Ross: Blackout and big tits

Fuzzy memory of getting tapped on the shoulder: “Hey I got us a ride! We’re leaving!”

Chandler followed the short blonde bottle girl with the pushed up tits. 34B for sure. I shake the bottle of liquor. It sloshes heavily.

Joey yelled from his side of the table, a pen and a leather booklet in his hand, “I hope you have Venmo. This bill is longer than my dick.”

I took the bottle, which I’m paying for, and put it to my lips. I chugged, the liquor burning down my throat and spilling out my lips. I slammed the bottle back down empty—as daddy used to say they’re sober kids in Africa.

One of the chick at the table said, “Impressive. I could’ve snuck it in my purse for you.”

“Not you tell me,” I said, swallowing back the liquor trying to make its reappearance. I point to another unfinished bottle, “Grab that one!”

She glanced around, then put the bottle in her bag. I gave her a fist pound. Looking down at my ring, she asked, “Are you married?”

“Yeah,” I replied. I’d been married long enough where I didn’t recognize I was wearing a ring.

“Just my luck. Of course the cutest guy is always married.”

I finally take note of this girl. Young. Too young for this bar, she must’ve had a good fake. Strapless dress. Nice cleavage. 32D or 34C. Same thing. Pretty face. Nice smile. If I was single: smash.

We walk out to the parking lot, and I realize we have a pretty big group walking with us. I turned to the dark skinned one, “Y’all with us?”

She laughed, “Yeah. The tall guy said we were keeping the party going back at your hotel.”

I was too drunk to remember the plan: something about getting a chick to fuck Chandler. Well he’d have his options with this group: tall, short, big tits, fat ass. How’d we’d these girls to come with us?

We piled into a big black suburban. They shoved my drunk ass into the trunk. Whose car was this? Why were they going so fast. Taking turns that flicked me like a pinball against the sides.

We finally got to the hotel. They opened the trunk, and I rolled out. Two of the girls had to help me walk to the room. I was helpful for the help. The receptionist might have called an ambulance if I stumbled through the lobby in the condition I was in.

I gave each girl a thank you hug. And maybe a thank you kiss. They may have given me a your welcome French kiss. But it was innocent, they kiss abuelas more sensually in Spain than I kissed these girls.

Once in the room, Joey laid out the plan to the girls, “My friend Chandler is getting married. His fiancée has given him a free pass tonight. We would like him to have a very special treat.”

Shockingly the girls seemed down for this: fuck a bachelor at his bachelor party. Joey got them undressed and lined them up like whores at the bunny ranch.

Dark black hair. Dark tan skin. Brown eyes. A lacy corset. Massive tits. 34G? 36DDD? I had to know.

34C/32D girl. Dirty blonde hair. Pretty smile. Strapless bra. Skinny body. Ralph Lauren underwear. Hazel eyes all over me.

Slim brunette 32A tits. Topless in a thong that showed off the fattest ass. Eat a meal off that ass.

Leopard print bra. 36DD. Yeah, she works out. Might have to ask her for her leg routine.

All these ladies lined up, ready to go for Chandler.

He strolls in with his arm around the waist of the little bottle girl. Walks right past the row of sluts, and right to his room. Doesn’t say a word to us.

I’m fucking stunned. All these sexy chicks, and Chandler pulls his own. “What the fuck was that?”

The dirty blonde who’s been smiling walked over, and sat next to me. “Looks like your friend won’t be needing us.” She passed me the bottle she snuck out of the club.

Taking a drink from it, I stared drunkenly at her tits in her strapless bra. I said, “Can I check something?” I reached around to the back of her bra. She might have thought I was going to take it off, instead I found the tag. “34C.” Still got it.

“You like my tits?” She asked, puffing out her chest. “I’m thinking of getting implants.”

“What size?” I was drooling. Wasted and talking about tits, it doesn’t get better.

She cupped her tits and pushed them up, “I’m not sure yet. DDs maybe. What do you think?”

“DDs would look amazing on your frame. So perfect.” I reached out and replaced her hand with mine, squeezing her tits. “You’re at a good size now, but Double Ds would really throw you over the top.”

The dark haired walking tits sat next to me while I groped the 34Cs. “It’s so funny you’re getting implants. On Monday, I’m doing the opposite. I’m getting my breasts reduced.”

My jaw dropped. “NoNoNoNoNoNo! Why would you do that!? They’re so beautiful.” I buried my face in between her massive tits. Heaven’s pillows. They were amazing. I lifted my head with tears in my eyes. “Don’t do it.”

She laughed, “The appointment is already set. And my back can’t take it anymore. But maybe you can give them a nice farewell tonight.”

Looking at her tanned soft beach balls, I said, “It would be a waste to pass up this opportunity.” I raised the bottle of liquor to my mouth again. If I don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen.