The hangover

I cleaned up in the bathroom before going into my bedroom. Monica was asleep with the light on. I turned off the light and snuggled up next to her.

Calling my sleep restless is an understatement. When I open my eyes, light pounds through the blinds onto the bed. My mouth feels like a cat slept on it. I roll out of bed and get to my bag. I find the bottle of ibuprofen. Even the rattling is too loud, as I shake out a few into my hand. I see a glass with water on the table next to sleeping Monica. I use it to gulp down the pills.

Fuck. I regret this hangover more than I do cheating on my wife. I sit down briefly to get my bearing before getting up to piss. In the living room, I walk past Joey’s naked body still sleeping in the recliner. His mouth hangs open as he breaths heavily and snores. I guess the stench of his breath is from eating Phoebe’s pussy last night.

The bathroom door is closed. I hear the shower running. I open it and quickly get to the toilet to piss. I apologize, “Sorry, whoever is in there. I really had to pee.”

Phoebe’s head peeks out from behind the curtain. She flirts, “You can only pee if I get to see your penis.”

I’m so hungover I don’t even care. I angle my body to give her a clear view of my pissing dick. She smiles, “Ooo you really have a girthy one. Nice.” Her head disappears behind the curtain.

I finish pissing and put my mouth under the faucet in the sink. I gulp down water and then immediately regret it. I bend to the toilet and throw it all up. I keep retching until yellow bile comes up.

I sit back on the floor. My nausea finally gone. The shower turns off and the curtain opens. Phoebe says, “Seeing your dick was not worth hearing all that. You owe me.”

She stands nude and dripping water. I stare at her petite body covered in tattoos. She grabs a towel and dries herself. She watches me watch her. She uses the towel to push together her full and surprisingly perky tits. Each of her small dark nipples is pierced with a silver bar. She brings the towel down and dries her black bush of pubic hair. She turns around showing me her plump ass before wrapping the towel around herself covering up.

She says, “A cold shower always helps my hangover. Too bad you couldn’t have joined me.” She leaves me in the bathroom alone.

I **** myself to get up and go to the kitchen. I hear the sizzle of bacon. A skillet cooks it on the stove. Ross sits at the table, his head in his hands, a cup of black coffee in front of him.

Pouring myself a cup, I say, “You’re the last person I expected up and cooking.” I grab some bread and put slices into the toaster.

Ross groans, “Trust me, I don’t want to be up. Why did you have to fuck so many chicks dude? You could’ve been nice to me, and just said the only woman you’ve ever fucked is Monica. One shot would’ve been great, not however many I took last night.”

I don’t tell him I added one more to my list last night. I say, “I’m sorry. The **** gave me loose lips. I learned a lot about everyone.”

“Everything is a blur, but it was fun. I only have one regret,” Ross says, standing up to flip the bacon.

“Yeah taking 15 shots is pretty regrettable,” I reply.

“No not that,” says Ross. “I regret not getting to fuck last night. My nuts feel like fucking boulders. Those stories got my body pumping last night.”

“You and Rachel didn’t get down? I would’ve assumed you would have at least gotten a blowjob. I know how much you get them from her now,” I say referencing Rachel confession.

“I wish. I wouldn’t have remembered it, but at least my balls wouldn’t be ready to burst. Speaking of balls, did you see the pair Joey has stuck to his leg. Tiny dick, HUUGE balls. Poor guy,” Ross says taking another sip of coffee.

Phoebe comes into the kitchen, fully dressed now. She says, “Hey don’t talk about my husband’s dick like that. He’s a GROW-er not a SHOW-er. Not everyone can have a long dangling soft dick like you.”

Ross sets down his cup, “You saw my dick last night?”

Phoebe laughs, “Everyone did. You swung it around showing it off to the group. A really great helicopter impression.”

Ross looks mortified. I try to calm him by adding, “Don’t believe her. You didn’t swing it around like that. You just had a little trouble stuffing it into your pants after pissing.”

“Oh well. Now everyone knows what I’m packing. Nothing to be ashamed of I guess.” Ross says passing out some bacon.

Monica enters the kitchen and says, “And now I know what everyone is packing after seeing Joey on the chair.” She is in her pajamas, her brown hair up in a messy bun. She not wearing a bra, her nipples press against her T-shirt. I guess after last night she is more comfortable with everyone. I get her a cup of coffee.

The four of us sit around the table eating bacon and toast. Monica says, “I’m feeling okay right now, but I know it’s going to hit me like a sack of bricks this afternoon.”

Phoebe says, “I may look great right now, but I feel like shit inside. How is Rachel faring? Speak of the devil.”

The door from outside opens, and Rachel comes skipping in. She is wearing white running shoes, short running shorts and a sports bra. Her hard nipples press against the fabric. Her pale freckled skin glistens in sweat. She cheerfully asks, “How y’all doing this morning?”

Monica throws a piece of half eaten toast at her, and says, “Eat you skinny thing! You’re all skin and bones!”

“And boobs. Skin and bones and boobs,” Phoebe adds. “You can’t forget her giant boobs. Rachel, you’re making me sick, you gotta stop bouncing.”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel bends to pick up the toast then takes a bite. She goes and stands behind her husband. She massages his shoulders and asks, “Did anyone get lucky last night? Unfortunately my husband was out for the count once he hit the mattress.”

“Not us,” replies Monica. “I was in the mood until I hit the mattress, then all I wanted to do was sleep.”

“Awe that is so lame,” says Phoebe. “How am I the only one who got laid last night?”

I reply, “I think you sucked all the energy out of Joey.”

“I’ll do the same thing to you. All you have to do is ask,” Phoebe flirts.

Rachel changes the topic, “So technically we have this place for another night. I know last night was the only night we all had free at the same thing, but if anyone is interested we can stay here another night. We can recover throughout the day. I think there is a pond out back with some canoes. What do you say?”

Phoebe replies first, “I’d love to. Last night’s story telling was so much fun. I’d love to see what else we have to reveal. Buuuuuut Joey has this work event that we have to attend. So I’ll have to wake his ass up soon to get on the road.”

I look at Monica, and then let her answer, “In the shape I’m in, I cannot imagine riding in a car. I definitely need a day of recovery, and I don’t think the grandparents will mind watching the kids another night. And if Chandler is lucky, I might wear the lingerie I brought tonight.”

Rachel cheers, “Yay! It’ll be great.” She looks at me and smiles.