Not too many, I imagine. Just the one, that’s all.

Janice said I might be compatible with more Items, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to look around the shop one more time, considering I only checked the one spot until I found the dial. And, as it turned out, when I took another look around the whole of the shop I found a Notebook that I actually liked. It was surreal, considering I didn’t like the other one because of how I’d have to use it, yet when looking at this new book I didn’t mind the mechanisms behind it one bit. I mean, it’s not like one was more convenient than the other, since they both came with a complementary pen. Neither pen had infinite ink or wrote really clearly or anything, they were just regular pens.

None of the other items seemed to compel me, though. But since I had Normality Items, I figured it couldn’t hurt to set up the usual safeguards any protagonist with a brain has for them. I started with the book, checking the rules written within. It was kinda like a **** Note, only I didn’t need to kill people. So, pretty good for me, all things considered.

“Writing one’s name in the blank line at the bottom of this list of rules cements the writer as the ‘Owner’ of this book. Ownership can only change if the Owner willingly relinquishes their status as Owner. Borrowing this notebook from the Owner is not sufficient to gain Ownership. Upon officially relinquishing Ownership, the space where the former Owner’s name was written will become blank, even if written using a permanent pen or marker, and cannot be erased otherwise, even if written with a pencil.”

“Whatever statement the Owner writes in this notebook, that uses the word ‘Normal’, or derivatives of that word, will become truth, henceforth referred to as a “Normality”. As an example, writing ‘Men normally live to be at least 150 years old’ will adjust the life expectancy of ‘Men’ as the writer defines it to be at least 150 years old. A Normality such as this doesn’t stop irregular cases from occuring, in the example’s context this would mean a ‘man’ dying at the age of 100 instead, as it only alters what is considered normal. Special cases can always arise. If someone other than the Owner attempts to write a Normality, then the writing will disappear from the page upon completion.”

“If the Owner wishes to revoke a Normality, then they must indicate this with an additional motion. If the Normality was written with a pencil, then erasing part of or all of the Normality can indicate a revoking. If the Normality was written with a pen or marker, crossing out the Normality can indicate a revoking. If the Owner wishes, as an outlandish example, they may even tear out the page that the Normality is written on and throw it away, or write a message reading “I revoke this Normality” accompanied by an arrow pointing to the Normality in question. Any gesture will do, as long as it expresses a desire to reverse whatever changes to reality were caused by a Normality. Upon revoking the Normality, the writing itself will vanish from the page without a trace.”

“This notebook has infinite pages. Only the statements written in pages still within this notebook are treated as Normalities. If a page is torn from the notebook with no intent to revoke while a Normality is written on it, the writing from the torn page will disappear, before reappearing on another of the infinite blank pages within the Notebook itself. To find a page with a given Normality written on it, the Owner can flip through the visible pages while desiring to find a certain Normality, which then causes a serendipitous finding of the page in question.”

“The Normalities written into this notebook affect the world or universe that it is currently located in. It is impossible to affect other universes or worlds directly through the use of a Normality. As an example, if the Owner writes “The denizens of the Universe of My Hero Academia that are aged 18 years old or older dress in skimpy clothing and have a population composed of 90% women, all of whom are always incredibly attractive to the writer of this sentence.” then such a Normality would not cause any alterations to the universe mentioned unless this notebook was taken to said universe.”

There were some more rules like that, but I got bored and just skipped to writing my name in the Owner’s space. The basic gist, anyways, was that the notebook could never be destroyed for good, even by setting it on fire or shredding it in a blender. It was a lot more abilities relating to the self-preservation of it and the Normalities written in it than the **** Note had, which I was certainly thankful for.

Ready to begin writing, I told Janice “Thanks for letting me get these. Is there... anything else I can do for you before my companions and I leave?” She narrowed her eyes, replying “You wanna get in my pants, don’t you? Oh, wait, not even just that, you want me to have your kids? Damn, you really aim as high as you can, don’t you? Relax, I’m not completely saying ‘no’, ease up hotshot. I’ll think about it, see how I feel about kids.” as she saw me and my five slaves out the door. When we got got out, it was already nighttime. Guess I made portals for a long time, huh?

I ushered us all to the back alley we arrived in, saying “Now, everyone, I’m gonna test my Normality Items, so just chill out for a little bit.” Kurt scoffed, saying “What, you think we’ll get in the way or something? It’s not like we’re amateurs at this magical artifact stuff.” Kate chimed in too with “Yeah, we know what’s what!” but nonetheless, everybody piped down a little.

Flipping open the Notebook, I pondered what I should do first. And since I prefer to mess around with a safety net, I first wrote “If the Owner of this notebook isn’t in the same universe as this notebook, then normally a dimensional portal opens that will put this notebook back into the Owner’s possession.” As a test, I made a green portal leading to an empty field I remembered in the Fantasia World and threw in the notebook. After a few minutes, a small green portal appeared above me, dropping it back into my waiting hands. I shouted “Okay, it works! The portal opened up!” Almost immediately, Berta said “Uh... how’s that? Doesn’t that always happen like that?” and I remembered all my new stuff primarily makes people think stuff is normal.

As an added defense I wrote “The special items owned by this notebook’s Owner normally aren’t desired enough to be stolen, and are normally returned promptly by whatever means necessary, even if only taken accidentally.” underneath the first Normality. Hopefully that would keep the Stopwatch, Smartphone, Dial, and Notebook itself from getting taken by anyone who wanted their powers, as well as anyone who didn’t.

Closing the Notebook, I pressed the Master Switch for the Dial, seeing the watch-face flash once. Realizing that with four items I might be a little encumbered, I spoke aloud “Normally I’d have a bag to put all these special items in when I’m not using them.” Almost like clockwork, a delivery truck drove by with an open back, out of which a single bag popped out after the driver gunned it over a pothole. It wasn’t very big, but had a side-strap that would let me get the bag’s contents easier than with a typical backpack, since it’d hang at my side from only one shoulder. Smiling, I put my Stopwatch, Smartphone, Notebook, and complementary pen into the bag before putting it on, putting the strap across my torso so my right shoulder was used and my left hip was where the bag hung. Beverly noted “Isn’t it lucky that you have a bag like you noted? I suppose it’s as normal as you said, though I still fail to see how this tests your items’ effectiveness.

Rolling my eyes, I switched the big hand dial to the right, switching my actions’ responses to Apathy. I walked up to Alice’s positively thicc, and I did mean to write that with two C’s, body and grabbed one of her breasts, asking “What would you say is happening right now, Alice?” The former hypnotizing **** sighed “Nothing...? What do you want me to say?” as I squeezed her titflesh as much as I wanted.

I stopped my groping and switched my Dial’s small hand to down, making Normalities I said change reality itself, and switched the big hand to the same direction so my actions’ responses would shift to Affinity. Then, I turned off the watch with a button press and two flashes of the watch-face, saying “Welp, time to go home. I can’t wait for you guys to meet the others!” as I made a green portal to my home appear. It was only about half of a day of real time, but the months, maybe even years I spent in frozen time with Kurt as I knocked up an entire planet’s worth of slaves made this portal home feel like a wonderful step back into a life I hadn’t seen in ages.