First on the Orientation Agenda: Fights

You bound up to your feet, re-energized by your excitement and a general desire not to ruffle feathers on your first day. Especially with your coworkers who happen to be seen feet tall. "Er, right; sorry about that," you offer as you start to glance around, "I guess I'm just excited, you know?"

You take in your new work environment as the huge man rises with an understanding nod. You're not sure what you were expecting for your first day, but probably some shitty meeting area with bad chairs and nametags. Maybe some sort of roped off business room at a sub-Chili's level restaurant. So you're quite surprised to find yourself in the arena of a massive amphitheatre instead, crumpling with age but radiating grandeur even so. Fuck, is this where you work now? It doesn't look like there is anyone in the audience....oh wait. Is that someone up there?

You take a step forward, squinting at the little figure perched high in the seats. It looks like...uh, a vaguely white smudge. With some sort of blue glowy thing beside it. Maybe that's your supervisor? Is that glow some sort of recording device or whatever? That all adds up; you've got this situation pegged. It's the audition part of the interview, right? Normally, these seats'll be filled with guests to watch you and a bunch of other freaky monster dudes fake beat each other up. Right now, though, the higher-ups just want to see what you can do.

Well, you've got no former martial arts or stage combat training, and you were basically in a coma a few minutes ago. But you can't keep a grin off your face as your fists clench in determination. There is no way you aren't going to crush this.

Your giant companion seems to notice your surge of confidence, his articulate avalanche of a voice rumbling out from his helmet. "Are you so eager, then, to win the princess's favor?"

You glance up at the towering figure. Oh right; he's in character and you should be too. Um...well fuck, play along but maybe just try being yourself, more or less? Don't want to swing for the fences and whiff on, like, a crazy accent or something. "Er, I guess. Mostly I'm just excited to, you know. Show what I can do, and stuff."

The man-mountain rumbles out a deeply approving noise. "True fighting spirit is rare in these times. I must admit, I was very impressed by your last fight."

You turn around to follow his directing nod and can't help grinning at what you see. A prop snake-man-monster-thing is sprawled out in one corner of the area, blood pooling super-realistically from its stump of a neck and a long forked tongue lolling out of its severed head. Wow, they really don't fuck around with production value here! And the idea is you beat this monster earlier in the tournament? They are really putting you over as a bad ass; this is awesome. Okay, so your character is a small scrapper guy who is totally capable of hanging with all these towering behemoth types. So we're thinking...prideful nonchalance is the character to go with? Let's give it a try.

You shrug imperiously, shooting your companion a sly little smile. "I've had worse fights, yeah." Oh, make this guy look good too; he's pretty cool. "I was more impressed with your fight against the..." You glance over towards his side of the arena, a bit taken aback for a moment when you see that it is littered with vaguely body-part shaped boulders. "....rock monster?"

That must have been the right guess, because the man-mountain nods. "I do not know why a rock monster would want a princess. When it broke apart, I did not find anything like a rock penis."

You bust into laughter at that; this guy is fucking cool. You clap him companionably on the arm, about to tell him so, when the sounds of skirmish from the other side of the arena draw your attention. "Oh hey, there's another fight going on! Let's check that shit out."

Man-Mountain agrees, and soon you find yourself spectating a match that must be a showcase example of the sort of work you'll be eventually expected to do. And you can admit, it's a little intimidating. The two actors, dressed as a lion-dragon-man and a sort of insect thing respectively, are clearly seasoned pros at combat both staged and otherwise. Like, you're impressed by the blows and strikes they level at one another? But it's the way they make it so brutal that really strikes you. When Insect Dude's sword severs one of Dragon Lion's prosthetic wings, the man perfectly sells it as if the agony is blinding. And Insect Dude's shrieks when Dragon Lion retaliates by pouncing on him and pretending like he's gnawing the guy's arm off? This is so dope, and so gross and sick. But also definitely too much for you to attempt right now.

You turn your head up towards Man-Mountain, indicating the two other combatants. "Hey, when we fight, do we have to bother with all this...messy stuff?"

Any worries that the other man wasn't on board were unfounded. "I absolutely agree. When there is true respect between warriors, there is no need for such butchery."

"Exactly dude, that is exactly what I--"

You trail off as Dragon Lion and Insect Dude take in deep breaths, then simultaneously release a gout of flame and a stream of yellowy gas respectively. The two special effects collide, and then both men are engulfed in a perfectly timed explosion that would have sent you reeling if not for Man-Mountain's steadying hand. When the smoke has settled, you stare in disbelief at the pile of stinking ash that is all that remains of Dragon Lion and Insect Dude.

.........

.........They do fucking PYRO at this place too?! This job is going to be the goddamn tits.