Diane cocks up, but greater things are in store for the Lab Dems

Mr Speaker: You raise a point. What say the hon. Ladies about following the lead of their hon. Friend?

Carol Sunderland (Collingsworth Gardens) (Lab Dem): I might as well.

[Interruption.]

[Hon. members: "Brilliant!", "Wonderful!", "Great show!"]

Mr Speaker: And the Hon. Member for Collingsworth North?

Diane du Bois (Collingsworth North): I shall do no such thing to desecrate this chamber.

[Hon. members: "Boo!", "Prude!", "Bitch!"]

Mr Speaker: You shall, lest you be named.

Diane du Bois: I shall not.

Mr Speaker: So you insist on desecrating this chamber, not by carrying out its wishes, but by disobeying the orders of its eyes and mouth? [Interruption.] And you desire to do so knowing full well you are about to be named? [Interruption.] All right, if that is how the hon. Lady wishes to proceed, I have no inclination to stop her.

Diane du Bois, Member for Collingsworth North, was named by the Speaker for disregarding the authority of the Chair (Standing Order No. 44).

Motion made, and Question put forthwith (Standing Order No. 44),

That Diane du Bois be suspended from the service of the House.—(Tim Dobbs.)__

Question agreed to.

The Speaker directed Diane du Bois to withdraw from the House, and the Member withdrew accordingly.

Mr Speaker: We will now turn to The Secretary of State's answer to the Laboratory Democrat spokeperson's original question.

"It's Dee-ane!!", Diane tried to correct everyone, from the Speaker to that perverted MP who introduced the naming motion, with regards to the pronunciation of her name. Sighing that it was going nowhere, but thankful that her dignity was intact unlike that of those losers Debbi and Carol, she exited the chamber in a huff and hailed a cab to the Islington flat shared by all of the Lab Dem delegation.

Debbi had tried to get dressed after she sat down once her question had been answered, but found that her clothes had somehow disappeared in all the chaos, leaving her with just her purse for dignity. Carol was in much the same way, so they sat in unison with their legs closed shut and with their purses planted on their laps to cover their most sensitive areas. Now that Diane had left the bench, she decided to scootch closer to Jeff, the leather bench feeling particularly cool on her bare bottom.

"I don't know what the fuck is up with Diane," Jeff whispered in her ear, "pardon my French, but as far as I'm concerned she's demoted from the Shadow Cabinet. You are now the Shadow Chancellor in addition to your Shadow Home portfolio!"

"Brilliant!" Diane whispered back, trying to contain herself the best she could, especially as she heard Jeff's phone vibrate in his jacket pocket before he excused himself to leave. Too distracted to pay attention to the remainder of the day's business, she contemplated exiting the chamber when she saw Jeff come back with the biggest grin of his life.

"The Prime Minister's just phoned me," he began with a whisper that was beginning to strain the limits of an 'indoor voice', "and he wants us to join the coalition. We're going to be government!!!!"

"All of us?" Debbi asked, her heart rate starting to rise.

"I'll think about if I can forgive Diane," Jeff disclaimed, "but yes. We'll be at Buckingham on Tuesday! Come, let's head to the Red Lion to get cunted."

With that, Debbi and Carol grabbed their purses and followed Jeff out, giggling like schoolgirls whilst the other MPs still gave their nude bodies lingering stares.