Spring Break ‘08

Hmmm, so this one is pretty wild. I’ll tell you guys about one of my Spring Break trips in college. I hope you don’t think less of me when you find out how many people I fucked in less than a week.

First I have to give a little background because I was a different girl back then than the well-kept mother I am today. Hey! Don’t laugh! I’m a great mother! I’m not like this around my daughter. I blame Chandler! He always gets me so worked up.

But back to me in college.

I was such an emo girl! Even in college. I had short black hair with a little streak of pink. Full bangs. And so many piercings. You could play the xylophone on the top of my ears. I even had one on through my septum. Right here. Yup I was a little bull, and I was running through whoever I wanted.

I was making all the guys say “Goddamn you half-Japanese girls; do it to me every time.” I wasn’t picky. I dated and fucked most anybody. From the skinniest little prick at a Taking Back Sunday concert to the starting forward on my college’s basketball team. (I think he played in the NBA. Shit. Maybe I should have kept in touch.)

I like sex. I like sex now, and I liked sex then. Just back then I had a lot more variety. No offense to my husband here, but the same dick every night gets a little boring for me. Back then I barely fucked the same guy twice, which mean I had them aching for another taste.

Alright back to the story. Spring Break ‘08. Driving in a ‘98 Corolla 19 hours down to South Padre island with four of my best friends.

My girl Jules was driving. She was a strict Catholic girl with a fricking rosary in the rear view. She had a body like an hourglass, and it was counting down to the moment she got laid. She claimed she had multiple boyfriends and was experienced, but I knew she was a virgin. She was so **** for love and finding a guy. She needed my help to find her man.

In the passenger seat was my fat gay best friend Tom. Tom was sweet. Joey has met Tom and has gotten to know him pretty well. Hehe, but that’s a different story. Chandler even had to walk down the aisle with him at my wedding. Tom’s only goal for the Spring Break was to come down a straight guy’s throat. I told him I’d help him out.

Then in the backseat. I was stuffed in the middle with my feet on the hump because I was the smallest. On one side was a hot Latinx chick, Christina, and on the other my best friend (at the time), Mandy. Mandy was an emo chick like me with piercings and tattoos, but she had blonde hair.

Christina just wanted to get drunk and dance. She made me promise not to let her fuck any randos. Worst promise ever. The girl was too horny for her own good, and she made me her babysitter.

Mandy claimed her goal was to have sex on the beach. I tried to tell her it was overrated. But because I had done it, she had wanted to do it. She was always following. I loved her. But she never had an original thought in her head. Always wanted to be me.

We hadn’t even made it out of Colorado yet, and I was already bored. So I pulled out some weed I had packed and said let’s smoke it and come up with an idea to pass the time.

Jules was pissed we were smoking in her car, but we put the windows down even though it was fricking freezing. But once it was done, I thought the car was in a much better space.

I came up with an idea and started giggling uncontrollably. Mandy kept asking, “What’s so funny? What’s so funny?”

I finally caught my breath. “I have an idea to pass the time during this long-ass ride.”