EDP-20, a global pandemic

"My fellow Americans," began the President of the United States in his address behind the Resolute desk in the Oval Office, "I come to you tonight to report on a huge matter. Three days ago, a plane landed at J.D. Mason Airport in Georgetown, from Lion, France... excuse me, Leo, France... carrying a male passenger suffering from a disease many of you are familiar with. Phalars.. Phallus... Farsal.... fuck.... ugh... Erection Dependence. Three-hour syndrome. This foreigner wanted to come to the United States in order to have sex with film actress Sofia Vergara, classy lady, and per State Department protocol, we procured the actress and provided her for his use.

"However, upon finishing his sexual activity with Ms. Vergara, the flight crew, the invited press, and Ms. Vergara's entourage and boyfriend, all came down with symptoms indicative of Pha... the aforementioned syndrome. My people tell me that the disease has gone airborne.

"Now, this is not the time to panic. The CDC has issued strict guidelines on how to deal with this outbreak. This evolution of the syndrome is referred to as EDP-20, and is believed to be a temporary adaptation of the disease. As this is primarily a genetic disorder, those of us without the predilection to the disease will not receive it, or will receive a lesser version that can work its way through our systems with time and ample sexual activity.

"Like many in Washington, I have been exposed to the disease. This was due to my personal observation of the Frenchman's sexual intercourse with Ms. Vergara. I even participated in his insistent gangbang of her afterward. This may have been where I contracted it. My nurses aren't too sure.

"Anywho, as you may have heard, there have been continuous slurping sounds during this briefing. This is due to my daughter, who is sucking my cock as we speak. I will allow her to finish as we talk to the Deputy Surgeon General, the lovely Erica."

The President leaned back with a smile on his face as the camera transitioned to a nearby podium where the Deputy Surgeon General stood.