The Wizard

Obviously, you hit Y on the old keyboard. The screen pauses and then refreshes again.

===SIMPLIFIED SETUP WIZARD===
1) SCAN LOCAL AREA FOR NEAREST USER (DEFAULT - WILL BE SET AS TAM ADMIN)
2) SCAN LOCAL AREA FOR NEAREST PERSON (DEFAULT - WILL BE PRIMARY PoI)
3) BOTH

Well, good to see that setup wizards haven't changed much in the last few decades - both way too basic and yet also assuming the user knows what they want before they even start setting it up. Why on earth would user and person be different? No matter what kind of archaic program this is, there must have been a better way to describe those roles to a brand new user of this wizard. But whatever, you just hit 3 for both. You'll figure it out later.

===SCANNING!===

You let it do its thing, assuming it will fail and give you an error message since the server isn't on the network and has no way to scan anything. It would probably be trying to search a domain and look for machine names or a list of users from an active directory. Maybe there is an old list in local storage and it will bring up a bunch of workers from the '90s, heck maybe some of them still work here at BHC?

===COMPLETE!===
Pritchard, Zachary (SET AS TAM ADMIN)
Hall, Jayne (A/L/L SCORE(s) FOUND, SET AS PoI)

ACCEPT? [Y/N]

Uh, what the hell?

Your first instinct is to worry that the server is in fact on the BHC network, crazy as that sounds. You turn the tower around to confirm with your own eyeballs that there is no network cable plugged in. Then you open the network management tool and confirm that not only is it not somehow on the wireless network but that the SGI does not seem to have any sort of wireless NIC. No random available adapters in the Network Connections either, it just shows Ethernet as an option but the red X confirms what your eyes told you - that there is no cable plugged in.

For a long minute, you stare at the screen with a frown. It seems impossible but you're looking right at it, so there must be a logical explanation. The first thing that comes to mind is a prank, but that seems unlikely. There are a few other IT guys you work with on the Networks team who might pull some prank on you, but nothing so clever or subtle. And besides, all of them work at other facilities, you are the only real IT worker for the whole building, and who would bury an ancient server in a big cage of crap on the infinitesimal chance someone bothers to look at it?

A more likely answer is simply that the server was active very recently. You assumed it was in that cage for years if not decades but that might not be the case. You only started at the BHC 4 months ago, there's a chance the server was plugged in and sitting on this network rack any time up until your first day at work. Jayne certainly was in her current office for a while, so maybe whoever put the server in the Asset Disposal pile knew you were the new guy starting and that was going to be your office? And... added your name to it? Somehow? For some unknown reason?

That... doesn't make a lot of sense. There was another IT person who worked at the BHC before you and had your office, but she left the job a month before you were hired and the position was vacant for a while. But what else could it be?

Somewhat disturbed, but mostly curious, you hit Y to accept. At least this way you'll see something new, and it might explain how your name is on this computer.

===WELCOME Zachary!===
1) SHOW Summary
2) EDIT PoI's
3) ADMIN PORTAL
4) SHOW Tutorial

5)EXIT

Well, the tutorial is certainly appealing, and the geek in you wants to skip to the admin portal and play around, but the summary may be first on the list for a reason. You play it safe and hit 1.

===SUMMARY===
ADMINISTRATOR:
Pritchard, Zachary (AGE 29, SEX M)

PERSON(s) OF INTEREST:
Hall, Jayne (AGE 29, SEX F)
AFFECTION SCORE: 52
LOVE SCORE: 5
LUST SCORE: 10

===NO OTHER PoI!===
===IN ADMIN PORTAL, ADD PoI MANUALLY OR RUN "FULL SCAN"===

You stare at the screen, frowning at the 'love' and 'lust' score. Any possible explanation you had, already weak as hell, just collapsed and gave up. Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, like someone is watching you, you are just about to exit out of the program and shut down the server forever when you hear a dull thump from the office next door.

"Zach! Hey!"

"Coming!" At Jayne's slightly concerned tone you hustle out of your office and into her much smaller one. Jayne is standing in front of the large shelves that takes up almost the entire wall that her office shares with yours. She's standing close to the rack, not quite on her tiptoes but her arms are raised high and her head turned to the right towards the doorway. You take in the scene and instantly see that she must have put a box on the top shelf or moved it and now it was in danger of falling off and either spilling its contents all over or else bonking Jayne on the head and then spilling all over.

A couple of quick steps and you are beside her, reaching up as well. You're only a couple of inches taller than the rather tall Jayne but it helps and you both push on the heavy cardboard moving box, successfully shoving it fully onto the shelf and out of harm's way. As you do you can't help but bump into her shoulder slightly with your left arm, and your left hand touches her right one as you push on the box. When you both step back and lower your arms you simultaneously realize you are standing very close, practically hugging.

You take a pace back closer to the door and Jayne moves away as well, laughing and saying, "Whew thanks for the save! Thought I was going to die at work, my skull crushed by a box full of old binders. What an embarrassing way to go."

Grinning, you try to ignore her cute blush and reply, "Anytime Hallsy. I'd never let anything happen to you, your replacement might suck and odds are they wouldn't go on coffee runs with me."

Chuckling, she nods, "Well thank you for selfishly protecting your interests then. I'd probably also save your life just to avoid having to teach some new IT drone how our access forms work."

"Can't ask for more than that," you grin and leave.

After the approximately 0.5 second trip back to your own office, you see the SGI tower still sitting in the server rack and the old monitor showing you the blue screen of the TAM interface. Oh yeah, this crazy weird mystery. Walking back to the server rack slowly, you see there is a new line of text on the TAM interface window.

==CHANGES DETECTED! SHOW UPDATED SUMMARY? [Y/N]===

There's a moments hesitation as your hand hovers over the keyboard, but what else can you do but hit Y?

===UPDATED SUMMARY===
PERSON OF INTEREST:
Hall, Jayne (AGE 29, SEX F)
AFFECTION SCORE: 55 (was: 52)
LOVE SCORE: 7 (was: 5)
LUST SCORE: 25 (was: 10)

===NO OTHER PoI!===
===IN ADMIN PORTAL, ADD PoI MANUALLY OR RUN "FULL SCAN"===

Ok, this has just officially gone from crazy weird to absolutely batshit insane.