I'm not man enough

"And now I'll show you your group partners for your next assignment." said the professor at the front of the lecture theatre.

From the corner of my eye I saw Brad turn to his football teammates, they were all huddled together.

"Man, I hope I get a nerd so they can do all the fucking work, I didn't come here to read books." said Brad. Calvin tunred to him with a confused look.

"What?" Calvin said "I'm hoping for a girl whith a tight ass, my dad will look after my grades man. I'll just tell her to meet at mine, get a few drinks in her and it'll be game over". Brad and the rest of his friends patted his back and gave him a roaring laugh.

"Be quiet at the back!" said the professor.

"Sorry Professor, didn't mean to disturb your class." said Brad with a beaming smile.

"Don't worry it's okay" he replied gently. "I've paired you all up randomly, I've put up all your names on the projector. I assume you all know each other by now, I'll give you a couple of minutes to find each other and you'll get your instructions after".

I searched for my name down the list. I read the name next to it, and I was releived. It was Julia Applebaum. I'd been impressed by her last presentation, and she wasn't a party girl. Pretty much the best I could have hoped for.

I looked for her in the crowd of rearranging college students, when I saw her walking towards me. We made eye contact and she smiled.

"Hey!" she said as she waved. She cheerfully ran up the stairs of the lecture theatre and sat next to me.

"Hey" I said "I'm glad we're together for this, I was impressed with your last presentation. And don't worry I'll be a good partner, I'll pull my weight."

"Oh, thanks that's very nice of you to say" she said "I'll definitely need that, I've been struggling with this class."

"That's okay," I said "I don't mind if I have to do some extra work for you, I'm not finding it that hard. I trust that you don't just say that to be lazy".

"Oh thanks you're so sweet. I'm glad we're together too. I was I'm worried I'd end up with one of those idiot jocks like last time. My partner last time couldn't even be bothered to go to the library so I had to go to his house every time, and even then, when I showed up it was impossible to get any work done. I basically had to do it all for him."

"What a nightmare" I said. "I won't be like one of those guys, I promise". We smiled at each other.

The professor read out the instructions for the project and dismissed us. The students became a rumbling crowd headed for the exit. Julia and I agreed we'd meet the next morning to work on the project. We said goodbye, and I saw her walk away by herself. Come to think of it, it didn't seem like she had any other friends in that class. She always sat alone in class, which was strange for such a pretty girl.

But anyway, I headed back to my dorm. I would prepare for my meeting tomorrow to make sure I wouldn't disappoint her.

The next day I met up with Julia, we worked hard for an hour or so. "I'm exhausted, I think that's enough for today" she said.

"Yeah probably" I said.

"You're really smart you know, I don't know how you do it".

"Well I have a great partner to keep me motivated." I smiled

"Haha stop it, you" she play-punched me in the arm and gave me a disarming smile. And just like that, I knew I wanted her. I'd never felt so excited about a girl in my life.

"And what if I don't stop?" I said cheekily.

"Hmm I guess I'll just have to bask in your compliments, haha. I just hope they're not addictive."

"I'm sure you're used to getting plenty of compliments."

"Well, not as many as you'd think really," her smile turned sour "but it's fine I'm not one of those girls who needs constant attention."

Over the next few weeks we kept meeting up to work on the project, and every time she became more and more amazing to me. Her sweet smile, her intelligence, her banter, ... she was the full package. I wanted to ask her out but I couldn't work up the courage. What if I made things awkward? Would we still be able to work on the project together? Would she stop wanting to meet?

I kept thinking about it when I was with her.

"What's wrong, you've been very quiet" she said "am I not being a good project partner?"

"No of course not," I said quickly. "It's that well ... I ... um...err... I've...".

"Spit it out, why are you being weird?" she said smiling.

Without saying anything I held her hand. I looked up at her. I said "well I was wondering, ... if..."

She was shocked and pulled her hand away. She packed her books in a hurry and left looking panicked. My heart sank. My greatest fear had actually happeded. I felt like such an idiot, I couldn't believe it.

After some hours, I sent her a text.

"Hey I hope I didn't make things awkward. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I hope we can still be project partners and forget about this. I was out of line, it won't happen again."

No reply.

I took a shower and went for a walk to clear my head. When I came back I checked my phone. Still nothing.

Suddenly, as I was going to bed, my phone dinged. It was her. I hurriedly opened it and read it:

"Hey, no need to apologize! It's okay, I've actually been having feelings for you too... I'm just so bad at these things I just panicked. I never know what to say or do in these situations. I really think you're a nice guy, really. I'm just really bad at this. I don't want you to thnk I'm one of those girls." She sent another message.

"I was thinking, tomorrow night my housemates are having a house party and I'm not really going to know anyone there. I don't get on that well with them, I can't imagine I'll like their friends either. Would you like to come over? So I don't have to get really drunk to feel less uncomfortable and end up regretting my decisions :/"