Ad-hoc Test

Thursday, May the 28th

Rarely, you don’t get a chance to see or really talk to Jayne until just before lunch. As she had indicated, she had several meetings throughout the day and you were busy as well. A shipment of network gear had arrived and you spent some time gathering the switches up and getting them ready for the core upgrade you had coming in a few weeks.

Finally you get a chance to say hi to her properly, as she ducks into your office between meetings. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she grins and quickly gives you a peck on the cheek before taking a proper step back and winking.

“Good morning to you too, Hallsy!”

“I know we shouldn’t do that at work, but whatever we only just started dating. We can get jaded and used to working so closely together in the future,” she says.

“Honestly it’s tough for me to imagine that happening, I’m pretty sure I’ll be just as thrilled and excited when you walk in to the room 50 years from now,” your brain only eventually catches up to what your mouth is saying. “Er, not that I’m being super weird and talking about the distant future after a few days! Not trying to scare you away!” You add an embarrassed chuckle at the end.

Jayne did blush a tiny bit, but she shakes her head and quietly says, “You are not at all scary Zach. Don’t worry, not really feeling like I gotta worry about you moving too fast or anything, especially since I’m planning on dragging you to my home tonight and just ravishing you all night. You know, if you’re interested?”

“I’d call my interest in that all consuming Jayne. Speaking of, since I don’t have a car...”

Jayne nods, “I was going to ask if you want a ride. We have that drink with Karissa after work, but then I’m very flexible. We can head to my place and have supper there, watch Netflix, not watch Netflix, or you can go to your place first.”

“So you’re flexible huh,” you muse thoughtfully, carefully studying Jayne as she blushes some more, “that’s good to know. Before I start daydreaming about you too much if you like we could swing by my place. Not to be presumptuous but maybe I could pick up some things?”

“That makes sense, I was hoping for a sleepover so we’ll do it properly this time. Pack a change of clothes Pritchard, when I get you where I want you I’m not letting you go until dawn!”

With a final saucy, lingering look, Jayne slowly turns and walks out, enjoying your inability to think of any sort of reply.

Jayne has an off-site meeting for site managers at the main Ontario Health offices downtown, so you’re working normally when Karissa walks in.

“Knock knock,” she says with a smile as she enters your office without waiting to be invited in, “isn’t it weird when people pause at the door and say ‘knock knock’? I never understood that, but I figured it must be the proper thing to do because everyone else did it so I started too. I still think you should either just actually knock on the door, like for real, with your hand, or walk in.”

Arching an eyebrow, you pause in your typing as she sinks into the chair in front of your desk, “So you decided the solution was to say ‘knock knock’ but just walk in?” You try to not notice as Karissa hops up in the chair slightly as she arranges her inevitable flouncy dress more comfortably under her, which makes her generous chest jiggle a bit and god damn it you were trying to not notice, stupid eyes who told you to look there!

Looking up, Karissa flashes a heart stopping smile and shakes her head to get some of her blond hair out of the way. “Exactly Zach! It’s kind of silly, but if I have to play along I’ll do it my way. Like, every time John walks up to my desk he says ‘knock knock’ even if I’m looking at him and I don’t even have a door. What’s up with that!”

“Honestly, you’re not wrong? It is pretty weird. Like how if you see a coworker in the hallway you have to nod at them but actually saying ‘hi’ would just throw everyone off.”

“Thank you! Finally someone who sees things my way!” Karissa heaves a mock sigh of relief and smiles warmly. Then, a cloud passes over her feature and you can tell something is bothering her.

“But I assume you didn’t come here to talk about office etiquette huh,” you say.

“Hah, no I didn’t,” the pretty young blond says, before a thoughtful look crosses her face, “although, in a roundabout way I guess I did. I want you to do something for me. I know Jayne is out of the office but it’s not really about her, or me, or the thing we have to talk about later. It’s mainly just about you.”

Her watchful, steady eye contact as she looks at you is somehow a little concerning. “Ah, sure, no problem Karissa. If there’s something you want to say or ask me by all means.”

“Thank you Zach. I want you to show me that weird app, and demonstrate something to me.”

“Of course!” You’re relieved it’s not a personal question, and not for the first time you wonder what exactly she was able to glean from her impolite peek into your medical history.

Leading her across the office you start up the SGI server and, within a few minutes, the main menu greets you

===WELCOME Zachary!===
1) SHOW Summary
2) EDIT PoI's
3) ADMIN PORTAL
4) SHOW Tutorial

5)EXIT
==CHANGES DETECTED! SHOW UPDATED SUMMARY? [Y/N]===

“What does it mean by changes?”

“Basically, just that the scores have changed since last time it showed us. So, I guess, since you are the only Person of Interest it means your scores have changed since yesterday. It happens a fair bit, when Jayne was an active PoI the... numbers would go up or down a little most times we talked. Just minor changes, although TAM claims it makes the PoI react more favourably to the admin.”

With as small frown, Karissa says, “I don’t like that part. Claiming that whatever I feel isn’t real.”

“I can show you the tutorial, but the program does say that it only really works on someone who is capable of having, er, feelings of some type. If we add a person who simply would never find me romantically compatible it would only barely affect them, I guess because there is no affection to improve. So, and I don’t know if this makes you feel better or worse or what, but at least according to TAM your underlying feelings for someone are not totally created out of nothing. That’s why Jayne and I are happy to talk to you, of course, and we can remove you from the list at any time. I’m sure Jayne wouldn’t mind if I did it right now if you’d like-”

“No.” Karissa says a bit more loudly than you’d expect. Out of the corner of your eye you see Mati Tremblay walking past your open doorway, casting an openly curious look as she does. You turn your attention back to Karissa as she continues, “We’ll all talk about that after work. I wanted to talk about you actually. I don’t care what this thing says about me right now.”

Taking a short pause, Karissa turns to face you again, “I want you to add Alice to your interesting person list so I can see her scores.”

“.. Alice Voronkov? Why? She’s not my biggest fan for some reason. To put it mildly.”

"As a test. And because she really seems to not like you for some reason, and I don't know why." Karissa is still studying you intently, and you get a brief feeling of being interrogated. "Did you ever make her angry about something? She's pretty enough, for being my Mom's age, did you hit on her maybe?"

"What! No! Of course not, I have only spoken to her like 10 times ever," you know you're protesting a bit too loud considering Mati is loitering around, so you lower your voice to continue, "I have no idea why, honestly. I did some computer stuff for her once or twice, and she always just seemed frosty and I've heard her argue with other people but I never had any issue with her. It's been the last few days that she's gotten way more obvious about not liking me but I don't know why."

Nodding, Karissa says, "Ok good, I didn't think so but one of the other clerks who I'm good friends with was in the lunch room and she heard Alice talking about you like you were a serial killer. One of the other nurses said you didn't seem that bad, but Alice said you were a 'real scumbag' but wouldn't say why. Just sat there all smug like she knew something but wouldn't spill the tea. Then I got there to talk to my friend and Alice quickly shut up and changed the subject, so I think she knows I'm friendly with you and Jayne. And, that reminds me, now that basically everyone knows you and Jayne are together I think Alice and her cronies are muttering about her too. Not the clerks, they all really like Jayne cuz she's a really good manager, but the bitchy public health nurses, the ones who just sit at the big tables and gossip and love to create drama. Maybe that's what it is? Maybe Alice is just making shit up for something to talk about? Nah, she's a jerk and really rude but she's never been so sneaky before, normally she just gets super mad at someone and yells at them for jamming the paper in the printer."

Finally, even Karissa reaches the limits of her prodigious lungs and has to take a breath, so you grab your opportunity to interject, "I don't really care if they gossip about me - ok I do, especially if it's about fake shit - but I really don't like the idea of anyone saying anything about Jayne just because she's with me! If anyone is doing that please tell me, I'll go talk to them myself if I have to!"

Karissa cocks her head to the side as she peers at you, then flashes a bright smile and says, "Oh you got so serious there! I like it, you're so nice and polite but as soon as someone is maybe being mean to Jayne you got a little angry, that was adorbs!" Putting her hand on your arm, she gives you a little affectionate pat and continues, "But don't worry, if bad rumours start I'll hear about them, or the clerks will tell me for sure. We will all protect Jayne too. And I'll be looking out for you both, but for now just add Alice to your affection machine so I can see how it works. And if it does, it might be interesting to see what it says she thinks about you."

Turning back to the keyboard, you say, "I call it TAM, that's what the shortcut and initial screen said anyway, short for The Affection Multiplier."

"If it's an acronym, shouldn't you be saying the letters, like calling it T-A-M?"

Your fingers resting on the keys, you admit, "Technically, I guess you're right, but I just liked saying TAM as a word. Also, there were no periods in between the letters, if it was T.A.M. I would have said the letters - argh you're getting me off track Karissa, hang on," you laugh as you finish.

Seriously, the young woman replies, "Yeah I get that a lot. The managers are always telling me I'm going off on a tangent but I'm not so sure, maybe everyone else is just way too literal minded?"

Forcing yourself to not take the conversational bait, you ask, "Do you want me to show the summary?"

"Nah, just add Alice."

Hitting 3, you enter the Admin Portal.

===ADMIN PORTAL===
{
Common Commands:
// full scan
// manual add
// dormant
// disable
// reset
//administrator
// help (show TUTORIAL)
}

INPUT COMMAND: _
PRESS [x] TO EXIT

"Now, this computer has never been on the network as near as I can tell, so it should have no way to know who the people who work here are. I'll enter the command to manually add Alice, assuming I remember how to spell her last name, to the Person of Interest list..." you talk aloud as you type to properly demonstrate what you are doing to Karissa.

_add poi voronkov, alice
===ADD PoI SUCCESSFUL!===

As you did previously, you hit X to return to the main menu and then, instead of hitting 1 to show the full summary screen, you hit Y to show the updated scores. As you suspected, the program is sophisticated enough to not show you the dormant scores but only the ones that have changed. Well, the one changed PoI and the one new one.

===UPDATED SUMMARY===
PERSON OF INTEREST:
Martin, Karissa (AGE 19, SEX F)
AFFECTION SCORE: 56/50 (was: 55/49)
LOVE SCORE: 50/21 (was: 49/20)
LUST SCORE: 47/52 (was: 46/52)
**Note: PoI gains apply to multiple admins! Valid A/L/L scores for multiple admins!**

PERSON OF INTEREST (New!):
Voronkov, Alice (AGE 42, SEX F)
AFFECTION SCORE: -44/9
**Note: PoI gains apply to multiple admins! Valid Affection scores for multiple admins!**

“Uh, yikes.” You can’t think of much else to say about Alice. You knew she didn’t like you, but from what you recall of the tutorial that negative score is well into actively loathing you. She considers you a true enemy, and you can’t think of a single reason why.

With a pleased nod, Karissa says, “Hah, stupid computer. I told you I control my feelings and I do. I thought about Zach and Jayne all night long and just focused on my feelings being my own and they barely moved at all!”

Forgetting for a moment how odd, well, every single thing about this is, you excitedly agree with her, “That is impressive Karissa! It claims it would make positive feelings increase up to 5 times faster but your scores are basically flat. I wonder if you being aware of it is a factor, that would make a lot of sense if it’s influencing your subconscious because you’re very conscious of what TAM says it’s doing.”

“Thank you Zach, I read some weird nonsense online about mind control and it lead me to Zen meditation and stuff. I honestly didn’t get much out of it, I just sort of skimmed a few Wikipedia articles, but it seemed to me that being mindful was the key.”

“Ok. Uh, what does that mean?”

Karissa shakes her blond hair while giving a casual shrug and says, “Oh, just that being mindful is to be aware of the mind's own illusions and not being swayed by our misperceptions. It said to be empty of my own mind’s interference so that I can simply spontaneously be in the moment, at peace with the here and now. So I did some breathing exercises while I thought about what I wanted to talk to you and Jayne about and tried to incorporate what I read while I made my decisions. At first I don’t think it was working, because I was focusing too much on one thing, so instead I tried a more Zen approach and cultivated a general awareness of my thoughts so I could gain insight into my own self. I think it more or less worked because even if it’s a magical outside influence this silly affection computer app thing must be interacting with my preconceived notions of, well, my feelings.”

That’s a lot to take in, and you’re simply staring blankly at Karissa as you do it.

Seeming to remember where she is and who’s she’s talking to, Karissa says, “Oh! Well that’s what I tried anyway. I was in my room, cross legged and trying to meditate while looking at a scented candle in the middle of my room for an hour. Then my Mom walked by my bedroom and asked me why I was naked, just sitting on the floor, and I had to explain that, no, it wasn’t some weird yoga masturbation thing. Not that she’d care, but she’d want to know all about it to try herself so I just told her it was witchcraft and I was trying to summon a demon with a horse dong to come nail me so she rolled her eyes and left me alone.”

“… what?”

“Nevermind that, we need to talk about Alice. So, she hates your freaking guts, and you don’t know why. This was a good test though, there’s no way it could be faked or anything, it even knows how old she is and that’s accurate, I’ve seen her DOB on a form and she tells everyone she’s only 40.”

**** to think of anything other than Karissa in nude meditation, you say, “Karissa, you didn’t look her up in the system did you?”

“No no, I learned my lesson. She submitted a payroll form months ago and I remembered her year of birth because she’s the same age as my Mom. Anyway, I better get back to work before someone comes looking for me. When we’re having a drink after, the three of us, we can talk about Alice and what’s going on. And what we’ll do with your affection computer.”

“TAM.”

“Nah I’m not calling it that. This thing insulted me and I’m not going to play it’s game. You hear me ya ugly purple computer!” With a final laugh and a twinkle in her eye, Karissa waves bye and leaves you to shut down the server and get back to your desk. You suspect you’ve been underestimating the pretty young clerk since you met her, but now you’re sure of one thing - you’ll never assume the woman is ditzy or scatterbrained again.