Let’s Just Ignore the Fact that the Cartoon Forest was on Fire

You wake up slowly to the sounds of birds chirping. That seems kind of high-budget for a… well, whatever this is. Maybe it’s some kind of recording? You take a quick second with your eyes closed to enjoy the songs of nature, before you decide that it’s pretty much just random chirping and whoever chose this track should be fired.

You open your eyes, and you’re outside. There’s a forest canopy above you and everything, and you’re definitely lying on the ground. What? How did you get outside?

You close your eyes to try to figure this out. The last thing you remember, you fainted or something and then you’re here. Clearly, the interviewer thought you needed some fresh air, so they moved you to some kind of outdoor area near their restaurant and/or fair and/or medieval-themed shoe shine stand. Nothing weird about that. Although it’d be great to know if you, like, officially had a job or something.

Also, could someone please turn off the birds? That’d be great, thanks.

With your firm grasp of the situation, you decide it’s time to get up and find out if you’ve joined the ranks of the gainfully-summer employed. Throwing aside the blanket someone helpfully placed on top of you and getting to your feet, two things become immediately apparent. Well, two and a half things.

First, you’re definitely in the Forest. Not the little clumps of trees planted in the middle of a park so dogs have somewhere to shit woods or even the oh-hey-let’s-go-hiking-but-also-we-can-see-the-parking-lot-like-fifty-feet-thataway woods, but an honest-to-god Forest. Like the ones people dress up to hunt lost kids in, or the Forests where trees practice doing silent trust falls.

Second, you’re naked. Maybe the interviewer decided you REALLY needed some fresh air. Maybe being naked in the great outdoors is good for your physique or something. Maybe being naked at a job interview is some kind of alpha move that will make them give you a manager position. Maybe you’re trying to deal with the fact that….

Second point five, your dick is huge. You know your dick pretty well, and it did not used to be this big. And it’s not just your dick, but you’ve got abs now. It’s not exactly a problem, because who doesn’t want a bigger dick and also abs, but what the what?

Maybe you should get naked in the woods more often.

Taking a quick look around, you realize you should add another thing or two to the list of What-the-Shit-is-Happening-I-Don't-Even-Know. You’re standing in what looks like a small camp site. There’s the remains of a fire, what looks like some packs, and a couple blankets. Also, a sword, a bow (You mentally give some well-deserved props to the props guy, because the fake weapons definitely look cool), and as far as you can tell after a few seconds of rummaging, absolutely zero pants. Or shirts. Or clothes of any kind really.

Okay, well, there’s step one in the grand plan of Things to Do When You’re Naked in the Forest Instead of Panicking or Getting Eaten by a Bear. Find pants. You’re basically a boy scout already!