The Talk: Healing Old Wounds

A smile appears across your face as the excitement of possibly being able to explore your undeniable attraction to Cassie has just been made possible by your daughter. You look at Cassie and she’s smiling from ear-to-ear too. Not the awkward shy smile you see she sometimes has, but a genuine excited smile, seemingly just as excited as you are at the prospect of dating each other. You notice her beauty once more and you can’t believe this girl’s attracted to you.

It’s that disbelief that still gives you doubt though. As happy as you are hearing Stella say that, there is still some concern at the back of your mind.

“That’s what I mean when I say I feel like I’m influencing you girls in some way. Your high scores, which I got because I can amplify your affection, could be making you more lenient. Like, you’ll let me get away with stuff you’d normally wouldn’t allow.” You tell them.

“Dad, you don’t have a mind control device. You said it yourself, all it does is amplify affection. If you could control our decisions for us, I would have called up mom already like you told me to.” Stella explains.

She’s right, of course. You didn’t really realize it, but she’s right. Stella still acts like herself, still makes her own decisions, even calls you out on your own bullshit when necessary. The only time you’ve felt you really **** her hand was when you bought the ‘non-smoker’ trait for her, and even then she thinks it’s not the trait but her own decision that’s keeping her from smoking again.

Secure in the fact that Stella is still very much an independent thinker, you brought up the last topic that’s on your list— convincing her to make amends with her mom.

“Speaking of your mom, baby. Can we talk about that now?” you ask her, not wanting to agitate her into another outburst, especially after she just revealed she’s fine with you dating her best friend.

“Look Dad, I don’t know what Ms. Ramirez told you that made you suddenly lose your balls, but I’m not done being angry at mom.” Stella states coldly. “Stella—” you try to say something but Stella cuts you off. “You want me to make amends so bad? Then, fine. Why don’t you go call her up, tell her you already forgive her for cheating on you, then I’ll do the same. I’m sure she’d love that” Stella remarks sarcastically.

Knowing your daughter, she’s just trying to get a rise out of you so that this conversation goes nowhere again. “Stella, I think your Dad—” Cassie tries to interject, but Stella’s having none of it, “Don’t you mean your boyfriend?”, making Cassie slump in her seat, blushing and defeated. Yeah, she definitely doesn’t want this to go anywhere.

“I’m sorry.” Stella says, and you’re shocked that she’s apologizing. “That was uncalled for.” she continues, looking at Cassie who just nods but doesn’t continue what she was trying to say earlier. “Cass, you know first-hand how much this bullshit affected me. At one point, I’m pretty sure I treated you like a wall I just shouted obscenities to so I could vent my anger.” Stella jokingly says, getting a chuckle from Cassie.

“Baby, that’s what I don’t want for both of us anymore. I don’t want her dark cloud to be an ever present thing in our lives. For us to both be able to move on…” you pause and glance at Cassie for a moment, “we’ll need to give up that anger. That hatred.” you continue.

“Maybe for you Dad, but I’ve learned to multitask. I can both hate her for the rest of my life and still be perfectly happy with how my life is going.” she responds. Before you can respond, Stella continues, “Look Dad, I know that’s what you do. You always blame yourself when things go wrong. You also always blame yourself a little too much. Let me guess, you think since a part of you is to blame for the divorce, that it’s unfair that I only blame mom for this bullshit, right? So I should make amends with her because of that, right?”

You can’t help but look down on the table and ponder on Stella’s points. She’s right, of course. You do put too much blame on yourself when things go wrong. Maybe that’s partly why you got depressed as much as you did. You may have been consciously angry at Diane, but you may also have been subconsciously hating yourself for the same amount. Maybe Tanya was just the first voice, other than your own, that made you come to grips with the fact that your marriage wasn’t as strong as you thought even before Diane cheated on you, and that’s why you latched on to Tanya’s words too much.

“Tanya made me realize your mother wasn’t happy with me or our relationship for a long time.” You now admit to Stella in agreement, trying to strengthen her point that you are putting too much blame on yourself.

“See what I mean? Even if she was, does that make her cheating ok—”, she tries to mock your understanding of Diane once more, but you don’t let her.

“NO!” you shout, Stella unintentionally getting a rise out of you.

“No.” you repeat, in a much softer tone. “Of course not. It will never be okay. I will never forgive your mother for what she did.” you continue. “But if we want to move on…” you try to say, trying to reason out why she needs to make amends with her mother; but she cuts you off, “If we want to move on, we have to stop unnecessarily blaming ourselves too.”

She stretches her arm across the table again to hold your hand. “It’s time to stop blaming yourself and maybe start…” she pauses to glance at Cassie, who then stretches her arm across the table to hold your other hand. “Maybe start filling the void she left” Cassie says, finishing Stella’s thought.

“I take back my blessing. You guys are going to be insufferable” Stella jokes, causing all three of you to laugh a little.

…

“I know you just want what’s best for me, and right now, forcing myself to talk to mom wouldn’t be that. I’m not done being angry with her, same as you based on that small outburst earlier… and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Stella says, becoming serious again.

“We’re going to be fine with or without her, Dad”

Acknowledgment: Thanks to AmerHST and Lions_2786 for pointing out something about the main character that I didn’t necessarily intend, but decided to fully embrace as a character flaw, and hopefully help him recover from. Your comments helped shape this chapter, and they were much appreciated.