Ross and Joey talk about my bachelor party

Ross starts, “I was married to Rachel at Chandler’s bachelor party. He didn’t want a big one, so just the three of us went for a weekend in Chicago.”

“I was a little disappointed he wanted it so low key,” adds Joey. “We went to a Cubs game on Saturday afternoon, and then went to a club that night. I spent a ton of money at the club though. I got us our own booth with bottle service. We had a sexy little bottle girl that took care of our every need.”

Ross laughs, “Well she took care of the bachelor’s every need.”

“What’s that mean?” Asks Monica.

“It’s called foreshadowing,” answers Joey. “Its meaning will become clear later. So just three guys in a giant booth. Sort of lame, right? But it led to assumptions that we were big shots and had a ton of money, so we weren’t lonely long. Soon ladies were joining us to dance and help take shots out of bottles. There was enough interest where we could pick and choose our selection.”

Phoebe asks, “Were we living together at the time?”

“Yes, but you didn’t have a ring on your finger yet,” Joey answers. “But these girls were coke whores. Way more interested in the **** than me.”

“What ****!?” Monica asks.

Quickly Ross clarifies, “There were no ****. He was just describing the type of girl. Skinny model types: loving free drinks and attention.”

“Uh huh,” Monica says unconvinced. Fuck why did Joey mention cocaine after my wife just got pissed I smoked weed.

“That’s what I meant,” says Joey. “I could play xylophone on their ribs. No tits or ass.”

“Well that’s not true,” Ross says.

“Sorry,” Joey corrects himself, “we had to weed out a lot of these skeleton bitches, and ended up with a few without eating disorders. So we did end up with some tits and ass.”

“How many girls and what did they look like?” Phoebe asks.

“I think we only brought four back to the hotel room,” Ross answers.

“FOUR!?,” Rachel yells, looking wide eyed at her husband, woken from her stupor.

“They weren’t for us,” Ross says. “They were for Chandler! He told us he had a free night, so we wanted to make it a night to remember with multiple ladies.”

“We got a nice variety too,” Joey adds, “A thick girl who probably squats more than me, a girl who looked normal until she turned around and you saw her bookshelf ass, this dark Italian chick who was fucking stacked, and the last was an aspiring model who hadn’t lost the fat in her tits or ass yet. It was a decent group if I remember correctly.”

Phoebe recommends, “How about you each tell us what happened when you got back to hotel room? I don’t like hearing you guys go back and forth.”