Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) read "Subjugation Tournament" by Gambio: The Reviewer Strikes Back

The rain continued interminably. The constant patter of it struck the tent. In the shared sleeping bag, Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) lay back to back, studiously ignoring the sensation of flesh touching by reviewing a story.

"So, we return to a wrap-up for round 4, which precedes the quarterfinals," Sam (♂) said. "Thoughts on the summaries?"

"I don't know if Gambio figures out how the brackets are going to go first and then writes the chapters around them, or if they're winging it," Sam (♀) said. "Some of the asides in the story suggest they did sit down at some point and work out who all the contestants are and have a broad idea of who makes it through which round, at least at some point. The mentioned the assassin vs. the tank, for example."

When a Dark Lord sustains mortal damage, he turns into a blood red stone. Kinda looks like a marble. Rather pretty. I want one.

"Foreshadowing?" Sam (♂) asked.

"Probably," Sam (♀) agreed. "We're spoiled for choice this chapter: three options. Although technically they all link back to the same place. Fuck it, hot springs. Sounds better than shacked up in the woods with you."

But she really had an amazing body. Well, I mean she is from a species called Sexy-Knight, but her boobs where even bigger then when Beatrice still had her glamour on. The rest of her body was nothing to sneeze at either. You expected a trained knight like her to have a firm muscular body, but looking at her naked form, it was surprisingly soft and inviting.

"I mean, it's a start," Sam (♂) said. "Better than just saying she has an amazing body. It's really difficult to express beauty and attractiveness effectively in a show-don't-tell way. No wonder so many writers end up resorting to bra sizes and stock phrases."

"Which doesn't mean you shouldn't try, dammit," Sam (♀) added. "It's the problem with harem stories. Making each character distinctive, both in looks and personality. Need constant reminders. I think Gambio does better with the speech patterns than the physical descriptions in that regard."

Did she not try to hoodwinkle you into believing losing against that Sylphid would not be so bad?

"...I can't tell if Gambio used that incorrectly on purpose or not," Sam (♂) said.

Aiju seemed to like it though as she was snuggled against her big boobs, purring pleasantly.

"Gambio needs to write a story about a loving relationship between a lesbian catgirl and a big-breasted beauty," Sam (♀) said. "One that isn't a harem manga. Just to get it out of their system."

"Oooh, they could set it at Adult High School," Sam (♂) said. "Seriously though, the drawing-of-the-finalists is a long chapter, as these things go, and while I appreciate this is all necessary build-up because there are a LOT of chapters to come, it gets a little tedious to read."

But your insane luck won out again.

"I do prefer competence to luck," Sam (♀) sighed. "And I know he's the protagonist, and therefore favored to win despite all odds—bad ends notwithstanding!—but it would be nice if it felt like he earned it. But then, if he was a badass people would accuse him of being a Mary Sue."

"What we need is fewer superdemons and more characters that feel like protagonists of their own story," Sam (♂) said thoughtfully. "Like ideally, you might have four separate branches, each tracking a possible protagonist competing for good reasons. We never see Dark Lord Ithere balling one of his slaves/former opponents or anything that gives actual personality outside a fight. So we kind of know that despite the power, he's just an NPC."

Naturally, I had no intention of disgracing myself by acting like a fool. I kept my calm and gracefully sighed. “This is on you, Cass. Maybe if you hadn’t cackled like a mad woman he wouldn’t have run off like that. Perhaps it might be prudent for you to apologize?”

"We switched POV character again and I have no idea who is talking. It is a mystery," Sam (♀) said.

"I think it's Beatrice," Sam (♂) said. "Although, again, any fucking character calling her by her first name would go a long fucking way to clear things up. As it is, I'm basing that on the fact that Beatrice is the only one not mentioned by name."

“You want me to choose one of you to take out on a date today.”

". . ." the Sams were silent for a moment.

"Man, Harem Hotel just fucking imprinted on Gambio, didn't it?" Sam (♀) said at last.

"I don't think we can throw stones," Sam (♂) said. "Every writer has plots and scenarios they like, and write to that. But, um. Yeah, that seems specific. Anyway, it means we get to pick one waifu to date . . . and these are all five chapters long."

"Hell with it. Lazy bitch powers, activate! First option, I choose you!" Sam (♀) announced.

“Mari buy dick pump. Is useful.”

Sam (♀) felt Sam (♂)'s shoulders tense.

"Is it wrong to say that I don't see Gambio as providing an accurate, sensual depiction of a vacuum pump in operation?" he said.

"It would be accurate to say that Gambio would only include a penis pump if it was both magic and extremely embarrassing to the male character," Sam (♀) replied. "Also, the likes really dropped off for this date-branch. What the hell?"

The cute, short little catgirl grew two heads taller, got a lot more fur and a lot more cleavage.

"We need more than a sentence for this transformation, dammit," Sam (♂) said with a sigh. "Dammit, Gambio."

“That’s not good”, Aiju determined while giving my...my...thing a pat. “Cute, but dick needed. Can’t mate like this.”

"Skill issue, Aiju," Sam (♀) said. "Fun twist, though."

I can’t be responsible for my actions it’s your fault for being such a super sexy piece of fuckmeat!

"That didn't last long," Sam (♂) said. "I'm kind of okay with Mari continuing to be surprised by the rules of the tournament, since it's been established he didn't read up on them ahead of time, provides an excuse for a bit of exposition dump, etc., but in practice, it sometimes means it feels like Gambio is arbitrarily changing the rules when they realize they forgot or overlooked something."

“You are forbidden from killing yourself.”

"Good default rule. If there was a proper antagonist, the way they treat their slaves would be clearly different from Mari's," Sam (♀) said. "But that would involve a fairly significant restructuring of the tournament format."

“It would behoove you to not underestimate us Galmons!”

"Good word," Sam (♂) nodded approvingly. "Not used often enough."

“How often does little Mari need to go potty per day? And how long does he tinkle and make poopie?”

Sam (♂) felt Sam (♀)'s buttocks clench.

"Watersports," Sam (♀) said carefully. "Are a surprisingly popular kink, but as paraphilia go, requires very delicate handling to not go straight into squick territory."

"I'm pretty sure Gambio isn't going the full ABDL on us," Sam (♂) said. "If only because I'm not sure they know what that means. Anyway, we have another option. Plan B or Plan C?"

"Plan C is a whole separate branch, let's just go with Plan B. We're not getting out of this review THAT easily," Sam (♀) said.

All I want is my ****.

"Points for Gambio," Sam (♂) said. "Characterization is spot-on."

don’t hate the player, hate the game

"I hate to hate on the training montage, but I think we can do both," Sam (♀) said.

And kicked me in the balls.

"Will real progress have been made when Mari can dodge the kick, or when Mari no longer flinches at being kicked in the balls?" Sam (♂) wondered.

"This is technically ballbusting or CBT," Sam (♀) said. "But not like in a kinky way. Gambio doesn't go overboard with the tags."

Daddy looked a bit insane. Well, I guess you have to be a little bit touched if you go stay in that fucking void willingly.

"Okay, so we're on the catgirl's perspective," Sam (♂) said. "Seriously, Gambio, names! Labels!"

"Aiju prefaces everything with Daddy, and she's the only one that does, so it's not as bad as before," Sam (♀) said.

But that is about the extend of the praise I can give.

"Extant," the Sams said together.

"That was a pretty damn good fight, though," Sam (♂) acknowledged.

Just don’t like the cunt.

"Lot of the C-word being thrown around, lately," Sam (♀) noted.

"And on that note, we're going to pick this up again later," Sam (♂) said. "Two more fights for the quarterfinals, then the semifinals, and fuck me running there's a lot of chapters left. Gambio sure can milk it."

"You say that," Sam (♀) smiled. "Like it's a bad thing. I think it's actually admirable. Not just one big long linear story. Different branches! Bad ends! This is a proper CHYOA."