Sharing secrets

“Yes,” I say. “Let’s swap secrets.”

We walk down to the lake, and the starry sky opens above us. I lean us to a picnic table. Instead of sitting down, I climb up on it, and then lay on it supine, looking at the stars. Rachel joins me, and cuddles her thin body next to mine. She rest her head on my shoulder and looks up at the night sky with me. I hold her against me.

I start, “First dirty secret: I’ve been checking out your cleavage all night.”

“That’s the worst kept secret ever,” Rachel laughs. “The only person who didn’t know that was my husband because he was too busy constantly refilling his glass.”

“Wow. Sorry. Hopefully you didn’t fill objectified by my staring.”

“Well my first secret is that I wore this shirt, and sat across the fire from you, because I wanted you to check me out. Usually I’m very modest, but tonight I was feeling a little frisky.”

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you show cleavage before. Maybe that why I was so mesmerized that I couldn’t hide my glances. That is a dirty secret. It sounds like something Phoebe would do to tease me.”

Rachel laughs, “Oh she loves to **** you. She always tells me to watch as she purposely bends over in front of you. Then she asks me if you checked her out.”

“Do I?”

“ALWAYS! You are the least subtle man when in comes to checking out ladies. It’s like you’re memorizing their details,” she pats me on my chest. “But I didn’t do it to tease you. I did it to give you a little treat. Monica mentioned you two have been in a sexual lull.”

Now that she brought it up, I decide to tell what’s been weighing on me. “Secret number two: I haven’t had truly great sex in two years.”

Rachel turns and looks at me with concerned, “Is everything okay with your marriage? Why has it been so long?”

“Well Monica’s second pregnancy was rough. Then haven’t a toddler and a newborn to take care of was stressful. She didn’t want to be touched sexually during the breastfeeding phase. Then she didn’t fully recover from childbirth. Penetrative sex was physically painful for her. She had to go to physical therapy. When we did have sex over the last year, it usually ended with me stroking myself to completion.”

I can’t believe I’m expressing all of sexual frustrations to my best friend’s wife. I feel like I’m betraying the confidence of my marriage by revealing our vulnerabilities.

Rachel’s hand gently rubs my chest. My heart pounds, and my body is shaking. Her touch, and soft voice soothe me, “It’s not your fault Chandler. Childbirth is a shock to your body. I know she wants to be intimate with you. Like you said she’s been going to physical therapy. She’s actively trying to get better. Don’t think it has anything to do with you.” Her hand reaches over and massages my arm, and I realize I have my hand balled into a fist. I release the tension. “I now really understand why you couldn’t keep your eyes off my cleavage tonight. You have a lot of sexual frustration built up.”

I let out a deep breath, “I really do. But let’s change the mood. Tell me one of the dirty thoughts you’ve had about me.”

“Oh that will definitely change the mood,” Rachel says still rubbing my arm. “So you were always Ross’s best friend to me. But there was a time that something changed with how I looked at you. You know the Incline at Manitou Springs? We all hiked up it some random morning. And it’s so tiring climbing up all those railroad ties. It was hot, and you were climbing a couple tiers in front of me. At one point, you stopped and took off your shirt. Your body glistened with sweat. I finally noticed how muscular you were. I stared at your back and your arms. Oh your arms.”

She rubs from my bicep to my forearms, “Your arms were so freaking sexy. The whole rest of the way up, I just stared at you with a carnal desire. I wanted to rub my hand up those sweaty arms. I seriously had to tell myself to stop because my boyfriend was right next to me. I shouldn’t have these thoughts about his best friend. But you seriously look so incredible. That hike changed my view of you.”

I blink surprised, “Really? I had no clue. You seemed really aloof that day. I don’t think you talked to me. You even ran down the trail in front of us, leaving me and Ross to walk together.”

“That’s because I was embarrassed how turned on I got by watching you hike up the incline. I couldn’t be near you! I didn’t trust myself. Now tell me a dirty secret about me.”

“I’ve jerked off to pictures of you before,” I blurt out before I even think. Fuck the bourbon has loosened me up completely. I’ve been staring at her tits all night and now I just admitted to jacking off to her. I couldn’t be more of a creep.

Rachel just laughs in surprise. “Which pictures,” she asks. “I didn’t think I had anything too revealing posted.”

I stay quiet, not wanting to make more of a fool of myself.

She prods me, “Come on. Don’t be embarrassed. I want to know. It’s a little hot knowing you’ve gotten off to pictures of me.”

Fuck. I’ve come this far. Might as well tell the truth. “You’re right. You really don’t have many revealing pictures. But you have a few in some formal dresses where you look incredibly sexy.”

“Oh really?” Rachel’s smile flashes in the moonlight.

“Yeah. You have an amazing frame for dresses. Especially dresses with slits that show off your long legs.”

Rachel raises one leg in the air, and wiggles her toes, “I do love my legs. Did you think about them wrapped around you or propped up on your shoulders?”

“Both,” I admit. “But I really pictured raising up your dress and bending you over a table.”

She lets out a sigh, “Oh that sounds really hot.” She brings her hand to her mouth and chews on the knuckle of her thumb thinking. “I have a really dirty secret that I’ve never even told my husband.”

I squeeze her, “You can tell me. I’ve admitted a lot tonight.”

“I wish I had some more ****,” Rachel says. “Screw it. Here it is.

“So at Phoebe and Joey’s wedding, there was an open bar and Ross got drunk. Really drunk. Definitely blacked out, because he didn’t remember anything past his best man speech. His deepest inhibitions came out that night at the hotel room. He did things to me that night that he hadn’t done before or since. He was so rough, almost even abusive. He used me. He treated me like he was my owner. Like the only purpose I had was my holes. And I loved it. I never came so hard. At the end, I had bruises. My makeup was a mess. My dress, bra and underwear were in shreds. And I slept so satisfied and peacefully.

“When I woke up, I cleaned myself off, and hid my torn clothes. In the light of the morning, I was embarrassed by how much I enjoyed being degraded the night before. I never mentioned it to Ross. He didn’t remember the night, and never even asked about the bruises and marks covering my body. I decided it would become my dirty secret. If I was truthful tonight, then I would’ve told Phoebe that that was the time I came the hardest.

“I’ve never had the courage to ask Ross to treat me like that. Sometimes I hope Ross gets so drunk that he does it again, but he never does.”

I squeeze Rachel’s shoulder, and say, “Have some courage. Ask me.”

I can tell she’s scared, but the desire overwhelms her.

“Will you **** me and fuck me like a dirty whore tonight?”