Respond to Felixia’s goading

“You are just trying to goad me for some reason, you perverse creature. I will not allow you to get under my skin.”

“My point exactly,” she says. “The way you lot are endowed, you can’t very well get under or into anything, can you? I didn’t really study human reproduction when I was a kitten; tell me, how do you procreate, given the microscopic size of the male organ? Does the female have to gather the sperm manually and then inseminate herself, using her finger or a twig or something?”

“Why are you doing this, you Felechon? Is it in your nature to offend everyone, or are you unaware you are addressing a prince of royal blood?”

Felixia’s eyes twinkle as she stands at attention, salutes crisply, and makes a graceful bow. “My sincerest apologies, my liege, my lord, my prince and noble knight! Wait... you are pretty young — have you been knighted yet, or do you have to wait until puberty before that happens?”

“Again with the insults! I am a man — fully eighteen years as of today!”

“Well, don’t get yourself in a lather! You are probably just a late bloomer. You may yet get a growth spurt and develop some hair — but I’m told that sex organs tend to stop growing by age 16 or so, so you probably will be reduced to riding around on really expensive horses or something if you are ever going to attract a mate. Still, it could be worse — your face isn’t nearly as hideous as some of the mortals I’ve seen.”

Duncan struggles to keep his patience and takes a step forward, his hands balled up in fists. “Listen to me —“

“Oh wait,” said the creature. “You were in poor light before. I can see you better now. Hmmmm... I take back what I said earlier. You ARE just as hideous as the others. Looks like a future of expensive horses and money squandered at brothels for you. Unless, of course, you just want to keep on using your hand for satisfaction....”

Duncan has heard enough and reaches out to grasp the Felechon and return her to her cage. As his hands approach her, however, she vanishes in a swirl of yellow-gold mist, only to reappear atop a nearby bookshelf. She looks at Duncan with undisguised glee.

“Oh, that WAS fun! It’s been too long since I had a chance to exercise my talents that way. I thought I could get to your brother, but now I’m glad that didn’t work. I think I can have a lot more fun with you!”

“My brother? What about him?”

“Oh, I tried to get him to release me from my imprisonment, too, but I used the wrong technique. Typically human males can be persuaded to do anything if asked by a beautiful, sexy woman.”

With that, Felixia’s form changed, and Duncan found himself looking at a 2-foot tall man, finely-chiseled features, broad chested, with shoulder-length blonde hair, standing naked atop the shelf. He speaks with Felixia’s voice.

“I used this sensuous form to try to get your brother to open the cage, but he must not be interested in females — or he gets horizontal enough on his own that he was not driven that day by lust. In any event, I could not persuade him to open the door.”

Duncan looks at the apparition quizzically. “That is not a female form. You tried to tempt my brother with another male. As far as I know, that’s not going to do anything at all for him.”

The creature looks down at itself in surprise. “Are you sure?”

Duncan nods. “I’m pretty familiar with the differences between boys and girls. You are definitely a bloke.”

The creature’s face is a combination of disappointment and understanding as it returns to the cat/woman appearance. “Well, that explains it. Frankly, I’ve always had a hard time telling the difference, when it comes to humans. You lot pretty much all look the same to me. Well, anyway, I’m glad I tried a different tactic with you. When sex doesn’t work, tempt a human with the easy way out of anything, so one Sophiaron later, and even with me trying to talk you out of releasing me from my cage, here I am! Honestly, do you really think they’d keep a Sophiaron in a library? You do know they consume the written word, right? I guess you didn’t read far enough in the book.”

Duncan glances down at the book on the table, still open to the Sophiaron page. Changing tactics, he alters the tone of his voice to respectful curiosity. “Well, you are clearly a crafty and intelligent creature. I am no match for your cunning. I am astonished anyone ever succeeded in capturing you in the first place.

Duncan hears the creature purr in response to the praise. Felixia reclines atop the bookshelf and lazily begins licking her arms. “It still amazes me. In my defense, I was not having one of my better days. And MacTavish was just flat out lucky, that’s all I can say. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out he was in league with a leprechaun; and you’ll agree with me that that’s just outright cheating....”

The creature continues to talk, apparently unaware that Duncan is quietly flipping through the pages of the book.

“I had been with MacTavish for about a dozen years by that point. The boy showed promise with his intellect, but even then he had a sense of humor that was a cross between a damp dishcloth and a venereal disease — something you will no doubt have an intimate knowledge of if you do end up frequenting brothels.”

Duncan doesn’t take the bait because he has found what he is looking for. Under a drawing that bears a striking resemblance to Felixia, he reads, “Felechon — Originally native to the inner forests of Mirantia, the Felechon most recently have flourished in the outskirts of human settlements, due to their desire to live near mortals. Commonly known as ‘mischief makers,’ the Felechon take delight in pranks and in creating strife. The females are shapeshifters, and while ordinarily growing to a height no more than 2 feet, they can temporarily assume much-greater sizes. The lifespan has yet to be conclusively measured, but it is believed that they can live for at least 300 years. Though notoriously independent and untrustwothy, individual Felochons have been known to bond to mortals in whom they sense a kindred spirit.”

“....and so how was I to know that he was serious when he said he wanted some time alone with her?” continues Felixia, as Duncan’s attention returns to her. “MacTavish acted like it was some big deal that the villagers saw them without their clothing! I’ve seen MacTavish without clothing plenty of times, and believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t make a difference. As far as I’m concerned, if the gal was willing to mate with him he should have been grateful and not get hung up about whether it interrupted the jousting competition!”

Felixia stops her monologue long enough to look up at Duncan. “Don’t you agree, little spareling?”

“Sure. I agree. So let me ask you.... How long have you been caged?”

“Oh, I’ve lost track. Since before MacTavish bound himself to your family’s service. It wasn’t so bad being in a cage when he took me into battle with him, but it really gets dull being up here, year after year. The only real break in the monotony is when a new royal man cub shows up, and I can try to mess with him. Even then, it gets tedious. You are the first one who has shown any promise in ages. I think it was your father who almost let me out, but I got confused about what he was asking me for. I’m guessing a ‘blowjob’ does not involve having a wooly mammoth blast you with a snort from the nose?”

Duncan is about to answer when Felixia holds up a hand and tilts her ears toward the door. “Listen! I hear MacTavish returning! Listen, Spareling. I CANNOT return to that cage! I am going to hide behind these books. Please do not give away my location or MacTavish will lock me away again. If you help me, I shall be ever so grateful!”

Without waiting for a response, Felixia dashes behind some books and hides herself. Moments later, Duncan hears the approach of footsteps and the sound of the door being opened. Realizing he has an extra book on the table, he quickly puts it on the nearest shelf and races to his seat just in time before MacTavish returns to his side.

“Ah, Your Highness, I see you have been hard at work on your assignment. You have already read to ...” He looks over Duncan’s shoulder. “Page 1. Not quite as far as I had hoped. Tell me, how have you been occupying your time?”