Agree that they look friendly

“Yes, they seem to be,” admits the squire. “Admittedly, I have little experience with people outside my own village.”

“And apparently not the right kind of experience, even with your own neighbors, eh boy?” Roderick chuckles and winks at him, triggering the warmth of a blush in his cheeks. Fortunately, Alex is spared the need to respond as Roderick brings his horse to a stop in front of an building and dismounts. Alex does the same.

“In every settlement, there is a central place to learn everything you need to know about the town, the people, and the goings on,” says the knight. “Generally, the best places are brothels. The ladies who work there really know how to draw more than bodily fluids out of a customer; they are typically privy to some of the juiciest bits of news, as well. Of course, that’s not the only reason I seek out the local brothel the moment I get into town...”

Roderick looks around before continuing. “A village this small probably doesn’t have a proper brothel. The best we can hope for is the neighborhood slut. Finding out who that is can be a delicate business. I remember a few months ago I had heard rumors of a woman by the name of Georgette who could suck a watermelon through a keyhole. When I got into town, I went straight to the local innkeeper and told him I was looking for this woman Georgette. He asked me what I wanted with her, and I replied that I was hornier than a teenage boy in the king’s harem room and wanted to see if she lived up to her reputation. Damn! How was I to know I was talking to Georgette’s husband? I had to hightail it out of that place so fast that I got to the next village half a day ahead of my own horse!”

Alex looks around at the people walking by on the street. They eye the knight and squire with curiosity. This tidbit about finding information by locating the most wanton woman in the community seems like a stretch to him; it’s probably Roderick’s justification for immediately bedding the first available female. Nevertheless, the rationale does make some sense, and Alex wonders how he would go about finding such a woman if it were up to him and whether he would even have the nerve to talk in such a situation, let alone do all the things Roderick would instantly try.

His eyes fall on the building beside them. It appears to be some kind of local gathering place — possibly a tavern or inn. From inside comes the sound of conversation, some of which sounds rather animated.

Roderick notices his gaze and nods. “That’s right, my boy. Absent a good old-fashioned whorehouse, the local watering hole is always the best place to go.” He starts toward the entrance of the building with Alex in tow.

“What kind of news are we looking for, Sir Roderick?”

Roderick turns his head and looks at his squire in surprise. “Why, what else? We want to find out who the local slut is, of course!”

Alex follows Roderick, inwardly shaking his head at the one-track mind of his mentor. Surely Roderick is just messing with him. If the life of a knight was nothing more than going from settlement to settlement, bedding as many women as possible, the reputation of a knight would be markedly different from the heroic exploits told to children.

As the men walk into the building, they see a number of people seated around tables and a few people sitting or standing at a bar. Behind the bar is a gruff-looking man who is busy filling glasses from the bottles behind him. Two women in dresses and aprons are bustling about, tending the tables. At one table, four men are engaged in intense conversation. Alex can’t make out what they are saying, but from the volume of their words and the expressions on their faces, they seem upset about something.

As Roderick and Alex walk in, everyone stops what they are doing and stares at them in silence. Palpable waves of suspicion emanate from the patrons toward the visitors. Alex takes a deep breath and gets ready to run. Roderick, however, places a steadying hand on his shoulder, and in a commanding voice announces, “Worthy villagers, we bid thee greetings in the name of the Crown. I am Sir Roderick, Knight of the Realm, Defender of the Soil, Guardian of the People, and Defender of the Crown. This is my trusty and most-honorable squire. We beg the honor of your hospitality as we rest ourselves before continuing on our most urgent quest in defense of our fair kingdom.”

The mood in the room instantly changes. The looks of suspicion and hostility are replaced with smiles. Several of the patrons at the tables simultaneously stand and offer Roderick and Alex their seats, urging them to take a load off their feet.

Before he knows it, Alex’s hands are full, each clasping a large stein of ale, thrust upon him by insistent well-wishers. Roderick leads him toward the bar where two stools suddenly become available for them. Alex makes his way there, amid several hearty slaps on his back and words of encouragement and welcome.

“You see, my boy? That’s how it’s done,” says Roderick, in a low voice. The men turn in their stools and survey the room. Roderick continues in the low voice, “And look at that, will you? The lovely barmaids are giving you that look.”

Alex glances at the women. He confirms they are looking at him, but he is surprised to hear Roderick refer to both of them as “lovely.” Granted, one of them is rather attractive, but the other has eyes that squint, a large nose with a wart on the tip, and a very twisted smile. She does have nice teeth, Alex admits, although from what he can see, the grand total of teeth in her mouth is no more than two or three.

“Here’s your chance, Alex,” says the knight. “Why don’t you work some of that charm that I’ve been teaching you and get yourself a nice lass? See if you can find out from her whether there’s anything of any significance going on around here. Find it out, of course, after you’ve ridden her hard on the exciting journey from boyhood to being a man!”

Alex looks again at the women, both of whom continue to go about their duties while casting frequent glances and smiles at Alex. As he is trying to figure out what to do, Roderick leans even closer and whispers, “Just remember.... Don’t put too much stock in their faces, because they all look alike in the dark. Besides, the ugly ones tend to be the best in bed; they know they have the most to prove!”