Intermission: A doubtful glance at the world

Wow, Finn sure is strong. Denise Van Buren sits on one of the benches and watches Millie being whirled around by her brother. A game the girls play with their brother every morning. When Megan also throws herself on Finn cheering and clinging to his back, he kneels and rolls to the side. Even now he is careful that nothing happens to them. Everyone in the house must have noticed his outburst of anger less than half an hour ago, but nobody seems to care.

Denise scrapes her beige sneakers around in the grass, squeezes her feet together and pulls out tufts that leave green stripes on the sides of her shoes. Her half-brother gave them to her. Nate will be angry when he sees that, she thinks and looks at the stains. Or maybe not. The laughs of Millie drown out the music and stands in stark contrast to the thundering voice of Finn. Denise, on the other hand, feels nothing, is numb and perceives what is going on around her as if through a veil. After his request, his decision... his command, he just got up and left. It took a long time before she finally pulled herself together enough to be able to move. She doesn't know why she went outside to the others and didn't hide upstairs. Finn told her to make up her mind. But that's the only thing she has in her head. She stares straight ahead with motionless pupils.

What does Finn have against her? Why does he hate her? Denise doesn't understand what she did wrong. He is almost exactly like Nathaniel. If she watches Finn with Millie in her arms, how he carries her, lifts her up, cuddles and makes her laugh, she can see no difference between him and her half-brother. Denise and Millie are almost the same age. Denise is only a few months younger than Millie. Nathaniel is maybe a year older than Finn. But why is Finn angry when I want to meet boys? No, Finn and Nate are not the same at all. Nate never yelled at her when she did something wrong. Nate is always understanding and patient.

The first thing Denise feels is anger. What does he actually think of telling me what to do? She looks at the watch on her cell phone. Maureen and Josh should come soon. And then it's like the bastard thinks he rules the world. Like Nero, he will burn everything and then Millie will come and apologize to me. And then Nate and I take care of her. Much better than Finn, this Nero does. She stops. Damn it! It was Finn who taught her about Nero. Her fists clench and her fingernails press painfully into her flesh. No, Finn is not like Josh. And certainly not like Nate. Nate would never treat her like that. Millie thinks Finn is always there for her? The contemptuous snort disappears in the cheerful laughter. Nate never treated her as badly as Finn does Millie.

Before the day of her eighteenth birthday, Nate took Denise to one of his parties. That's when she drank **** for the first time. After vomiting - Nate had been waiting and guarding her - he introduced her to his friends. Finn doesn't even have any friends this bastard. It was a great evening and she was happier than ever. Nathaniel and his friends had taken good care of her, invited her over for drinks and together with the friends of Nathaniel they had been celebrating all night. It was the best birthday in her life. Not as boring as this lame party! She had noticed one of her half-brother's friends all evening. He had always watched her from the corner of his eye. He was kind of cute. He had opened her beer bottle for her every time and even thrown the cap away. He had paid attention to how much she had been drinking. That was a real man. Josh would like him. They are not as worried as Finn. Wimp!

Nathaniel's buddy had accompanied her outside at some point. He was very attentive and made sure that she didn't spill her beer. He had even taken the empty bottle out of her hands and thrown it into a nearby river.

She hadn't known where Nate and the other friends were. Only that Nate's friend was a real gentleman. He had put his jacket on the grass, sat on it and hugged her. She was slightly dizzy - maybe from the **** - but Nate's buddy had apparently been careful not to get too drunk. She could still stand upright and perceive everyone around her. So she could see Nate's buddy undressing. She was so happy. He hadn't asked her, but she didn't want that. It was a deliberate decision to let him do it. Denise knew that the **** hadn't made her so unwilling. Nate's buddy - she still doesn't remember his name, or maybe he hadn't even said it - was a sweet guy.

And so Denise had lost her innocence at this lakeshore. It had been perfect - as far as she could remember. Her lover was also very careful with her. He uses a condom, which he then threw into the river as well and had always made sure not to touch her so tightly. He had even cut his fingernails and tied his hair tightly so that nothing could disturb their lovemaking in the moonlight.

When he was done, she thanked her and fell asleep next to him. Maybe I had been drinking something a lot. But I'm damned over eighteen. I can do that. Later, Nate woke her up and she happily told him what had happened. He had helped her get dressed and had driven her home. She had fallen asleep on the way home, but Nate had woken her when they stopped at a gas station. Nate had kissed her on the forehead and after filling up the car he had brought Denise a bubble bath from the gas station shop. He had explained that nothing would work so well against a hangover than a bubble bath.

"You have to scrub yourself thoroughly, then you'll be better soon." She had hugged him and thanked him for the great evening. Her brother had paid for her gift with a hundred-dollar bill.

A shrill laugh pulls Denise out of her thoughts. With narrowed eyes she watches Finn and Millie roll over the grass floor laughing while Megan films the whole thing with the cell phone. The other girls stand around the siblings and watch them play. All are happy. Even Claire and Susan, who treated badly by Finn too. Why does this all happen? She doesn't understand this boy. She did everything right. Josh liked how she behaved. She learned that from Nate and whenever she makes herself available to him he says that she is a good girl. Then why is Finn so mad? He gets mad when she does what girls should do to please boys. He gets angry when she wants to show him what she has to offer. He gets angry when she wants to prove to him that she can drink well. Maybe he's indeed gay? But just one look at him and the girls is enough to drive Denise out of this thought. It is clear that Emma is on him, but she has no chance. Denise would have tried her method in the past, but Nathaniel quickly drove it out of her. Whenever she blows him in the toilet of his favorite disco or lets himself be fingered by one of his buddies, she recognizes the pride in his face. And she likes to do that too. Okay, sometimes the buddies are a little rough, but Nate says they are only because she's such a cute girl.

Another wave of laughter breaks over Denise and she almost drowns in the happiness she sees. Millie doesn't have to do what Denise has to do. Is that so? Is there a way to get your loved ones' affection without having to use your body? Denise doubts it. Millie will never feel the belonging Denise feels when she surrenders to a man.

Then she freezes. Finn crouched next to Millie, who is lying on the floor out of breath. They both look over at her and Finn whispers something in his sister's ear. Millie looks at him questioningly, he nods to her encouragingly and she rises. Under the eyes of him and Megan, Millie strolls toward Denise, whose blood is pounding her face. Her eyes dart from the girl to her brother. Finn has an encouraging smile that she usually only sees on Nate's face after a blowjob.

"Hey, can I sit down?" Millie asks and Denise nods weakly. The two girls look at the group that is now beginning to catch each other. Finn is of course the hunter. "So, my brother said I should talk to you." Both girls find it uncomfortable to be here. Again because of Finn! "You know we'll let you go if you want to." At this Denise snorts contemptuously.

"For sure? Finn would go nuts if he didn't feel like he has the last word with it.”

"He's not like that, honestly." Millie looks over at her brother and Denise looks at her gaze, which she puts on when Finn gets hold of Megan, grabs her by the waist and wants to drag her to the 'prison'. When Karen lunges at him with a shrill battle cry, Millie giggles in a way Denise has heard before, namely by herself. "He just wants to protect you," Millie says, without taking her eyes off the action. But then she makes up her heart and looks at her friend. Her hand rests on the same place as the one of Finn... Denise has to swallow.

"O-Oh yes?" The feeling of the hand on her leg becomes too much and she gently pushes it aside. Denise notices the sideway glance that Finn throws at the two but the situation is over too quickly for her to interpret his looks. Her face gets hot. "How do you want to know? I bet you don't know your brother very well.” In the past, Millie would have burst into tears, and in her insecurity Denise intended to do just that. But now Millie just nods gently.

"It may be. I still have a lot to learn from him... about him. But it doesn't matter, because he knows me."

"Pfft, it's not that simple." Millie seems surprised.

"Not?" She looks back at her brother. "It just seems to me that nothing could be easier." Another snort from Denise.

"Believe me, you will pay the price to be close to your brother. At some point he will ask you something."

"He already has," Millie giggles. "He said he would trust me to be able to talk to you and convince you to stay here with the people who like you."

"I didn't mean that damn it. I can see how close you are. At some point you will have to pay the price for it."

"I never had to do anything to get him around." It seems that Millie doesn't really know what Denise is doing. Is she so naive? Is she giving her brother anything other than sex for his closeness? Money maybe?

"What are you doing for your brother Millie?"

"Huh?" Now the birthday child turns back to Denise. She really doesn't understand the question. "What am I doing for him? Uh, I think I'm happy.” She scratches her head. "I laugh for him, he likes that."

"Fuck no." Denise is getting angrier. It can't be that Millie doesn't have to do anything to be in his favor. He's like Nate and Josh. Denise knows these guys too well. To be loved by a boy is the most beautiful thing she can imagine. She knows what it takes to do that. But what makes Millie so happy when Finn doesn't ask of her? That can not be. "What do you have to do so that he lets you sleep by him? Megan should be the one who is allowed to do so, not you too. But you both sleep by him. Why? What are you doing for him to allow that?” First the eyes of Millie widen and she seems to understand something. Denise grins triumphantly because now her friend seems to understand what she means. The knowledge is in her eyes and Millie slowly nods her head.

"Denise, talk to Finn. I don't know what you mean, but if you think I have to do something for my brother to let me near him, he's right about you.” Denise turns white as a sheet. It can't be, can it? And now it is she who gets doubts about her own words.

"You do not have to do anything?"

"No nothing. He himself is happy to be close to me.” Denise is speechless and in the meantime Millie looks over at Finn. The two exchange a look and Millie turns back to her lost friend. "Now listen. Tell Maureen and Josh off tonight.” She pats her friend's shoulder and her tone becomes lighter again. “We wanted to spend the night in the boathouse tonight. If you like, I'll tell you a bit more about Finn, Megan and me. Maybe you can give me some tips on how to deal with a big brother.” But suddenly Denise doubts these words. And that is the reason for her exhausted nod.

• Wow. Tough stuff man. How dare I ask for your like on this chapter? maybe I'm a monster, maybe I need your help. Life is difficult.