Can I stay with your Aunt Lucy?

“What about your Aunt Lucy? She may take a more charitable view of me than the rest of your family.”

Hager raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Aunt Lucy? I didn’t even know you knew her. She’s not exactly a welcome guest in our home.”

“So I gathered. I overheard your mother talking to your dad about her a couple of times. She kept referring to her with the sweetest of pet names.”

“Pet names? The only things I’ve ever heard my mom call her are ‘slut,’ ‘whore,’ and ‘tramp.’”

Xabar smiles. “Exactly. I can’t think of any better words to describe a woman — unless, of course, you want to throw in ‘rich’ and ‘poor judgment.’ Would she have room for me to stay for a bit?”

“I don’t know, Xabar. I haven’t seen Aunt Lucy in years. There’s bad blood between her and Mom. It has something to do with Aunt Lucy trying to steal Dad away from her when they were engaged. She lives on the other side of town, but the only time we see her is at weddings and funerals.”

“So she might have a particular interest in showing some charity and hospitality to a poor, unfortunate lad who is not in the best of graces with her estranged sister?”

Hager frowns. “I don’t know. That seems a stretch to me. I’m surprised you even thought of it. On second thought, I’m not surprised, given some of your schemes in the past, but since you have other options, I don’t know why you are thinking of this one.”

“Primarily, it was the description of her as a slut, whore, and tramp, but also because I consider myself a part of your family and feel a special sense of warmth and security when I am surrounded by loving family. But mostly because of the ‘slut,’ ‘whore,’ and ‘tramp,’ thing.”

“So let me get this straight, Xabar.... You feel like you are a member of my family?”

“That’s right. Always have.”

“So my Aunt Lucy feels like she is your own aunt?”

“Now you’re tracking with me.”

“And you’re hoping she is a slut so you can hook up with your own aunt?”

“You know, Hager, you are a good friend, but your biggest fault is in over-analyzing things. Can’t we just leave it at how touched you are that I consider you family?”

“And my sister whom you want to bang.... do you think of her as your own sister, as well? And are there any other members of ‘our’ family you want to commit **** with?”

“Hager, stop being a wet blanket. Why even ask something like that? And besides, don’t tell me you haven’t drifted off to sleep more than once, thinking about your mom in that silk nightgown she likes to wear?”

Hager holds up his hands. “OK, we’re not going there.”

Xabar replies, “I can confidently say that I harbor no carnal thoughts toward your grandmother. At least not since she started losing control of her bowels. But back to Aunt Lucy.... Will you introduce me to her and put in a good word?”

“I suppose that is a better option than having you show up at my sister’s,” Hager admitted.

“It’s settled, then,” says Xabar. “Let’s go.”

Hager looks at the time and says, “I can’t go now. She lives on the other side of town, and I have a class in an hour.”

“We’ll go after your class, then.”

“That will put my out past curfew. I don’t see it happening today. You will have to figure out something else for tonight.”