... you know what, I have errands to do. Or, one errand left to do. I can figure out what to do about a weird girl later.

Somewhat overwhelmed with the implications of what Beverly told me, I decided to just ignore it for now. I had other pressing matters to attend to anyways. Eager to move on, I said “Welp, okay then, let’s keep going, I have one more stop before I’m going to bring us home.” and promptly generated another green portal to our next destination, motioning my five Futanari slaves to follow me. Luckily nobody needed to get dressed as whatever superscience that fixed my shorts as I tore them off in the flying room with that... unknown girl, fixed up their clothes, as well as Dr. Johnson a simple blouse, skirt, and sandals to wear underneath her lab coat, kinky it may have been to keep on wearing just that.

It was good, though, as we were going to a much less sexually open dimension, or rather a much more typical and modern universe, in all but one way. You see, I thought it prudent to get at least one more item, or perhaps a set of items to try to ensure the safety of me and my harem.

These items are on the outside quite simple, easy to overlook. Almost in spite of this fact, there’s a variety of stories about them in a website I frequent when I’m feeling particularly horny, CHYOA I think the site was named. They come in a variety of forms, but all share the same basic aspect. Namely, the power of “Normality”.

The Universe I generated the portal to isn’t one that was actually depicted, rather it’s one that I imagine could exist. In the stories themselves, there are a multitude of items that invoke “Normality”, or the status of being declared normal even if that isn’t usually the case. They do things like making a person’s actions seem typical or pedestrian to allowing someone to establish new or long-standing basic occurrences, most commonly something like “Women normally want to have sex with me and get pregnant with my babies, and normally don’t need me to support them financially or emotionally to raise the child well”. Okay, not to that extent, but I’d do that if I had one of them.

The ticket is that in each story there’s just the one item, and just the one type, though there’s stories of earrings, bracelets, notebooks, all kinds of things. I decided to go to a world that possessed all of these items, only each one is located in a store that’s almost entirely unnoticeable. This is done by virtue of it being, naturally, seen as so pedestrian that nothing within could have any real worth. I did, however, make sure to choose a world where no one has, now will anyone ever, actually buy the Normality Items from the store itself, as they’re located in a sea of genuinely mediocre products.

We all appeared out of the portal in a back alley, no one around like I had hoped. I said “Come on, we have to get a look at what shops are nearby. I couldn’t reasonably get us inside where we need to go, so we have to figure out which one has what we need.” as I motioned for my companions to follow me to the street itself.

Kurt nodded “Right, right... what are we looking for again?” Alice and Berta chimed in with “You never actually told us, yeah.” and “Guess hearing he knocked up another Planeswalker threw him for a loop...”

I groaned “I’ll tell you once we find the store, look, try to look for a store with ‘Normal’ in the name. Or at least a weird amount of alliterative N’s.” Kate’s hand shot up in a mock salute as she replied “Yessir, Papa McKnockerUpper!” Yikes. I could only hope that that wouldn’t be a constant nickname. As we searched the street, nobody was really having any luck finding the dang store, until...

“I think this one might be what you’re looking for, correct?” Beverly pointed out, gesturing at a very small store called “Norm & Al’s Normal Goods”, with a small slogan underneath the sign reading “Dependable, Reliable, Normal”. “Wow, how’d you fi-” I asked, before she cut me off with “Eye upgrade, allows for limited detection of basic glamours. Your direction definitely helped, though. I almost didn’t read the sign despite noticing the enchantment.”

Hearing there was an enchantment worried me, since I hadn’t any specific defenses against other magic besides enslaving the caster. And even then, I’m not sure I could do it fast enough before they kill me and take my stuff. But, Normality was no joke either. If I could get something that could let me retroactively change the world, I’d be nearly unbeatable.

So I walked through the door with warranted caution, scanning for any trinkets that featured heavy use of the letter N. Only... all of them did. Every single possible accessory had a letter N depicted on it, and there were multiples of each kind. And on the inside, the store was actually quite large! I was hoping to find one Normality Item in a sea of mediocre others, but this? Worst case scenario, I’m looking for a diamond in a pile of cubic zirconium!

Suddenly, a voice called “Ah, a customer, may I help you? What Normal Item are you interested in?” I turned to see a very attractive woman. She had dark skin and jet black hair, with dark brown eyes, so I figured she was black. Maybe. I didn’t want to clearly presume anything, I didn’t know her, it’d be rude. She had on a grey fuzzy sweater, which was all I could see from her position behind the counter. Noticing what she said, I asked “Normal Item? What do you mean? I must say, you’ve made me terribly curious now.” while trying to not let on exactly how much I already knew, mentally commanding my companions to search the store for something that would actually possess Normality.

The woman giggled, saying “Normal Items allow the user to make use of Normality. You basically control what’s considered normal for your own ends. Though you probably knew that already. What you don’t know is that the second function, that thing where you say ‘Normally women fall in love with me at first sight.’ and it happens? That only sticks in the Plane you say it in. So if you go to another world, say ‘Grabbing a girl’s butt is a normal greeting,’ then go back home, you’ll get slapped for ‘greeting’ a stranger at a bus stop by squeezing her cheeks unless you said it at home too.” as a small grin spread across her face.

Some of my enthusiasm drained as I slouched a little, my attempt at a ruse being entirely unnecessary apparently, as I asked “So... I’m guessing you know about me? And what I can do?” The shopkeep answered “Yes, yes, we’ve had a few Mindslavers before now. Usually they’re not as ‘reserved’ as you though. They usually try and stick a worm in my ear or make me sign a contract, thinking they’re so clever for coming up with ‘Control the girl and she’ll give me Normal Items for free!’ like a kindergartener. It’s why I put up defenses in the shop. By willingly coming through the doors you agree to not cause harm to come to me, willingly or unwillingly, personally or through the actions of others you enlist, as defined by you or as defined by me. And for the record, giving me a command counts as harming me.”

“Yup, sounds fair. Good plan, too. Who’re Norm and Al, though? Or are you one of them, and your partner’s got the day off?” I asked, nodding in agreement with her previous words. The woman’s eyes widened a little in shock as she answered “Oh, you mean the sign? Outside? Wow, nobody’s asked that before. No, Norm and Al are my dads. They retired years ago, went to a permanent honeymoon in the Bahamas. I’m Janice.”

I smiled “Oh, good for them! I kinda thought selling stuff like this wasn’t very lucrative, but it’s nice to hear I was wrong about that. Do you get a lot of customers then?” as I started looking over the items on the various store shelves. Janice chuckled “No, not that many. Though they didn’t exactly need a 401k to retire considering the items they had in stock, if you catch my drift.” as she stepped out from behind the counter, revealing she had on a pair of nice blue jeans and stylish brown leather boots.

My eyes widened “Oh, so this stuff is actually fairly cheap? Good, cause I actually forgot my wallet when I started dimension-hopping...” Janice raised an eyebrow as she stood next to me, asking “You don’t have any money? If only there was a way you had to pay me back...” as she eyed my shorts. Huh. I wasn’t expecting that.

Kinda uncomfortable with being stared at, I grabbed a pair of bracelets and asked “Um, how much would it be for these things?” while holding it up for her scrutiny. She shook her head. “You can’t buy that.” Okay, maybe one of these letter N earrings? I’m not a fan of piercing my ears, but if there’s no other options I can deal with it. Janice shook her head again. “Not either. Look, Normal Items don’t just go to whoever buys them. They go to whoever is promised them by fate. Anyone can be promised one, they just have to find one that resonates with them. Look at your current picks, imagine yourself wearing them, does that image gel with you, and how you see yourself?”

I held up the bracelets and earrings, and honestly? They really didn’t seem like my thing, aesthetically speaking. Notebook, didn’t wanna have to write every little thing, even if the Normalities would follow me from world to world. Oh, a download code for a Normality app! That sounds cool! Though on second thought, I dunno if I wanna put too many eggs in the metaphorical basket that was the Smartphone...

It was then that I picked up, absentmindedly, something I had barely considered. But once my eyes focused on it, I couldn’t stop a grin from spreading across my face. It was a wristwatch with four N’s placed at cardinal points on its face. “Ah, the Normality Dial! You’re quite the lucky man, aren’t you? Not many other items let you pick and choose your Normalities quite like that one. And for such an affordable price too!” Janice explained, before pointing to the $50.00 price sticker on the watch face. I winced “Um... yeah, I really don’t have any money... what was that other option you mentioned?” as I was hoping she wouldn’t demand too much of me.

A smirk came over her face as she continued “Well, I could always use help with deliveries. Come with me to the back office, I’ll show you what I mean.” And follow her I did, seeing as I didn’t have any other options. Inside was stacks upon stacks of plain boxes, each with a folded piece of paper taped to their sides. Janice told me “You just need to make a portal to the worlds I hand you the slip for, to the spot it says to place them, and I’ll take care of the rest. Keep em’ open until I say so, we should finish up soon.” as she grabbed a box, handing me the paper attached. Well, it’s better than taking my organs or trading my soul... I’m pretty sure that last part is why/how I revive a day after **** anyways.

After what felt like hours or boring portal-opening that I couldn’t even see, I asked “So, I know about these things from stories on the internet. Are you guys essentially responsible for them, then?” Reaching into a freshly generated portal with a box in hand, Janice answered “More or less. In exchange for getting all the inventory in the first place I have to get these delivered to other universes that need a Normality Item to be given to their ‘protagonist’, or the person who they’re promised to. Every so often one of those worlds gets depicted in a story, but it’s all coincidence.” as her hand left the portal without the box. “Normally I gotta mail these out by dimensional delivery, but that’s a pretty penny. If you get me through about, oh, half these stacks I’ll let you take whatever you end up vibing with, Dial included.”

As I opened another portal I asked “Wait, I can get more than one?” She just giggled “Yeah, of course. You saw all the types, did you think picking up a watch meant you opted out of a Notebook or a Necklace? If you’re lucky enough to get a Dial to pick you, I’m guessing you’ll have at least one more thing. More lucky than your slaves, in any case. Guess I should’ve figured they had mediocre destinies considering you were able to get them to join your little harem so easily.” and pointed to a few TV’s that I guess showed security camera feeds. And like she said, nobody seemed to find anything they liked. Beverly kept trying Normal Rings only to find they were too big or too small, Kurt and Kate couldn’t pick any Normal T-Shirts that they liked the look of, and Alice and Berta clearly thought all the Normal Hats just made them look stupid.

I countered “Hey, I have a pretty OP form of enslaving, I don’t think it’s so much their fault for not having defenses against Telepathy. Also, Kate’s my daughter and Beverly thought I’m pretty cool, so there.” while unfolding one of the boxes’ address slips. Janice chuckled as my portal opened in front of her. “Hey, whatever floats your boat, just keep these portals coming. This is a lot better than giving me a **** or promising to sculpt my body how I like it, I can tell you that much.” Oh yeah, I guess that was one of the options I could have picked. Probably could’ve lost the Hot Pocket gut without needing exercise, if that was the case.

We kept going at it, eventually making it through all the stacks she wanted me to help with, and I put on my new Normality Dial, and even got a helpful pamphlet to explain how to actually use the dang thing. I set the big hand to down and the little hand to up, making sure to switch it on. I asked “I’m guessing Normalities don’t work on or in the store, huh?” To which Janice replied “That they don’t. It’s best for the business if nobody can mess with us by altering reality.” Once again a perfectly reasonable choice. I’d even say a normal one, given her situation.