Ross pissed as hell

Ross’s voice booms, “What the hell are you doing? You could’ve died!”

He walks over and helps Phoebe up, making sure to keep his supporting hand on her shirt covered back, and not her exposed ass. Phoebe mumbles, “I needed to see your technique. Rachel didn’t lie. You were made to gobble pussy.”

“I think she hit her head,” I say.

“No,” Phoebe says. “I did not hit my head. I fell on my ass, which is going to be sore for days. And not in a good way.” She waves her hand in front of her swelling eye and fat lip. “This is from a log hitting me in the face. My head is fine.”

“Well if you’re fine, then I get to yell at you! Because what you guys did was so fucked up! Who the hell spies on their friends in the bedroom!?” Ross’s brief moment of concern is gone. Not only were we spying and invading their privacy, we also ruined their intimate moment.

I try to make an apology, “It was a really dumb idea. We are drunk. We shouldn’t have climbed the woodpile. If it makes you feel better, only Phoebe watched.”

“Really noble of you, throwing Phoebe under the bus. Y’all are both guilty,” Ross says.

Phoebe pouts out her bleeding lips trying to look as pathetic as possible. “We’re so sorry. I think karma punished us already. I didn’t even get to come.”

“What are you talking about?” Ross asks.

“Chandler was going down on me, and I was so close, then we tumbled,” Phoebe explains.

Ross looks at me, “You went down on that bush? It looks like a big Afro between her legs.”

“Yeah, and it tastes disgusting,” I said.

Ross laughs. Rachel slaps at me, “That’s rude! It’s more hygienic to have pubic hair.”

“I think it would be more hygienic to shower,” I say. “That was honestly the worst. I understand why your husband doesn’t go down on you.”

“Fuck you,” Phoebe yells. She backhand slaps my balls through my pants. As I double over in pain, she storms into the house, slamming the back door.

Ross can’t stop laughing, “Karma is a bitch for both of you! You totally deserve that.”

“I feel so bad. I’m sorry dude. I ruined sexy time with your wife. Tell her sorry for me,” I say as we enter the house. Fuck, this night has been shit. I’m ready to gurgle mouthwash for an hour then go to bed.

Ross says, “You interrupted her orgasm. You’re going to have to apologize to her yourself. She’ll never believe what happened out here.”