The morning of the wedding arrives

I was picked up to go to the venue at 6:00 a.m. Susan was driving and part of me was concerned that she was still drunk from the night before, but I didn't have a driver's license that looked remotely like me and I was happy to blend into the background as much as possible until the wedding was over. I brought a small duffel bag with makeup, toiletries, women's shoes and a navy dress that allegedly matched the color and style of the group. It wasn't until I sat in the back of Susan’s SUV that I realized how much faith I put in Paul to make sure I didn't look like an absolute clown today.

What the fuck was I thinking? I trusted Paul to buy a properly sized dress and makeup for me? I love the man, but I barely trust in his ability to microwave a bag of popcorn without setting it on fire. There was nothing I could do about it now. He helped me buy some basic clothes and underwear at Target the day before the bachelorette party, so he had some context for what fit me but I have no idea how dress sizes work, so there's no way he does. His sister helped coordinate getting information to him about what style and color dress I needed, so I prayed she helped him buy it as well.

Our SUV was a rental that Susan got when she flew in from Arizona a week ago. Thankfully, Paul's apartment was only a few blocks from the hotel chain everyone was staying at, so it wasn't a big inconvenience for them to pick me up and take me home. I was pleasantly surprised that the SUV smelled offensively floral instead of offensively sweaty like it probably would have if I was part of the groom’s side of the bridal party. It made me feel slightly self-conscious, like I should have applied a lot of lavender lotion or something before meeting them. I wasn’t sure how the whole makeup and moisturizer thing worked yet.

We were an interesting group of girls. Susan barely talked about her life, but I was able to figure out that she had a degree in biology and worked in a lab studying genetics. There was an odd intensity in her eyes when she talked about fruit flies, which were apparently important to her work because of their short life cycles. Megan was a nurse practitioner who loved talking about weird health fads. She spent nearly an hour yesterday talking about the benefits of unpasteurized milk, which made me question how hard it was to get a nursing degree. Carol was a hippie and aggressively New York. Jessica, the girl I probably got along with the best, was an engineer from Maryland who loved playing League of Legends. Paul and I were huge video game nerds but League was a blind spot of mine, so we didn’t have too much to talk about.

The bride, Hannah, and her older sister, Mary, were an interesting pair. You could tell Hannah hated Mary and I didn't blame her at all after Mary’s meltdown yesterday. Shortly after I sat in the backseat, Carol elbowed my and covertly drew my attention to the fact that another fucking bar of shroom-laced chocolate was clearly visible in Allie’s purse.

“Shit.” I mouthed my frustration to Carol as quietly as I could. Mart was a fucking mess. She was the older sister and did not give two shits about what anyone thought about her. She worked for a marketing firm and allegedly made a lot of money, but could not wrap my head around the fact that businesses trusted their brand image to someone I watched literally sit on her ass and cry in public because she thought everyone was ignoring her. I mean… she was right. No one wanted to deal with her but it wasn't our fault she spent hours rambling incessantly about nothing. Even if you tried to engage in a conversation with her, she continuously switched between stories without giving any context for what she was talking about. I know she either hates or loves some guy named Jeremy, and that’s about it.

The last girl in the group was the exact opposite of Mary. The youngest of the three sisters was Brittany, a cute girl that was still in college studying communications. She was barely a day older than 21 and she drank like a fish. She was a quiet and friendly drunk, but she was too horny for her own good. She had a filthy mouth and could find a way to steer almost any conversation into a conversation about sex. She also asked me a weird amount of questions about Paul’s penis, which made me uncomfortable for multiple reasons.

Even though the venue was only 40 minutes away from Paul’s house and had tons of free food, Mary absolutely insisted that we needed to stop at her favorite dinner for breakfast on the way. We looked like a hot mess sitting there. Most of us stared awkward at our cups of coffee while Mary choked down a bagel and ranted about Jeremy, her mouth always half full.

“So. Are you and Paul next.” Mary asked between chews.

“What?” Damn, I hated Mary.

“You know.” She started to pump her arms back and forth suggestively. “Are we all going to have a reunion next year for your wedding?”

“He has got a big diiiick.” Brittary interjected with a singsongly tone.

I did my best to politely explain that Paul and I were really great friends but I wasn’t ready to think about marriage just yet. It was true. I genuinely enjoyed having sex with him, as weird as that sounds, but I also enjoyed having sex with plenty of women and marriage was far from something at the front of my mind.

Carol elbowed me. “Come on.” She said in her thick,New York accent. “You've been together for over a year and that nerd looks at you like you’re a literal goddess. He’s fuck’n lucky to have a girl like you. Look at this. I bet you could get whatever guy you want.”

I didn’t respond. There really wasn’t much more to say, but I regretted how awkward I had made the conversation. We all sat in silence for a while before the waiter came with our check. Hannah and I were the last girls out of the door when we made our way back to the SUV and she gently put her hand on my arm and smiled at me.

“I want to let you know that I’m happy you’re here. I know it’s probably awkward being in a group you barely know, but I could barely believe it when Paul said he was finally in a real relationship. You’re cooler than he made you out to be and if you ever decide you want to tie the knot, I would be super happy to be your sister.”

Fuck. That threw me for a loop. Hannah had barely said a word to me during the bachelorette party but what she just said felt so personal and real, it rocked me to my core. For a half second, I actually wondered what it would be like to have her as a sister. Paul as my husband.

Hannah smiled at me. “And don’t worry. I’d protect you from that one.” She pointed at Mary, who was yelling loudly into her cellphone as she paced back and forth behind the SUV. “She is… having a tough time dealing with the wedding and she doesn’t even fly home for holidays, so you’ll never see her. Brittany’s also more fun that you’d think. If you know any cute guys her age, please let me know because she needs a good dude really bad.

I don’t know what came over me but the only way I knew how to respond was by giving Hannah a hug. We smiled and then continued on our way to the car as if our conversation never happened.

As we finally made our way to the venue, the thought of Paul in a tuxedo caused something to stir inside of me. I felt moisture in my parties and I was afraid I was about to have my first period, but it turned out the thought of Paul as my husband really turned me on. I didn’t know it yet, but I was going to learn in a few days that being on X-Change doesn’t mean you can have unprotected sex. I would eventually have my first period, but not for the next nine months.