The Gods Must Be Horny

All things are true.

For as long as creatures on this planet have been able to string thoughts together that didn’t involve basic needs, we’ve been asking the question “Why?”

We ask it about everything. Why does it rain? Why does the sun shine? Why does the sun stop shining? Why am I being eaten by this saber toothed tiger? Even in our earliest forms humans have had an incurable curiosity about why the universe works the way it does. We also have a serious disdain for the unexplained.

So we make up our own explanations. It rains because something way bigger than me must be in the sky crying. The sun shines because a giant dung beetle is pushing it across the sky. The sun stops shining because a giant wolf has chased it away. That saber toothed tiger is eating me because I pissed something off by not making the proper human sacrifice before going hunting.

We made up gods.

Our thoughts gave them form. Our belief gave them power. Our sacrifices fed them. They created us so that we could create them.

Every society that has ever existed on this blue and green planet in a backwater arm of the Milky Way has believed in at least one god. And all of them are real. We created them in our own images. They’re built like us if we were put together on a bigger budget. They have all our merits, all our foibles, only amplified.

They have our libido.

Every perversion under the sun was practiced by the gods. We used them as an excuse for our behavior, and in creating them gave vent to all our darkest impulses. They created sexual taboos for us, but only outlawed them after testing them out first. They’re the Rule 34 of the Multiverse.

These are their stories.

A note from the Editor:

Hey gang! Whysper here. The collection you’re about to read came about due to my OCD worldbuilding. While I was fumbling around for a unifying MacGuffin for my branch of The Affection Multiplier about a year ago, I randomly started writing about Eris, Loki, and Aphrodite. What I thought initially was going to be a one-off chapter highlighting the absurd turn that my story was taking became the prime motivator behind the entire branch.

Well, in early December last year I added a story to ThreeNipps’ Christmas Collection, and realized by the time I reached the end that the way I’d described the framing device for it played right into my headcanon for what was going on in the background of my AM branch. When Deadedge started the Relatively Short Story Collection my entry was intentionally a part of that canon. Same for my Valentine’s Day story.

So my thoughts around that point went along the lines of:

“What if I could get a bunch of people to write stuff for my little universe? I could slack off and not have to populate it all by myself.”

Yeah. I’m lazy.

So I asked some of the best authors I know to contribute. A few were pretty busy with their own projects, but some of ‘em expressed interest.

Not every story here will be a part of my little Jimmyverse. Hell, I dunno if any of ‘em outside the one I write will be. Still I’ve given everyone the tools to take a shot at it.

In the same vein as the other Collections here, I encourage new authors interested in contributing to give it a shot. The most important thing is to be creative and have fun! Never written before? Give it a try! All we ask is that the stories involve gods to some degree and that anyone interested in contributing read the “Note to Authors” linked below.

Have fun. I know I’m going to.

~W