Joey fucked my blacked out wife

Joey looks to the group, “Are you sure you really want to hear this? It was a long time ago.”

“Stop stalling,” Phoebe says. “We all just basically had an orgy while I was blindfolded. There are no more secrets in this group!”

“Well if I’m telling this story, then Ross better reveal his secret next,” Joey points across the room.

“What fucking secret are you talking about?” Ross says.

“Oh you know. And you’re telling us when I’m done.”

“Just tell your story,” I say.

“Fine,” Joey says.

“So we went on that date, and she didn’t want more. That was cool. Things don’t always work out. I moved on quickly. A week after the date, I got a text from her. It was late. I had just started to watch some porn. I was gonna to smoke a bowl, jerk off then pass out. But luckily for me, my phone buzzed with the most cliche ‘U up?’ text.

[Me]: Yea. What’s up?

[Monica]: rly deunk pick ne up

[Me]: Where are you?

I called her. When she answered the background noise overwhelmed her noise. I had to yell, ‘Speak up!’

She slurred, ‘I need a ride home. I can’t find my friends.’

‘You need a ride back up to Estes Park? That’s like an hour away.’

“I’ll make it up to you. Pleeeease. Besides you think I’m cute and you’ll do it.”

I couldn’t leave her drunk and alone in LoDo. I put my dick and weed away, and took off to rescue her.

She was a hot drunk mess. She lounged on a curb in a short dress. Her bare legs stretched out into the street, daring drivers to amputate her. When I helped her up, her dress rode up with thick thighs—only the curve of her big ass kept it from fully exposing the color of her panties. I had to buckle her into my passenger seat. Clicking the belt buckle in brought my face gloriously close to her pale cleavage.

Once I had my drunk passenger safely in my car, I started the long drive up to the town that inspired The Shining. I thought she was so drunk that she would pass out on the drive, but she talked the entire time.

She told me all about what I did wrong on our first date:

#1. Flirted with someone else

#2. Mentioned my penis and its size at least three times

#3. Joked that only guys with small dicks did oral

#4. Referenced that her curvy body would be great at taking big dicks

#5. Not realizing size isn’t a big deal and people don’t care

I said, ‘It sure sounds like a made a mistake letting you know I have a big schlong.’

‘Gross. Don’t call it that,’ she faked a gag, and I thought it was going to turn into a real puke. After she got herself under control, she said, “We might have gone on another date if you didn’t talk about your penis.’

She couldn’t stop talking about my penis. She was obsessed. I asked, “Have you held a ruler yet to see what nine inches looked like in your hands?”

Her gasp was so over-the-top, I knew the answer to the question. She said, ‘That is exactly what I’m talking about. If you didn’t ask questions like that we’d be going on another date. You’re an attractive man. And I haven’t had all sex summer and I was horny. Still am horny, but that’s not for you. You blew it talking about how long your penis is. And that’s another thing! It’s not all about length! A pencil is pretty long, but I wouldn’t want that in me. Why don’t guys talk about their girth measurements? I’d be interested in that.’

The girl was too drunk and horny for her own good. I just let her ramble. Once we got to Estes, I let her give directions to her house. We ended up on a secluded mountain road that was pushing my four-wheel drive.

I said, ‘What did I expect asking a drunk girl for directions? Of course we’re lost.’

Calm, Monica said, ‘We’re not lost. This is exactly where I wanted to repay you for driving me home.’

She unbuckled and brought her knees up onto the seat. On all fours she leaned over the console. With her hands on my button and zipper, she looked up at me. With a smirk she asked, ‘You do take blowjobs as payment right?’

I nodded, ‘Yeah.’

I was not about to stop a sexy girl from sucking my dick. She was drunk but she initiated it, even gave me directions to the secluded spot where I could park. I leaned my seat back and gave her space to work.

Her hands dug me out and her mouth immediately engulfed my soft cock. Her lips pulled stretching me out then sucked me back down. I combed my fingers into her thick brunette hair as her head bobbed up and down in my lap.

She knew what she was doing. I hardened quickly in her mouth, and her teeth didn’t scrape me once. She sucked me deep enough to sensually gag. It was definitely worth the hours in the car in the middle of the night.

When I was getting close, she had to stop and readjust her dress. As she pulled the fabric up her cleavage, she growled, ‘Why did I wear this dress? My tits keep falling out.’

‘You can keep em out,’ I said.

“You wanna see my tits?’

‘Sure,’ I answered. If she was offering, of course I wanted to see.

She lowered her dress, and pulled her tits out the cups of her strapless bra. She held them in her hands facing me. ‘They’re not the biggest but I like them.’

“They look pretty big to me,” I said, staring at this girls nipples in the moonlight through the windshield. She got back on her knees and was going to resume sucking me. I suggested, ‘Want to take it to the back seat? We’ll have more room.’

‘More room for you to fuck me?’

Fuck, I love a dirty mouth. I answered, ‘Yes.’

With her tits still hanging out of her dress, she crawled through the center opening into the back seat. I’ll admit I watched her the whole way. Watched her dress hike up, exposing her ass, exposing her little red thong, exposing the wetness between her legs.

Instead of crawling over, I got out of the car and got in through the door. By the time I got into the backseat, she was finishing slipping her thong off her feet. She was desperately horny and ready to go.

She took control.

She didn’t even ask for a condom. She climbed into my lap, and stuck my cock in her. She rode me hard, stuffing her big tits in my face. Her pussy splashed on my balls with each bounce.

I had to send my mind to a far-off galaxy so I wouldn’t come in her. In this position, there was no physical way to pull out. She owned me. She held my hair and commanded me to sucked her tits. She bucked and ground on me.

Finally she grabbed my face in her hands, panting in exhaustion, she begged, ‘Give it to me hard.’

I threw her face down on the back seat and mounted her from behind. I lost myself and gave her my full cock. Even though I was absolutely railing her, she begged for me to fuck her harder. It was driving me insane. In the cramped back seat of my Four Runner, I fucked this girl harder than I had anyone. I pulled her hair, I smacked her ass, and she wanted it even more. Wanted more degradation. Wanted more cock. I pushed her face into the car seat for leverage and plowed her.

I exhausted myself abusing this girl’s soft body. Finally I pulled out and came all over her ass cheeks.

I wiped the cum with leftover McDonald’s napkins. I opened the door for her to puke all over the ground. I helped her into the front seat. I had to use her phone and look up previous Google Map location to find where she lived. Once there I had to help her walk inside. Had to use the key for her, and dump her in her bed.

I left and went home. She didn’t text me again. I figure she was embarrassed about being such a slut for me. Then a couple months later I discovered that Chandler was dating her.”

Joey looks at me, “When I raw-dogged her like that, I had no clue I’d ever see her again, let alone be a groomsman in her wedding.”

Monica adds, “You know how horny I get when I’m drunk. It wasn’t special. I’m sure plenty of guys have similar stories.”

What the fuck? How many times has my wife gotten blackout drunk and had wild sex? Her comment doesn’t make me feel any better.

Joey clears his throat, “That is a perfect segue to Ross’s secret story.”

Everyone looks to Ross.

Rachel says, “Did you fuck Monica as well!?”

My best friend can only say, “Uhh.”