A Brief History of Human Sexuality

Greetings, Grand Officer. Thank you for making time for today’s briefing on such short notice. I know that your schedule is tight so I will get directly to the point. My team has signed off on this presentation and I speak for all of them. The recent deep space exploration of the planetary system designated Avrill Prime has proved tremendously successful. We have found hard evidence, for the first time, of alien life in the galaxy. The third planet from the star was once home to abundant life. Not just any life, though. Our team of scientists has found proof of complex lifeforms with a population spanning multiple continents with a high level of intelligence and technology.

Unfortunately, I must speak of them in the past tense for their entire civilization was wiped out some time ago. We have yet to determine the root cause of this collapse although we do have a working theory. More on that later. You see, much of their technology lies in ruins and what few records remain are often damaged beyond use. At first we feared that all information from their history was lost to disrepair, decay, and dust. There is only so much that we can learn from scraps and fragments. We knew that if we were to truly understand these people ne needed to compile a complete picture of their way of life. But as time passed our search seemed increasingly futile.

And then it was as if the Powers heard our petitions. For amidst the rubble of a long dead metropolis we came across a great repository of knowledge. There were compilations of text and images gathered together in “magazines” to stimulate all kinds of intellectuals. Even better for us was the vast array of synchronized moving images with sound with which we could watch and listen to these aliens. It was like seeing them live again, if only for the length of a magnetically charged cassette or digital storage disk.

These aliens, which we have designated “human” based on translations of their languages, had a habit of documenting a vast array of daily activities and social interactions. And it is through these recordings… these historical documents of the highest calibre that we have been able to reconstruct human life as it existed in the last century of their civilization. We owe a great deal to the ingenious historian responsible for “Sleazy Stu’s Adult Vide-O-Rama”. Without them, we would have no way of truly understanding how they lived. It is rather tragic, however, that they also documented their own demise. Whether or not this was intentional, we cannot say. The changes that we have tracked were slow and subtle. But there can be no doubt that these changes show clear evidence of their devolution.

Well, with that out of the way, there are several areas of interest that bear further investigation. With your permission, Grand Officer, I will lay them out for your consideration and then present the findings of our group. Where would you like to begin?