Better Introduce Characters Who Actually Fuck

It takes significantly less time to wort your way down the path to Dragon Skull Fuck Mountain than it did to get up, which is a problem. Because as soon as you actually began to ride, you realized you had no idea where you should be going beyond the foot of the mountain. You must have a castle somewhere; Trundle kept complaining about how comfortable his room there was and how certain someones kept dragging him away from it on pointless adventures. But fuck if you have any idea where it is. You wonder absurdly for a moment if maybe you should have scooped up Trundle's bits in that ash sack, then decide it probably wouldn't have magically given you directions to your theoretical castle. You miss Google Maps.

Well fuck, you suppose you might as well just start heading down the road. The dragon seems content enough, a bit quiet as she sits behind you with her arms wrapped around your waist. Speaking of which, maybe it would be best if you don't call her 'the dragon'. Sort of impersonal. "Um, I'm sorry but I'm realizing I never asked your name."

"It's The Hiss of Flesh Sizzling Off of Scorched Bone."

"................"

"It's a stupid name. You hate it."

"I, no, no! It's, um...I mean, I'm sure it's traditional..."

You can feel the dragon girl pouting as she buries her face into your back. "I hate it. I don't even like that sound. I like taking naps. And when it rains. And, and, that green thing you gave me. What was that?"

"Uh, an apple? It was an apple."

She quickly nods. "See, that's a good name! Dragon names are the worst, 'Oh I'm such a big scary blech that even my name is huge and mean!' I'm leaving my old name back in that dumb cave; call me that now."

"You...want me to call you Apple?"

"Yes." She pauses for a moment. "Is...is that a weird name?"

Well yes, but you have to admit you sort of like it. "No no, I think it's great! It's way friendlier; I think it's a much better match for you than your old name."

Apple grins, squeezing you a bit tighter. "I think so, too. I...hey, it's your bird shirt!"

"Huh?"

The girl points up ahead to where a tabard is draped across a log just off the side of the road, a bit plainer than yours but bearing the same rooster heraldry as the one Apple currently wears. There's a large, muscular man seated next to it, his chest bared as he apparently basks in the sun with his head tilted back. Who the fuck is...oh wait, wait! Is this someone from your castle? This might be your lucky break!

You urge your horse on a little faster, turning your head towards Apple. "Oh great, I think this might be a friend! Just, um, let me do the talking at first and I promise this is going to go fine, okay?"

The girl hesitantly nods, though she still shrinks against you in apprehension. Not that you blame her; she's met two people since she left the cave and she had to incinerate one of them. You refuse to let that happen this time; time to go on a charm offensive. You deftly trot your palfrey over toward the man, who doesn't seem to realize you're approaching. Wait, is he groaning? Maybe this guy is hurt or something.

You decide to call it. "Uh, hey there! Everything alright?"

The man tilts his head further back to see who's calling, revealing an honest-looking face just shy of handsome with a quite crooked nose, his shaggy black hair tumbling everywhere. As soon as his eyes focus on you his grunts turn into a yelp of surprise as he quickly straightens and seemingly tries to shoo something away. "Ahhh! M-m-my liege, I didn't, what are, I mean you, I, I...!!!"

What in the world? Your horse pulls a bit closer, and from your vantage point you realize that the reason the man is so jumpy is that he is currently receiving an enthusiastic blowjob from a perky little thing kneeling between his legs. Who also happens to be half goat, or deer, or...something.

She's certainly gorgeous, her skin caramel brown and two dirty blonde braids tumbling down a lithely toned body. And she certainly seems to know what she's doing, fat lips pursed skillfully around the knight's throbbing cock as she fondles a breast that's just a little over plump for her otherwise slight frame. She'd look almost exactly like some sort of fantasy cheerleader giving her favorite player a treat after a big win, if it wasn't for the downy animal fur that start at her firm tummy, the pert little deer-like tail that lazily flicks behind her, the long ears drooped in sensual contentment, and those cute little horns that merrily pop out from her forehead.

You feel Apple's face flushing hotly against your back. At least you hope that's it, and you haven't been set on fire.

The faun peeks open a bright purple eye, dicksucking unabashedly as she peers up at you. She silently glances over the owner of said dick, who desperately seems to want to say something but keeps being stymied by the girl's apparently prodigious efforts. She curls her hypnotic lips into a little smile, closing her eyes again as she slurps the knight down to the hilt. He groans in a mixture of utter bliss and total embarrassment as he starts to unload down the faun's throat, the girl meeting each blast with a more dramatic than necessary gulping noise. Once it's all over, the knight sagging in relief, she slowly pulls off of him with a wet 'pop', wipes her mouth with an arm, and favors you and Apple with a sunny smile.

"Hii~!"