?"

The man gives the most drawn-out sigh you've ever heard before reluctantly responding. "That is, apparently, the whim of cruel fate." Oh this guy is good. He's already in character!

You grin wider as you give the palfrey an affectionate pat on her rump, the charming beast rewarding you with a pleased nicker. Putting a foot into one stirrup, you effortlessly hoist yourself up into your horse's saddle; you fucking knew this would be easy. "So, I ah, don't really know what we're doing."

"I never could have guessed that, my liege."

This guy is so good. "I guess I just....ride off? Are there guests? Or, like...a show?"

The man's sullen expression doesn't change. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're referring to."

Oh shit, you're supposed to stay in character! Good thing you got paired up with such a seasoned pro. You chuckle bashfully, drumming your fingers along your saddle's pommel. "Right! Er...right. Well, I guess let's...ride that way! Oh shit, uh, what was your name?"

The man's expression twitches at that, sinking from barely hidden disdain to outright contempt. "My name is Trudge. It has been Trudge for the six years I have been in your service, and will continue to be Trudge well past that I imagine. "

Oh crap, there must be a backstory you didn't read. Well you're sure you'll pick it up as you go along! You let out what you imagine is a merry laugh, throwing out an arm to adventurously point to the horizon. "Very well, faithful Trudge! We're off! For glory! And...uh...yeah!"

With that you set your palfrey galloping off, Trudge and his mule desperately trying to keep up. "Oh hey, sidenote dude, when do we get paid?"

He manages to respond, even while being bucked nearly off his mount. "I can only trust my payment will come in the next life, my liege."

This guy is so fucking good at this.