She tries to decline

Rachel waves her hands, “I can’t possibly join you in bed. This is your first night away from your kids all year. I’m sure you want to be intimate. I’ll be fine. This isn’t the first time Ross has gotten this drunk. If he pisses then, I’ll just sleep on the floor. It’s okay. I don’t want to ruin your night.”

Oh shit. Has their marriage really gotten so bad? I knew Ross liked to drink, but I didn’t know getting bed-piss drunk was such a common occurrence that his wife is used to sleeping on the floor. She doesn’t deserve that. She’s such a nice person.

I’m about to say that I’ll sleep on the floor, and she can sleep in the bed with my wife, but Monica speaks first, “You’re not going to ruin our intimate night together. You’re going to enhance it.”

“What do you mean? Enhance it?” Rachel asks.

“Maybe you can make our night away from the kids an extremely memorable one. You’re obviously attracted to my husband. You were all for the contest when you thought he was going to pick you. Then you asked him and me if we still wanted to swap. And my husband hasn’t been able to take his eyes off your ahem considerable assets all night. He’s been really really patient this last year while my body’s recovered from our second kid. I think he deserves a reward.” Monica squeezes my hand.

Rachel looks at me, “Are you sure you can handle two women in your bed?”

I can’t speak. I try to clear my throat and then croak out, “I can try.”

Monica claps, “It’s settle then. You’re joining us. Chandler stay here. Rachel and I need to talk about the logistics first. Then we’ll call you into the bedroom.

She grabs Rachel’s hand and leads her away. I sit stunned. I’m about to have a threesome with my best friend’s wife as the third. How the fuck is this even happening?

My wife’s voice calls from the bedroom, “Alright Chandler. We’re ready!”

I walk across the house and open up the bedroom to have the best night of my life.