Sex, Love and D&D

“I told you this wasn't going to work!” Sandra, the shapely, big brown eyed, coed playing Rae the Priestess of Saint Cuthbert, complains to her fellow Dungeons and Dragons party members with that playful gentle smile and her kind, yet sexy feminine voice that you find most distracting.

“Keep your panties on princess of lawful good milk and cookieness.” David, your wisecracking crude, but strangely endearing friend, jovially mocks as he moves his Ragnar the Ravagener Thief miniature three hexes forward through the maze of back-alley streets drawn on the table top map. Enjoying ever minute of the chaos he exclaims, “We've got this, trust me! There's no way the guards will get us!”

“Yeah right.” The party's Paladin, played by the pudgy IT major, Brian, mutters as he pushes his glasses further up his nose. “I can't believe you talked us into this.”

“I told you we should have stayed with Saul as leader.” Vivian, Brian's thin redheaded gender studies girlfriend, Sandra's roommate, and Eaubonne the Druid, slaps her boyfriend on the shoulder.

For his part, Saul, your best friend, playing the fallen Ranger Michael Dupré, ignores the drama while carefully studying the map.

Holding up the module, called “City State of the Mad Overlord”, you gleefully announce with all the sadism that only a Dungeon Master can exude, “You better not get caught! This thing is ancient, from the 1980's! They weren't politically correct back then, and its detailed crime and punishment tables are full on medieval.”

“Kinky.” David snickers. “Maybe we should let Rae and Eaubonne get captured?”

“Get bent, perv!” Vivian fires back. The crass but charming David and the hardened rigid feminist are strangely friends, but they do love their bickering.

“Common on," David can't resist amping things up, "it's not like you two don't ERP (erotic role-play) in private. We all know who the Top is, but what's your favorite freak? Let me guess, let me guess . . . Cock-and-ball punishment play for the white knight? I'm right, aren't I? You know I'm right.”

As Brian nervously blushes and looks away, while his girlfriend's ire begins to steam as she glares at the thief. Though David has the unique ability to tell sexiest jokes to feminists, racist jokes to an African-Americans, and blasphemous jokes to fundamentalists, and get a laugh, this quip does makes you a bit nervous. Besides getting a bit too private, you're worried that the group's newest player, the curvy and cute Sandra, might not appreciate how your little geek group fully functions.

When Vivian asked if Sandra could join the game the wiry redhead made you tell the other guys not to hit on her pretty roommate. Of course your lecture didn't stop the ever horny David, or Saul who thinks he is nature's gift to women and even has a girlfriend, from flirting with the well stacked sophomore. Sandra's easy charm and tact at deflecting their advances made her even more attractive in your sight, let alone that she has some standards when it comes to men. There is no doubt you have the hots for her, but your promise, plus your desire not to cause tension in the group, let alone that Vivian told you that Sandra's parents are very conservative and traditional, means you have to try to play things cool around the woman that now haunts your dreams.

Looking over at shapely brunette who sits to your immediate left, you realize she isn't focused at David or Vivian, but on the back cover of your module that you placed face down on the table. It shows and black and white drawing of a naked voluptuous woman being sold at the Mad Overlord's auction. The bidders' raised hands strategically cover her private parts. As Sandra notices your gaze you lock onto those bewitching big soft warm eyes. The right side of her lip turns up in a grin which you are not sure is amusement at the juvenile dated nature of the art or “you have to be kidding” incredulity that you would own such a silly stupid and childish piece of nerd soft-porn.

In the background you hear David ask Vivian if she owns a riding crop.