Dear Journal: Day One, Recap!

Dear Journal,

Once upon a time, there was a boy, crying like a pussy. Then all of a sudden, bam, his dick grew, his balls dropped, hair went everywhere and a kid he was no longer because it was clobberin' time, bitches. That handsome little tyke? Sionara! In that naive junior's place was an enlightened Buddha. Life, no, the dream, the dream of all men, had been born in him; from then on, he found there was more to treasure than just pits of gold, or lost civilizations, or conquering the sea. No, it had them all played. It was better, nobler, bouncier.

Yeah, it was tits.

Mama milkers.

NIPPLED CUSHIONS!

Blessings, gratefully distributed in pairs, given to us to cradle in our fingers, to pinch like the cheek of a newborn!

Just watching them go boing, boing, boing, and gajong, gajong, gajong, and blowgh, buzshawgh, tatatatatata, buh-bam-kazam-shrooghcgkawwwkaww!! Shit, where was I?

....Oh yeah.

TITTEHHHS!

Just watching them is enough to make any man worth his balls park his pecker into a lady's republic and be granted full citizenship then and fucking THERE.

That day, when I set out to sea with my little bro, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and we both had this weird giddy feeling in our tummies, and after that, when we ended up on Ilgram's Shore and the secluded gypsy cave then finally arrived at some tiny cape town where we were first tossed these normal looking, innocent pair of totally-sellable earrings by some weirdo hoodstranger... all that time, I just knew, I always knew, following my heart was the best decision I coulda made.

'Cause why?

'Cause I just fucked fucking Nico Robin's face!!

That's why.

That's right; somehow, these two ear-pieces I now got on me, (fittingly shaped in the letter 'N') are magical NORMALITY EARRINGS.

Their abilities have to be seen to be believed, and as Robin so helpfully demonstrated to me, you pro'lly won't even if you did. They're able to override people minds like a steering wheel. Anyone not wearin' them will be subject to its power. When I have them on they'll be totally into accepting all the shit I throw at them, no matter what! And it doesn't stop there; thanks to these boring blots of jewelry you can also change reality itself. Or at least, people's perceptions of it.

It's amazing alright. I've already made some test runs, and can confirm it works like a fucking clock. Here's what I've screwed into reality so far.

NORMALITY NOTES

• Babe Spotters are now a normal crew role. Still ain't a hundred percent sure what it'll take. Just going to make it up as I go along for now. But the main jist is that it's also normal for them to inspect women they think are hot so they could be made a babe on their crew's ship, and are looked at professionally!! Not like a "pervert", ya see -- these guys have a license to slap your pussy!
• It's normal for women to give their panties to other people as friendly gestures, which people can't resist giving at least a sniff. It's even a more effective gesture when they've just freshly orgasmed and cummed into those panties though.
• It's normal for Nico Robin to vocalize herself in Nakaba-fied, perverted fashion when I sexually stimulate her. This is fun as shit. Might change it for only specific cases, might not, we'll see.
• It is normal to be honored about ingesting my cum, since I am the one, the only, Babe Spotter Nakaba! Though I don't know how it'll go if they don't know that that's who I am yet... so.
• It's normal for Nico Robin to spank herself whenever she is referred to by her full name. Just my personal thank you to her for being so lovely. Besides, exercising those devil fruit powers of hers like that can't be a bad thing.

I have already roped Robin under my ranks as an officially marked Babe. No doubt, with her help, a lot of interesting plans can be set loose. And not just on the Straw Hats. I predict her use as an asset to the cause will prove very rewarding in the near future.

But enough of the old times!

I haven't been yanked out of this wet dream yet and that's promising and as long as that's the case I'm lookin' straight a-fucking-head.

Ohhh boy. So far, it's been a hell of a day and I'm pooped. My body still feels crappy and I wish that dumb accident never happened in the first place, 'cause yeah, who wouldn't. But this ain't a bad turnout. It might just be the beginning of a grand cruise. After getting to fuck with Robin (her head included) it took a whale to bring me out of the high. Next, of course, is the ship's pretty lil' navigator. With her tight slender body and T&A's like THOSE? No brainer! It's not like the little hoe's gonna mind. I mean, LITERALLY.

Maybe.

I dunno how much I'm gonna rely on these earrings' power, so maybe she might. Haven't tried to see what'd happen when I take 'em off which is something I'd like to do if it makes shit more interesting, but not if it means I'm immediately getting my ass BEAT. Something to think over.

Jerking off,
Nakaba