Discussing College

I wake up to my annoying alarm. I don’t even want to waste time complaining about sleep, I just head out to the bathroom. I quickly wash my face, and immediately go downstairs to get some breakfast. I admire our house interior a bit more, since it looks even better in the morning, but I suddenly feel very hungry. Perhaps seeing my sister masturbating made me desire some action, but I’m sure all I need is food. And fortunately, mom is already awake, and she is waiting for me in the kitchen.

“Good morning sweetheart, how was your sleep?” - mom asks me in a lively tone, but I think I should be the one asking her about her sleep. I don’t know how mom is always up so early, I really think she only sleeps 4 hours a day.

“It was great, thanks for asking… But my belly is not doing so well…” - I reply lightheartedly, making my mother laugh a little. I honestly feel that mom has to cook for me every single day, but she clearly enjoys doing it, so I don’t think it is a chore for her. So after hinting at the fact that I’m hungry, mom starts cooking with a smile. I also smile eagerly, as I know I’m about to enjoy a nice meal. But after a couple minutes of waiting, she serves me breakfast, and I don’t waste any time to start devouring it.

While I eat, mom starts watching the news. She is just watching the news anchor talking about some random topic, which I think involves something about condoms, and how they cause penises to shrink or something. I’m not paying attention to anything but my food, so I don’t even try to look at the news. But as I notice how the scene changes to a girl on a beach, interviewing local people, and talking about how great this city is, I think mom sees this as an opportunity to tell me something.

“The city looks great… It is calm, easy to travel, and it offers so many fun things to do, don’t you think?” - mom asks me cheerfully, but I only nod at her. I don’t want to be rude, I’m not ignoring her, but I don’t know what she is going to talk about, and I’m not that interested in it -- specially because I have an idea of what she is going to tell me next.

“I was looking at the schools and colleges around the area and they seem to be in high ranks, so you’ll definitely have a quality education here, honey” - mom follows up, looking excited for me to study more, but I could not be less interested - Yep, I knew it… I don’t want to waste 5 more years of my life, I would honestly just work at a brothel here or something…

“Mom, I don’t know about all that… I mean, I’m not sure if I really want that” - I reply, showing a lack of enthusiasm, but mostly motivation, because I can’t think of a single good thing about going to college. I could get a better job, but I don’t think the student debt is worth it, so it might be better for mom to not send me to college --- but apparently she can’t accept no for an answer.

“Oh sweetie, here is different… I know you don’t want to study that much, that’s why I found a special school for you… It’s going to help you a lot, just trust me” - mom says calmly, but sounds a bit suspicious with how she is talking. She does make me very curious about her idea, but I’m mostly worried about what she means - A special school? Please tell me she isn’t taking me to military school or something like that.

“What makes this school so special?” - I ask skeptically, but mom doesn’t waste time to answer.

“Well, you already graduated highschool, so you need to go to college… But that sometimes can be really difficult, and I understand that, so I chose this school that adapted the college system and implemented it in a highschool setting… So it’s like you are going back to highschool!” - mom responds, but not even her enthusiasm can prevent me from getting confused - A highschool that acts like college?? What is this?? It sounds like a weird fantasy for people who want to relive their highschool glory days… so me, this sounds perfect. I try not to question myself too much, so I instead listen carefully to mom, and wait for her to elaborate a bit more.

“So, it’s a college facility, really big, with lots of equipment and areas to study, practice, and learn… But instead of a thousand people going to the different buildings on campus everyday, it’s just one class of 30 to 40 students, with a weekly schedule, sharing the same classroom… Of course, some students are going to choose different subjects, and they are going to learn their own careers… But when it comes to general classes, announcements, activities and events, it’s just one grade” - mom follows up, and completely blows my mind. I’m a lot more confused now, even though she just gave me a very clear explanation. But while it takes me no time to understand what she means, it takes me thrice that amount to believe that is actually true.

WHAT?? A single class for the whole college facility??... How is that possible?? They are wasting so much space with so little students… It must be the most privileged college in the world to have a whole campus for one grade… How do we even learn all the different careers when we share the same subjects and-... Stop, this can’t be real, only in a fictional world this could happen - I ask myself in disbelief, but since I clearly can’t solve my doubts on my own, I decide to ask my mother to explain a bit more -- since it appears that she somehow knows how such a perfect system would work.

“So you are telling me that I will have to go to a school where there’s only one class, and you can choose different careers and learn advanced contents like it’s college?? That makes sense, but at the same time sounds impossible!” - I ask my mother, seeking for some confirmation, because I’m starting to go mad from thinking about such a simple, yet hard to grasp concept. But as mom has already explained all that she needed, she just answers with a nod.

“But wait, there has to be more students… If this is my first year, then that means there are other students from second year or stuff like that, right?” - I ask in confusion, but this time mom does have to explain.

“Oh no… They teach everyone in the school for 4 years before they graduate, and are able to get a job, live adult lives, and whatever… So every 4 years a new class comes, and they restart the education program to teach only that class, pretty neat, right?” - mom replies playfully, but I don’t think this is a good time for her to joke around. This already sounds unreal, and if she doesn’t give me the most serious of answers, I will probably never believe that she is telling the truth - I mean, 4 years??... That’s not enough time for all the college careers!!... And how convenient that I get to join at this time, I would have had to wait 4 years if I didn’t…

"Wait so, it is like a private education program for an unique class of less than 50 students that have to go through 4 years of education like highschool, but receiving the services and contents of college? Does that mean... if I join now I will have to spend 4 years studying with the same class in that school?” - I ask mom, and it seems like she is also starting to realize how ridiculous this all is. I still can’t wrap my head around this idea of a college highschool, or a highschool college -- this is just too confusing for me, so that’s why mom has to explain so much.

“Yes, that’s the plan… After all, we want to stay in this city for good, so I thought that this simple education program would help you go through college with ease… Also, since this is such a high quality education service, and it is really difficult to enter, it was really expensive… not as much as regular college, but still…” - mom replies, but her sweet tone turns a little sour, as it’s clear she is trying her best to convince me to join college - Oh no, she is going to make me feel guilty by talking about money… Damn you mom, you know how much I care about you… If you play the sad card I can never win…

“That’s why I really need you to go there, and get your education… Please, I put a lot of effort into enrolling you in this school, and I think it will be the best for you… So please promise me that you will go… do it for mommy…” - mom begs me with puppy eyes, and an adorable smile, which is even more irresistible when she reaches her hand for mine, and holds it tenderly. Her caring expression is making me too sad, and it’s clear that she is eager for me to go to this super private school she enrolled me in. It sounds like her dream, and of course I don’t want to break her dream -- but it also seems like she is manipulating me with her emotions, or else she wouldn’t sound this ****.

Ahhh!! Why do you have to do this mom??... I can’t argue with you when you get like that… Crap, I have to make her a promise or else she will feel bad… I don’t know yet, but I can’t make her sad… Oh, what do I do?? - I ask myself, as panic starts to set it, and mom’s eyes start to tear up. She does look like she will be depressed if I don’t go to college, but I don’t think that’s going to be the case -- but even if she is faking her sadness right now, I know I will disappoint her if I don’t give her that promise, so I have ****.

“Ok mom, I will think about it…” - I reply with hesitation, as I can’t find any other option to please my mother’s begs. I can’t make her the promise quite yet, because I simply don’t know if I really want this, and I can’t turn her down, or else I’m going to feel terrible. So as giving her a vague response is the only good thing I come up with, I keep quiet, and start thinking of what I really want - I can’t ruin her expectations, but I also need to know what I truly want.

Thankfully, my response seems to calm down my mother, but I’m sure she will need a definite answer soon. So as I’m done with breakfast, I stand up from the table, and head upstairs. I lock myself in my room, and start having yet another existential crisis, but a briefer one, because I only have to answer one question - Alright, I can’t mess this up… I need to give mom an answer soon, I just have to figure out what I want in life… That should be simple, right?... What do I want in this new life?