Statue of Hermes

You see, standing in all his glory, a largely nude statue of a man. His toga is completely absent, leaving only his cape to cover anything, if you could call it coverage. Attempting to avert your eyes to look at the rest of his form, you look up towards his face, a sly smile on it, as if he knows and is proud of what he made you do. Looking up causes your eyes to be drawn up towards what his finger is suspending, some sort of orb which is a vibrant dull red, slightly glowing. Come to think of it, the orb is probably magically infused in order to get it to glow like that. Below the orb, which vaguely resembles the planet Hermes, the man is wearing a wide-brimmed winged helmet. His other arm drapes down, towards his hip, hand holding a golden Caduceus. Skin a tanned bronze, your eyes next finally allow themselves to look briefly at his member, which though flaccid, looks as if it could expand to a solid 8 inches (20 cm). His arms and legs are well-toned, feet wearing winged sandals. A plaque below is inscribed with, "Hermes, Lord of Thieves, and sexual deviant - rivalled only to Zeus."

Burned into the stone below the plaque are the words, "Ha! He dares insult me! Besides, that was not what his mother said last night; for I hath done her. -Zeus"