The End of the Night

You close your eyes and shake your head to remove the image you just saw. ‘What the fuck, Jay?”

“I can’t believe it myself, to be honest.” Tanya tells you in between deep breaths. “Didn’t know you had it in you… papi” she says teasingly.

“Neither did I, to be honest” you respond. You lay on your back next to her on the bed, both of you just staring at the ceiling trying to recompose yourselves.

“I wonder how out of this world Diane’s new lover must be in bed if she left someone like you” she says jokingly, but you don’t take it that way at all.

“What the fuck, Tanya?” you say, turning your head towards her, not hiding your annoyance at her comment.

“Tranquilo, papi. Take it as a compliment”. Tanya tells you, her eyes still staring at the ceiling.

“I only meant that you fucked me so good like I couldn’t believe” Tanya explains.

“Then just say that then” you reply to her, your annoyance still apparent.

“I’m just saying… it makes a girl wonder” she continues.

You stare back at the ceiling too. Feeling defeated. You definitely weren’t this good at sex during your marriage, was that why Diane cheated on you? It’s not like you weren’t trying though. She just wasn’t in the mood most of the time.

Dammit, Tanya. Why’d you have to ruin such a good night?

“You’re not over her,” Tanya says, breaking the brief silence.

Yeah, no shit Tanya.

“You can’t just get over someone you’ve been with for your entire adult life” you reply to her, both of you now back to staring at the ceiling.

“You’re talking as if your adult life is already over. Diane was a huge part of it so far, yes; but what about the rest of your life?”

‘That was surprisingly wise’, you think to yourself. You’d say it out loud, but you don’t want to sound like you thought she was a bimbo beforehand, so you edit it a bit. “Wise words” you respond.

“Why the tone of surprise?” she replies back.

Fuck.

“I’m kidding. I know my reputation around this building. I’m the pendejita who brings home a new guy every weekend.”, “Tanya —”, “Don’t act like it has never crossed your mind. Diane never did.”

“I know Diane got pregnant as a teenager, same as me; but unlike her, I got to experience life outside of marriage. To grow up outside of a relationship. My daughters’ papi was a nice enough pendejo to not give me false hope of a life in wedded bliss. Diane never said it to my face, but I know she resented me for it. I know the face of a jealous bitch when I see one.”

You take a deep breath once more, but not because you’re exhausted, but because this is a lot to think about.

“I never thought about it like that.” you admit to her.

“Of course you didn’t. You were happy. You were happy being a dad, a husband… but more than that, you were happy with that being your life. I didn’t need to know either of you too closely to see the difference between you.” Tanya tells you.

“Diane wanted more.” you say out loud, the realization finally hitting you.

“Took the words right out of my mouth.” she tells you, then lets out a heavy sigh.

“Now that you know that though, ask yourself this, shouldn’t you want ‘more’ too?”

The question makes you turn away from the ceiling and turn to look at her.

Is she saying what you think she’s saying?

She’s still looking at the ceiling. Actually, not once did she break away from it once you started the conversation, so what she says next surprises you.

“Ay dios mio. Don’t look at me like that. It’s like you didn’t listen to a word I said. You just got out of a… ‘whatever Stella’s age is’ old relationship. Don’t start falling for the first girl you fuck papi.”

Oh. ‘More’. Now you understand.

“This was fun, papi. But if you want to stay as gossip from Mrs. O’Brien and not as news to the entire building, better leave now before any of those chismosas wake up.” Her words wake you up to her reality. She’s always had our neighbors talk about her as some floozy, not really knowing why she was doing it. She raised twin daughters by herself, and worked hard enough so that both of them could attend college. Why can’t she want ‘more’ out of her life?

“That wasn’t a request, papi. Get dressed. It’s time to go”, she reminds you. You get up and get dressed, while she still lays naked in bed. You both stay silent as you get dressed. Once you’re fully clothed though, Tanya breaks the silence. “I’m sorry if I got personal with the pillow talk, Jay. I blame —” she starts to pretend counting on her fingers “SIX!” she exclaims, showing you her fingers “— post nut clarities for that one.” She laughs, but you just rub the back of your neck, slightly embarrassed at the number. “Oh, and don’t forget your phone.” She grabs your phone from the nightstand and throws it to you, and you catch it, albeit clumsily.

“You can let yourself out. G’night Jay” she says, before laying her head back on her pillows, eyes closed, with a happy and content smile on her face.

“I liked it better when you called me papi”

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