“Can you disguise me?”

Thinking quickly, Duncan asks Felixia, “Can you disguise me?”

“Ah.... So we’re back to wishing for a big penis, are we? Of course! What better way to make people think you are someone else than to grow a visible pecker? Let me see what I can do.... you aren’t exactly giving me a lot to work with....”

“No! I mean make me look like someone else before my presence is discovered! If I am caught, it is likely you will be, too.”

Felixia considers the Prince’s words and says, “Very well.... Hold still. I will do a transformation spell, but if you move before it is done, your balls will likely detach themselves and go rolling down the hallway.”

Duncan is unsure of whether the creature is serious about his testicles falling off, but unwilling to take the risk, he stands stock-still While Felixia cracks her knuckles and conquers up golden sparks, which swirl and surround him.

Before Duncan can check to see if Felixia was successful, he hears his brother rounding the corner, talking gaily with a servant girl. When he sees Duncan, he stops abruptly and says, “Well, what do we have here?”

It is then that Duncan catches sight of himself in a mirror on the opposite wall. Aghast, he sees his reflection is not his own form, but that of a young woman, with long blond hair, and a pair of the largest breasts he has ever seen. They are barely contained by a narrow blouse that leaves her midrift exposed. Instead of a dress, she is wearing a skimpy skirt that appears to be made of palm branches, and she has a necklace consisting of seashells, some of which appear to have been lost into the vast chasm between her breasts.

Duncan is so astonished by what he sees that he momentarily forgets that his brother has spoken to him. When he recovers his senses, he looks at Stewart, who is wide-eyed, as well, but for different reasons. His eyes are taking in every inch of the glorious sight. The servant girl who is hanging on his arm, looks at Duncan with undisguised distaste and jealousy.

“I say again, ‘What do we have here?’” says Stewart.

Before Duncan can come up with an answer, he hears a voice from behind. “Ah, so that’s where you’ve gone off to!” He sees a man approach who is dressed rather like a pirate, with a bandana covering his head, an eyepatch over one eye, and wearing a filthy kilt with a yellow-gold-black tartan design. At the sight of Prince Stewart, he grabs the dirty bandana off his head and bows deeply, saying, “I beg your pardon, Your Highness. I’m sorry if the wee lass has disturbed you. I was just taking her to the stables to get her cleaned up.”

Stewart and the servant girl are still looking at the transformed Duncan, and so they failed to see what Duncan did — that when the pirate bowed, he was sporting a yellow-gold, fur-covered tail!

“And who might you be, my man?” asks Stewart, sparing a brief glimpse at the man.

“Captain Argyle Haggis MacDoodle-MacBagel-MacBagpipe at your service, Your Highness,” replies the man with another bow. With relief, Duncan sees that he managed to keep his tail tucked under the kilt this time.

“I have just returned from a voyage of exploration to Enchantria, the fabled isle of the half-naked Amazon harlots. I rescued this bonnie lass as she was about to be sacrificed to their goddess Dildoia during their mid-year feasts of revelry and debauchery. I whisked her away just as she was to enter the amphitheater to fight to the **** in their ritual of the nitrogen Jello mudwrestling sacrament.”

“Strange,” said the prince, continuing to look intently upon Duncan. “I have never heard of this place. Perhaps you could take me there some day.”

“Oh, you’d love it, Your Highness! The highlight of every trip is a visit to the Shrine of Boobiegonia — their fertility goddess. You haven’t lived until you have drunk coconut milk from the breastplate of one of the priestesses!”

“And this girl — now that you have rescued her — what is to become of her?”

“I was just going to take her to the stables and hose her down,” responded the pirate. “Try to get the human stench off of her, you know.”

“Human stench?” asked the prince.

“Did I say ‘human’? I meant to say Gumon.” replied the pirate, rather hastily. “We had a nasty run-in with a Gumon right before we hit the harbor. I lost three of my men and my best straw hat, as well! Anyway, once I get her all presentable, I was going to give her to your father — like a souvenir, you might say.”

“And what does she have to say about all of this?” asked the prince, gazing into Duncan’s eyes.

“She doesn’t speak, Your Highness,” said the pirate quickly. “She has taken a vow of silence that can be broken only when she has found the man worthy to take her virginity.”

“So she has never been with a man?” asked the prince, with renewed interest.

“Alas, no... As you can see, she is cursed with a horrid deformity, and so she has taken the vow, ‘May my silence not be broken until my hymen is pierced.’”

The prince studies her carefully. “Deformity, you say? She is the very picture of beauty!”

“She is?” says the pirate, in surprise, taking a step closer and squinting at her. Duncan then saw the one visible eye of the pirate was yellow and catlike. “Well how about that!” the pirate chuckled, but then quickly added, “Aye, Sir.... but compared to the other females of the Isle, she is considered repulsive.”

“I really must see this enchanting land for myself,” says the prince. “In any event, my father is away on matters of state, and it may be some time before he returns. Since he is gone, I will receive the gift on his behalf. When you have finished making her presentable, bring her to me.”

“As you wish, Your Highness,” came the reply, accompanied with another bow. “I’ll see to it myself, and take extra care to make sure all the tree lice get plucked from her nether regions first.”

“Indeed,” says the prince, with a note of confusion in his voice. “But don’t be all day about it. I shall be in my bedchambers, tending to important matters.” His eyes turn to the servant girl at this point, whose cheeks flush as she smiles back at him.

As the couple departs, Duncan turns to the pirate and says, “Felixia, what the hell are you doing?”

“Awww.... You saw through my disguise!” came the pouted response. “Was it my accent that gave it away?”

“It was your tail, your cat’s eye, and your preposterous story,” replied Duncan angrily. “Happy you should be that my brother was too distracted by my appearance to pay much attention to you!”

“So sue me. I was in a hurry. I saved your ass, though, so I think a word of thanks might be in order!”

“I think what might be in order is for you to transform me back to myself so we can get out of here!”

“Transform you back?” asks Felixia, with a twinkle in her one pirate eye. “You only get one wish, you know, and I already granted it.”