Self-Hatred and Further Analysis

“No.”

“Are you positive that’s your answer?”

“Yes.”

“I hope you know that you can be honest with me. There’s no judgment here.”

“I am being honest with you.”

“You’re not at all disappointed?”

Disappointed?

“Not at all.”

“If you’re not at all disappointed, then what was that look I noticed from you after her answer? Were you embarrassed?”

Embarrassed? Yes. Of course you were. Absolutely.

“No. Of Course not. Why would I be?” You answer dishonestly.

“I don’t think you’re being honest with me Jay.” Becca calls you out on your dishonesty.

It’s weird how well Becca can read you already…
… or maybe you’re not as good of a liar as you think you are.

“Fine. Yes. I was a little embarrassed.” You admit. “Granted, it's not like it’s not my fault I’m embarrassed. I really set myself up for that one. Asking her like the answer was so obvious.” You add self-deprecatingly.

“Well, to be fair to you, there was an obvious answer… just not for the question you asked.”

About an hour earlier…

“Ho-honestly… No. I’m not really into the idea of dating you or being a part of your relationship, Mr. Craig. I’m sorry if that’s not what you were hoping I’d say.” Paige answers.

“What!? Why not!?” Stella shouts, sounding as if she’s the one Paige offended with her answer.

“I’m sorry! Okay! I know that’s what you were hoping for too Stella, but I just don’t see myself with your Dad like that!” Paige retorts, matching Stella’s energy.

“Then what the fuck was the whole ‘I can’t contain myself around him’ about?” Stella asks.

“Did you really say that?” Maddy asks Paige. Knowing Maddy, you’d give her the benefit of the doubt that she asked it out of genuine curiosity, but the smile on her face could definitely be misconstrued as teasing if you were in Paige’s shoes. You look at Paige who is obviously feeling discomfort at being surrounded by you and all your girlfriends, whether official or not.

“Baby, calm down.” You remind her, so that Paige can get some semblance of comfort again. Your reminder lessens the fire in Stella’s eyes, and makes her immediately apologize to Paige.

“I’m sorry, Paige. I didn’t mean to sound like I’m pressuring you to date my Dad. It’s just… I’m just… a tiny bit confused.” Stella admits to Paige.

“I’m not.” Viv chimes in.

“I wasn’t asking— OW!” Stella retorts, before immediately getting a playful slap from Cassie.

“Since Paige is having a hard time explaining it, why don’t you do it for us, Viv?” Cassie suggests.

“Oh, gladly.” Viv replies, and you glance at Paige, and even she’s curious what Viv is going to say on her behalf. It’s when Viv coughs to clear her throat that you realize that she has no plans of explaining it in any clear way whatsoever.

“~My mind’s telling me nooooo~” Viv starts to sing.

“Should’ve expected that.” Cassie just sighs, as Stella stares at her teasingly.

“~But my body! My body~ is telling me ~yeehees~!” Viv continues to sing.

As ineffective at explaining why Paige’s stance is the way it is, Viv’s singing does get an embarrassed chuckle out of Paige.

“Am I right, or am I right, Paige?” Viv confidently asks her.

“Kinda. Yeah.” Paige answers, to the triumphant “HA!” of Viv, and the shocked reaction of Stella. Viv raises her arms smugly and starts twirling around, and even circling Stella and Cassie just to tease them further.

“You’re a cartoon character sometimes.” Brooke can’t help but comment at Viv’s behavior.

“Sometimes?” Stella jumps in on the joke.

“Can you stop, V? We get it. You were right.” Tanya asks Viv, who does as she’s asked. “I swear, sometimes there’s like four teenagers in this group.” Tanya adds.

“We don’t act like that!” Stella says defensively, which gets raised eyebrows from everyone, including you. “... all the time.” Stella then adds, admitting her guilt. “‘We don’t act like that all the time’, is what I meant to say.” Stella continues to double back on her defensiveness.

“As for moi, I’ll just take that as a compliment to my youthful glow.” Viv says with a big smile, and placing both her hands under her chin to add to the playfulness of her reply.

“Can you just please explain what you mean, Paige.” Stella, completely done with Viv’s exercise in smugness asks.

“Um, yeah, so~…” Paige says, before taking another long pause, seemingly embarrassed to explain what Viv meant.

“I think Becca was right to say you have nothing to be embarrassed about, Paige. I assume everyone here understands what you’re going through.” Brooke assures her.

“Me, especially.” Tanya adds on.

“Wait, so you all know what’s going on just from what Viv did?” Stella asks.

“I’m more surprised that you two don’t.” Brooke replies.

“Three.” Maddy chimes in. “I have no clue what’s going on.” Maddy unashamedly adds.

“Did my lovely rendition of Bump and Grind not give you enough clues, Maddy?” Viv jokingly asks.

“Stop fishing for compliments, V.” Tanya tells her.

“Fishing for compliments? Moi? I earn all the compliments that come my way, excuse you.” Viv replies jokingly.

“I’m not familiar with the song, but you did sing it very well, V.” Maddy gives Viv the compliment she was looking for.

“See?” Viv jokingly asks.

“Tangent.” Brooke finally calls it out, getting Maddy and Viv to pause and look apologetically towards Brooke.

“Yes. I believe it’s time you explain to Stella, Cassie, and Maddy your situation, Paige.” Becca advises her.

“Nah, I’m good.” Cassie jumps in. “Brooke’s right. Once I thought about it hard enough, there really is only one other scenario possible.” Cassie points out.

“I really don’t want to say it out loud, Stella. It feels so weird! He’s your dad! He’s my former teacher. My boss is going to have a date with him later tonight. Admitting what I want just feels… wrong.” Paige explains to Stella.

“Why would it be wrong?” Maddy asks Paige.

“I’ll save you the trouble, Paige.” Becca cuts in. “Just to remind everyone what I originally asked, I asked Paige if she wanted to have sex with Jay and not if she wanted to date him.” Becca finally clarifies, getting even you to understand what Paige means now. To the point that you also understand why she’s having a hard time verbalizing her answer in front of the girls who all admit to wanting more than just what Paige wants.

“Wait… wait… wait.” Stella repeatedly says, shaking her hands in front of her face in an attempt to reset the conversation. “That’s it?” Stella asks in disappointment.

“You just want to sleep with Dad with no strings attached?” Stella asks outright.

“I mean… I can’t deny it now can I?” Paige finally admits, still a hint of embarrassment in her tone.

“OH MY GOD!” Stella reacts with a chuckle.

“I know it’s not what you were hoping for Stella, but—” Paige tries to explain to Stella, but your daughter just cuts her off.

“Why didn’t you just say so!?”

“I still don’t get why she just wouldn’t say it.” You say in reaction to Becca’s statement. “I mean, she already saw me doing it in the Red Rum with two girls that I’m not dating. If that’s not enough of a clue that you guys wouldn’t mind what she’s asking for, then I don’t know what is.” You add to explain your confusion.

“Viv was in that play,” Becca points out, “and what she asked for was very specific.” Becca then adds.

Right. No dates. No other girlfriends. No threesomes or orgies. She just wants you… alone.

“If you were placed in Paige’s situation, I would wager that you too would find it difficult to explain to a room full of women that you want to have no strings attached sex with their boyfriend. Not to mention that boyfriend being your friend’s father, your boss’s date for the night, your former teacher—” Becca continues.

“I get it.” You cut Becca off before she could list off more things that would have caused Paige to not want to say her intentions out loud.

“Apologies. I didn’t mean to frustrate you this early on in our date.” Becca suddenly apologizes. Probably mistaking your interruption of her as annoyance.

You and Becca are currently on your way to her place for the date she asked you out on earlier this evening. The events with Paige only just resolved itself before you guys left, and before Maddy had to leave to go with her family to Dante’s as well.

Thankfully, the girls were incredibly supportive of Paige’s situation, and even started sharing their own stories of struggle to control themselves after just hearing you have sex in the next room to make Paige feel comfortable again. You noticed Maddy seemed to enjoy that particular sharing of stories a lot too, most likely feeling a kinship with the other girls and their struggles. She enjoyed it a little too much, and forgot to go back after her time limit was up, causing her entire family to drop by again and pick her up at your apartment before they left for Dante’s. Maddy wasn’t kidding that she raved to her mom and siblings about your girlfriends, as Liza could name them immediately without need for introductions.

Shortly after Maddy and her family left, and promising Maddy that she and Becca are definitely going to make it for the next ‘movie night’ as they’ve missed both at this point, you and Becca decided to head out and go to her apartment for your dinner date.

Which brings you back to…

“I’m not frustrated, Becca.” You tell her.

“Just disappointed?” Becca jokingly asks, recalling the question that started off this part of your conversation to begin with, making you laugh.

“I think we established I was just embarrassed.” You reply playfully.

“I have a query about that, actually.” Becca then says in a more serious tone. “How did you not know that Paige wasn’t after a possible relationship? Doesn’t the app give you clues about that?” Becca asks.

“Ugh. Yeah. Don’t remind me.” You say, annoyed at yourself for having been too focused on just raising Lust Scores that you haven’t paid attention to other scores at all. Completely missing the fact that Paige actually doesn’t have a Love Score for you at all. “Like I said, I completely set myself up for embarrassment when I got overconfident and didn’t pay attention to Paige’s scores. I just assumed she’d want to be a part of our relationship like an idiot.” You admit.

“Has that not happened to you before?” Becca asks.

“What? Being rejected after asking someone out on a date? Prior to getting divorced, countless times. First time it’s happened since I got the app though.” You jokingly reply, making her chuckle.

“Kidding aside, you know what I meant.” Becca forces the question.

“Then no, this is the first time I assumed someone wanted to date me despite what their scores said.” You answer Becca.

“Why do you think that is?” Becca continues to ask. “Hubris?” She suggests.

“I don’t think there’s any other explanation, to be honest. I got high on my own supply. Thinking I’m hot shit just because I can get a girl’s lust score to a hundred any time I have sex with them now.” You admit. The fact that you could even admit that to someone you’re going out on a date with shows you how much you’re getting comfortable with having the app and its powers.

Maybe even too comfortable.

Your tone may have given away how dejected you are at yourself for being prideful, as Becca places her hand on your thigh. You glance towards her and she’s looking straight ahead on the road, and not at you.

“It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that sense.” Becca says with a smile on the corner of her lips, and your laugh starts to make her laugh as well. You take your free hand and place it on top of hers.

“Hey.” You tell her, glancing back at her, and you can see she’s looking at you now. “You have a one-in-seven chance that you have a common mental hang up with someone in our relationship.” You jokingly reply. “But that only means you’ll never be alone, Becca.” You add.

“We’re going to be there for you when you need us.” You assure her.

“We’re going to be there for each other.” Becca corrects you lovingly.

Author's Announcement:

Hey everyone!

This will most likely be the last chapter of the main storyline for December. I'm postponing the upload of the rest of the chapters on Patreon since there's a good stopping point there, and I decided to post the rest of the written chapters in the new year instead.

In exchange, I'm currently writing the Christmas Special and will post it simultaneously here and on Patreon on Christmas Day. It won't be like last year where it's 12 Days of Christmas, but one long story (10,000 words and I'm just starting to write the sex scenes, so I'm not sure how long it'll end up being XD). I'll post the Christmas Special after Chapter 2 (first chapter of this branch), so bookmark that chapter or follow me to get a notification once it's uploaded.

For those who might skip the Christmas Special, I'm going to post a thank you here as well and show my gratitude for continuing to read this story after all this time. It's truly heartwarming and I hope to see you all again next year! :D