Hansard

Oral Answers to Questions

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Mr Speaker: I call the Laboratory Democrat spokesperson.

Debra Jenkins (Collingsworth South) (Lab Dem): The Secretary of State insists that the Ablastani government have agreed to stop sending its operatives to terrorise innocent British civilians, but leaves open the question as to why such a policy existed from Ablastan in the first place. The shadow Secretary of State, likewise, claims that Ablastan has been hostile to British interests for quite some time but fails to specify what would have justified such aggressiveness in the absence of any British operations in that country within our lifetimes.

Tim Dobbs (Marmalade-la-Quince) (Con): I don't mean to interfere in this discussion, but I cannot help but recognise the hon. Lady from her distinctive campaign last election, wherein she campaigned as "Naked Debbi", campaigning on Collingsworth's High Street in nothing but a sandwich board, and even going so far as to disrobe during a debate with her opponents.

Debra Jenkins: On a point of order, I don't see how this is material to the discussion at hand, nor am I especially comfortable at having been reminded of my prior escapades.

Mr Speaker: I'll allow it for the time being.

Tim Dobbs: Thank you. I remind the House of such a campaign because I, and doubtless others, were led to believe that the hon. Lady would continue her nudity past the election and into the proceedings of the house.

Debra Jenkins: On a point of order, it would be most inappropriate for me to disrobe in this storied and hallowed chamber. [Hon. Members: "Booo!", "Liar!", "Prude!"]

Tim Dobbs: On a point of order, I must remind the House that the Laboratory Democrats, a new party with not much at all in the way of substantive policy desires, was able to receive 70% of the vote in Collingsworth South in the election. Furthermore, election paraphernalia in three adjoining constituencies were quoted as saying "Vote Laboratory Democrats for Naked Debbi", with none of their respective candidates for the Laboratory Democrats campaigning in person, yet all three such candidates were returned to this House with healthy majorities.

Debra Jenkins: On a point of order, I cannot tell whether the hon. Gentleman is accusing me or my hon. Friends of electoral impropriety.

Tim Dobbs: I am not, but I am noting the hypocrisy and moral turpitude of a party that campaigned heavily, if not exclusively, on the nudity of one of its candidates without actually displaying such nudity once in office.

Debra Jenkins: Be all that as it may, it would be egregiously indecent and an insult to the House for me to get completely naked before the hon. Members. [Hon. Members: "Show us the goods!"]

Mr Speaker: On the contrary, given the information I have received, I believe that maximal impropriety would in fact be achieved were you to remain dressed as you are.

Debra Jenkins: Is that an order to strip?

Mr Speaker: I'm afraid so. If you refuse to disrobe, I shall have **** but to name you.

[Interruption.]

[Hon. members: "Brilliant!"]

[An hon. member: "God save Debra Jenkins!"]

Mr Speaker: Thank you. Have you anything more to say on the government's conduct with regards to Ablastan?

Debra Jenkins: I do not, thank you.

Tim Dobbs: Before we return to the situation of the Ablastani operatives, I would also like to bring to attention the other female members of the Laboratory Democrat contingent, namely the hon. Members for Collingsworth North and Collingsworth Gardens, who are both on the floor with us today. Given the reliance of nudity on their campaigns, I believe they as well have a moral duty to bare themselves as well.