Fuck with your mom

"Carlos?" you hear your mother bellar from upstairs. "Carlos, are you down there?"

Fuck. You had told her you would look for a job today. And you had been looking! But all you found was this weird remote that claimed it could change reality. It was probably just a toy or movie prop.

"Carlos!" your mother repeated, opening the door to the stairway that descended into your basement lair. The door didn't lock. Since your mother caught you smoking weed down there, free access to the basement was a requirement of her allowing you to still live down there after dropping out of college.

And now you were about to get yelled at again. Fuck.

Your mother pounded down the stairs, a boulder of maternal displeasure heading to crush your mellow.

"Answer me when I call you!" she exclaimed. "You disrespectful..."

She continues to berate you but no sound comes out at all. You look down. You have pressed the mute button.

You look back up. Your 58 year old mother is grasping at her throat, eyes wide, making forceful fish faces as she tries to make a sound come out of her mouth, to no avail. Holy fuck!

You take pity. You hit the pause button. She freezes in place. This is amazing! What else can you do? You had seen all sorts of menus, but you want to try more of the classic buttons. You hit rewind. Your mom rapidly reverses all her previous movements and scurries backwards up the stairs.

You follow her. She continues backwards, picking up shopping bags and backing out of the house and locking the door. You pause again and hit play. Your mom approaches the door again, oblivious to what happened. You open it before she can pull out her keys.

"Here, Mom! Let me help you with that!" you say.

She gasps in surprise as you take the shopping from her.

"Thank you, Carlos!" she says. "I didn't expect you to be here!"

She follows you in.

"Wait, weren't you going to find a job today?" she asks, her goodwill short lived, apparently.

"Actually, I found something better than a job," you say and pull the remote from your back pocket.

"Better than a job?" she asks skeptically.

You pause her.

"Much better," you assure her, and click the 'Profile' button while pointing it at her.

Name: Mariluz Concepción Ramirez

Age: <58>

Height: <152 cm>

Weight: <116 kg>

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Auburn (colored)

Bust: <108 cm>

Waist: <106 cm>

Hips : <111 cm>

Ethnicity: Puerto rican

Religion: Catholic

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