Falling to His ! But not really.

David’s eyes shoot open, and his body comes alive. Arms and legs thrash out in different directions as he finds himself unbalanced, rolling off a cliff, falling to his certain doom.

“This is it you stupid fuck. This is your end.” He hears himself say as he flies through the air.

Or not.

A sudden, jarring, and surprisingly soft surface rushes up to meet him. With a soft “plop,” David hits the floor. After ten good seconds of laying face-down he confirms, with much surprise, that he is not dead. Slowly, he raises his head.

Taking in his surroundings, David notes that he has reappeared on top of a five-foot crate in a garage, where he had promptly spazzed out and rolled off. He now lays in the garage floor on short, trimmed grass.

A car of strange, science fiction-like design sits in the middle of the building.

David stands up. He is facing toward the exit of the garage.

To his left is a workbench covered in strange looking tools and newspapers. To his right is the strange car without tires, floating above the grass.

David turns toward the workbench, picking up one of the newspapers. Its format is familiar, with large text as titles and smaller text beneath, but the language is strange, a cuneiform of unknown origin. As David’s eyes strain to find something, the cuneiform suddenly begins to blur and convert to English. All of a sudden, a strange pop-up text bubble appears mid-air above the now-changing cuneiform text. It reads:

HELLO! YOU HAVE REACHED THEBLOWJOB UNIVERSE LANGUAGE HELPDESK. ONCE AGAIN, WELCOME TO BLOWJOB UNIVERSE. AT BLOWJOB UNIVERSE WE ACCEPT ALL CULTURES AND LANGUAGES, NO MATTER HOW DIVERSE! HOWEVER – WE ARE HERE TO PROVIDE USERS WITH A SLOPPY, SEX FILLED ADVENTURE WITHOUT FRUSTRATION. AND WHAT IS MORE FRUSTRATING THAN LEARNING NEW LANGUAGES? THEREFORE, WE WILL ALWAYS PROVIDE A FREE TRANSLATION SERVICE NO MATTER WHICH WORLD YOU ARE VISITING.

ALTHOUGH WE ARE INCREDIBLY SURPRISED TO FIND THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO READ SOMETHING, AND THAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE CAPABLE OF READING, WE AIM TO PLEASE BY MAKING IT EASIER FOR YOU! HAVE FUN OUT THERE **** WOMEN WITH YOUR COCK! USE THEIR BODIES FOR YOUR PLEASURE!

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY,

BLOWJOB UNIVERSE LANGUAGE HELPDESK.

P.S.

IF YOU ENCOUNTER FURTHER LANGUAGE DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE CALL 1-800-FACE-FUCK FOR OUR 24-HOUR STAFF ASSISTANCE ASSIGNED SPECIFICALLY TO YOU, BARBARA GAGGINS.

“Huh.” David thinks. Swiping the annoying bubble away, you glare at what you were really interested in on the newspaper – the pictures! If David was going to be perfectly honest with himself, he never had the intention of reading the full paper to begin with. As he always used to say in school, reading is for losers!

Placing the paper before him, David notes that each page features colored pictures of (exclusively) beautiful women performing various feats of bureaucracy – you see politicians dressed in slim suits posing, women speaking to one another in various outdoor locations in exotic clothes, and another weird story about a rival territory’s descent into lustful degeneracy with a tribe of male goblins.

There is one thing that is very difficult to ignore – there are three very different features on the women in this world, physical characteristics that makes this a different place from where you were before:

All of the women have blue skin….. with two antennae protruding from their foreheads.

You are snapped out of your newspaper study as the sudden sound of two women talking echoes into the garage. As it gets louder, David realizes that they are walking towards the building. Although they are not within his vision, they sound as if they are right outside the exterior wall.