Threesome with his boys

I sit back down. Might as well appease Ross before he gets belligerent. I haven’t had sex in months. I can wait ten more minutes. Maybe Ross has a fantasy about all of us gang banging a stripper or something.

“Go sit down next to Chandler. You need to hear this!” Ross says to Joey.

Joey walks over to me, and quietly says, “Why’d you have to fuck so many women? Ross is way too drunk. I’m surprised he’s not vomiting everywhere.”

The three women are whispering to themselves. Rachel probably agonizing for her husband’s behavior.

Ross starts drunkenly rambling his secret fantasy:

“So I had this scenario play out one night when I was laying in bed high, trying to fall asleep. The three of us are living together in Denver. Mid twenties. Prime of our lives. Before Joey got fat as fuck. So it’s the middle of summer. We’re bored as fuck. Listening to The Weeknd, passing around a blunt. And it’s the end of the blunt. Just the little wet roach. And I say, ‘There’s so much slobber on this. It’s like we’ve been making out.’ Then Chandler intentionally swirls his tongue around the end of the blunt like it’s a little dick, and we all crack up laughing.”

“Is this story real?” Monica asks. “I’m confused.”

Ross answers, “It’s not real. It’s just a fantasy I had, but it was so vivid and detailed that I remember it exactly. Even after 15 shots or whatever. Shit. Fuck. Don’t distract me. Where was I? Goddamn. Right. We were high, and bored as fuck listening to baby makin’ music. So we’re sitting there, and Joey randomly asks, ‘When’s the last time you’ve measured your dick?’

“That cracks us up laughing again. I told him, ‘Never, dude. Never measured my dick’. Chandler started chanting LIAR LIAR LIAR. ‘Nah seriously bro. Never measured it.’

“Joey stood up ‘I’m grabbing the tape measure. In case you’re not lying, today is the day you learn how long you are.’ Chandler is just cracking up, but Joey is dead serious. He tossed me the square measuring tape.

“I say, ‘What do I do? Just stick this down my pants and measure?’

“Chandler choked he was laughing so hard, ‘You can’t be serious bro.’

“Joey explained, ‘Nah you gotta be hard first. Nobody cares how big a dick is when it’s soft.’

“‘You want me to get my dick hard and measure it?’ I couldn’t believe it.

“‘Yeah. We’ll all do it so you won’t be embarrassed. Chandler, what type of porn do you like? I’ll hook up my laptop to the tv so we can do it in the living room.’

‘Thick brunette MILFs,’ Chandler answered.”

Monica interrupts Joey’s fantasy with a laugh. “You know my husband’s type.”

“You weren’t a MILF when I met you, but you definitely are now,” I say. I love flirting with my wife. She smiles at me.

Ross hiccups, and I think he’s about to throw up. We look at him. He says, “Please no commentary until the end!”

Rachel says, “Okay. Let’s all just let him talk and get it over with. Hunny, continue.”

Ross thanks his wife. Then continues,

“So we’re in the living room, watching porn videos on our big screen tv. Joey was in a chair by himself. Chandler and I were on opposite sides of the couch as far from each other as we could possibly be. Blankets covered each of our laps, but they couldn’t hide the motions occurring beneath. Chandler chose the first video: a curvy brunette with double D tits getting railed in the kitchen by a guy ten years younger than her pretending to be a teenager.

I was focused on her tits, but then Joey said, ‘This dude has a fucking hog.’

Chandler replies, ‘Nah the camera adds ten pounds. They know all the camera tricks. Massive ten inch cocks are so rare. None of these guys have ones that big.’

‘You’re gonna be shocked when I measure my dick in front of you Chandler. You’re about to witness the top 0.1% of dicks’.

And I’m going to be totally honest, the video wasn’t doing it for me. But hearing my best friends talking about their dicks was getting me hard. I worked up some courage and tried to casually ask, ‘What was your measurement the last time you checked?’

Joey laughed, ‘Ah I see what you’re doing. Trying to see if the number I give you is what I measure today. I’m not playing that game. You’ll see soon enough that I’m not just bragging.’

Chandler started going into some long tale about the last time he measured, like he got in an argument with his best friend Carol at camp about how girls were terrible judges of penis sizes. To prove it, Chandler showed her his dick and had her guess and then measure, and she guessed over by like two inches.

I braved a look over at each of my friends and saw pretty sizable tents beneath their blankets. Everyone was hard so it was the moment of truth. We all stood up at the exact same time, and let the blankets fall from our bodies.

They had me go first because I had never done it before. I stretched the tape measure out next to my dick. Joey says, ‘Nah that’s all wrong. Let me do it. He grabs the tape measure, pressed the end into the soft part above my length, and pulled it out until it reached the end of my tip.

He told me my number, and gave me a pat on the back. ‘Now you have an official number to brag to the ladies at the bar.’

Chandler reached over and squeezed the shaft of my dick, ‘Are you measuring his girth next?’

I looked down at my best friend’s hand, gripping my dick. He says, ‘Sorry bro’ but doesn’t take his hand away, and I don’t want him too. I say, ‘You measure my girth and I’ll measure yours.’

I reached over and grabbed his cock and squeezed it in my hand. A shiver flowed through me at my first touch of another man’s dick. Chandler starts subtly thrusting. Our hands were still slippery from the lotion we used to jerk off. His dick gently fucked my squeezing hand. He moans softly.

I reached over and grabbed, Joey’s dick. I couldn’t let him feel left out. I slowly jerked both my friends’ dicks as Chandler jerked mine.

Maybe it was because he didn’t have a dick to stroke, but I felt Joey grab and squeeze my ass. He massaged it and gave it a sharp smack. He praised, ‘Damn Ross. You got a nicer ass than half the bitches I’ve fucked.’

‘He must work out’ Chandler quoted Dumb and Dumber. His eyes were closed as he slowly fucked my hand.

Joey’s finger ran between my cheeks, and tickled my butthole. He pressed it like a button, then rubbed it in circles. He groaned, “I’m so fucking horny right now.”

It was Joey’s idea. The worst ones always are. We went to his room, where he had a lot of lube. We smoked another blunt naked on his bed, and continued to touch each other. Chandler took the plunge first, and sucked Joey’s dick. As he sucked, I intensely milked his cock. He came all over my hands and Joey’s bed sheets.

After that Chandler got post-orgasm clarity and left the room. Joey and I were still horny as fuck and had no such clarity. Joey convinced me to do another suggestion. I laid down on my back and spread my legs like a bitch in missionary. With an obscene amount of lube, Joey mounted me, and fucked my ass while stroking my dick. I came all over my chest and face. Then Joey pulled out of my ass, made me open my mouth, exploded a liter of cum into it, and made me swallow.

“Then I woke of from my THC induced dream, and wished it had really happened. I immediately jerked off to the dream I just had. I’d never done anything homosexual before, but that dream, man, it just turned me on so fucking much. I can’t stop thinking about it. But I know it’s messed up, and that’s why I haven’t told anyone about it until now.”

Ross looks up at us, and waits for our response.

I don’t know what to say. My blacked out best friend just admitted that he has a secret sexual fantasy about me. I don’t want to shame him. The group is stunned silent.

Of course Joey is the first to talk.

“Who had the biggest dick?”