You decide to become omniscient

Remembering what god had told you, you decide that it would be better if he knew

• I, the Supreme Lord of

No, no, no. Too narcissistic.

You cross out the unfinished sentence.

• I, Michael Hazelton, can recite the rules of godhood and

No, too specific.

You cross that out too.

You think for a second. You think and think. Best go for the best logical conclusion.

• I, Michael Hazelton, am an all-knowing god.

As soon as you dot the period, you expected something to happen. Maybe you would feel different, or you would instantly recite the meaning of life and ascend with a higher plane in a shower of divine enlightenment, or maybe your head would just explode. But no, you feel nothing.

"Hey, I thought I was god or something. What happened?"

<You have become omniscient just as you commanded.>

"Shit-fuck!" You shout as you collapse off of your bed onto the floor. You grip the edge of your bed.

"What was that?"

<Your question has been answered and you reacted poorly to it.>

You blink, realizing that you were not actually hearing this strange voice from nowhere, but it was a thought that suddenly invaded your mind, like a song stuck in your head or an epiphany.

"Wait, who are you?"

<You.>

"Huh?"

<You have written in the very laws of the universe that you are all-knowing. The universe must cater to this whim without question, but as you are limited by your human perspective, to comprehend the universe in its infinite scope would undo your untrained mind from its fragile hinges and thus take all of creation along with it. So, to prevent a paradox of a cosmic scale, your mind has created a psychological failsafe in the form of a free dispensary of knowledge to all questions and situations.>

"So your saying that you are just me talking to myself so I don't go mad and destroy the universe?"

<In simplified terms, yes.>

You sit there, digesting this new fact.

"Okay. So, now what do I do?"

<Your omniscience provides facts, not ideas.>