Someone walks in on you.

So you're lying on the bathroom floor.

You're naked from the waist down.

You penis is a 32" flat-screen television.

Maybe you might like to review your life choices.

"What the fuck?"

A salient question. Not your voice, though.

Startled, you crane your neck to see your younger sister Zoe framed in the doorway.

"Hey Zoey..." you say, weakly.

"Heya bro," she says, her expression both serious and puzzled. "Why are you in the bathroom fucking the TV?"

A difficult question deserves a difficult answer.

"Because doing it in the kitchen was making me feel self-conscious."

Yup, still got it. Even with a TV dick.

She rolls her eyes. "How very droll. The thing it, I never figured you for this level of kink."

Eh?

She continues. "Wish I'd known earlier so I could join in."

Whoa. That went in an unexpected direction.

"Well..." you say, trying to manage your ungainly member as you attempt to stand. "Could I assuage your disappointment with a magic calculator?"