The Vagining

It’s been two years since a nano-virus began sweeping the globe. In some ways it felt like things were finally getting back to normal, but in very real ways the definition of normal had changed forever.

What began as a series of outbreaks quickly developed into a global pandemic. The nano-virus was unlike anything anyone had encountered. It had been developed in secret by a private lab, which released it simultaneously in several of the world’s busiest airports.

The viral component was of little threat. Over a third of people never even showed symptoms, and despite billions of infections there have been remarkably few deaths. The virus was just a carrier though; an airborne, self-replicating host to spread the payload hidden inside. Without the nano-tech, it would simply be another near-harmless addition to the long list of viruses referred to as colds.

The technology has the potential to rapidly regenerate and regrow tissue, with wide reaching medical possibilities. But the code in the nano-virus was engineered for one specific purpose.

In half the population it was benign. For anyone with ovaries the virus would simply run its course as a cold and pass. Many never even felt sick. A cervical swab was developed that could tell whether a person had been infected; copies of the virus lie latent on the cervix for years, but otherwise it had no lasting effect.

In the other half of the population, anyone without ovaries, the virus went to work ‘repairing’ their reproductive system. Men the world over had developed a sudden onset condition that replaced their penis and testicles with a fully functional vagina.

The nano-virus had been mocked, feared, catastrophized, and studied. For two years it was all anyone talked about. The pussy plague, the vagina virus, dickless disease; people came up with dozens of corny names, but they all referred to the same indomitable infection. Scientists and doctors the world over tried to find treatments, cures, vaccines, anything to slow the spread. Nothing they tried worked, the nano tech was too advanced, and the spread continued to accelerate.