Don't even bother clicking on this because it's not happening

The octoman never stood a chance.

It’s ambush was clever, hiding itself in the murky water until we were right on top of it. It then burst to the surface in an explosion of filth and sludge that would disorient and confuse it’s prey.

Then with the victims in chaos it would launch its octo-punch attack. A massive five hit combo, resulting in devastating damage.

“OCTO-PU...!!!”

SPLAT!

The red, bulbous head of the monster exploded in a rain of green blood and gore before it’s now headless body splashed back down in the water.

It wasn’t the only attacker. From behind us, three more of the monsters emerged from the depths, clearly intend to finish us off.

“HAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”, Sanakia was upon them almost as fast as Sylphid, although much less graceful. She dispatched one Octoman easy enough but didn’t watch her footing and slipped on the wet ground.

“Eeeeek!”

The remaining Octoman weren’t about to let that opportunity pass by but by that point I had already moved behind them and slit their throats with my twin dirks.

“GEEEEEEEEEEEZ!”, Sylphid laughed and shook her wrist from the worst of the refuse. “You know in times like these it really sucks to be a fist fighter! Eh, oh well! At least I got to see Handsome being all assassiny and stuff!"

Haaaaaaaaaaa.

Why is this happening?

We were moving(more like fighting) through the dinky sewer system of Rasheul.

I remember when I came through here with Cassandra on the way to Ojou-sama’s mansion. Well, it looked the same at least. It certainly did not feature disgusting ocotopi monsters.

And when I say we, I mean:

Sylphid was a given.

If we are planning to go to floor forty and beyond we need someone to take care of the high level monsters that lurk there. In addition, Sylphid was also the only one with a dungeon license. Apparently, when she isn’t fighting in **** tournaments she likes to spend her time digging through caves and ruins, searching for treasure. She is definitely by far the most suited for the job.

Sanakia wouldn’t have been my second choice. But I couldn’t really bring myself to leave the giddy Galmon behind. That said, she was wearing her regular Battle Bikini armor, so she was actually pretty decently strong right now. If she doesn't trip that is.

The real problem was party member number four.

The happy go lucky, well, Lucky, just watched our fight with a big happy smile on her face. As a non combatant she naturally won't participate in any battles. So far, her only contribution was carrying a torch.

But Lucky desperately wanted to come. I couldn’t really refuse her, because apocalypse, and she did at least promise to help us in any luck related matters.

“I wanna see Bea juggle in the arena!”, Lucky told me with bright eyes. “So, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, wanna find Nikkou!”

Well, that was nice and all but it’s not as if Lucky’s insane luck can change the fabric of reality.

There is no conceivable way we are going to find Nikkou down here. As far as dungeons go, Floor 42 isn’t even that deep. It certainly wasn't beyond the top adventurers of the continent. If the holy blade Nikkou was really here, it would have been discovered a long time ago.

So, why exactly is this happening?

I’m pretty much just doing this to humor Sanakia. We head down to floor 42. Have a little look around and once the eager knight is satisfied we head right back. As long as we get out here by midnight my Devil Plan is fine.

Ideally, I would have brought Cassandra along too, since she was good with traps but a party of four was the maximum you were allowed to bring into Rasheul Dungeon. This wasn’t just a legal affair, the huntress pointed out. The dungeon itself prevents any larger party from entering.

Personally, I think Cassandra just didn’t want to accompany us.

Can’t say I blame her. This isn’t how I want to spend my last hours of freedom either.

With a sigh I helped Sanakia back on her feet. She didn't seem to be injured. Not that there was a concern, compared to a tournament fight, these low level monsters are trash.

"How much farther do we have to go, Sylphid?"

"Almost there", the martial artist assured me. "Wasn't expecting that we run into so many monsters. Random Encounters sure suck, eh? Luckily, we won't have to worry about em in the dungeon proper.

Whatever the hell that means.

I shrugged. Deciding that the faster we arrive, the faster we leave I followed Sylphid further down the dark sewers.

...

..

.

“My Lord! We have arrived!”

Sanakia eagerly and very excitedly pointed towards a rusty, old steel door. A faded warning sign was bolted against it.

...what the hell?

“Oh, you weren’t aware, Handsome?”, Sylphid gave me a very worrisome grin. “About the true nature of Rasheul’s Labyrinth?”

No, I was not. I was pretty sure I said as much already.

The grin got wider. “Want me to tell you?”

Fuck, she’s enjoying this way too much. Ever single fiber of my being tells me to turn back now.

...

“Please enlighten me.”

Sylphid smirked mischievously. “You do know how dungeons works, right? Adventurers go in, loot the place and make out like a bandit with a mountain of treasure. Or, if they happen to be unlucky, they succumb to a dungeons traps, monsters or curses and die a gruesome, horrific, agonizing **** cursing the Gods and their own misfortune as they helplessly watch their lifeblood run through their fingers.”

“Yay!”, Lucky giggled.

…

Yes, of course. I mean even I am not that ignorant. Dungeons are dangerous and lethal, which is why I like to stay as far away from them as possible.

But Sylphid was not done yet. “Thing is, adventurers never die in Rasheul’s Labyrinth. They only ever get humiliated.”

...

“H-Humiliated?”, Sanakia gasped and immediately started blushing. “W-what an indecent dungeon!”

“But it sounds fun!”, Lucky added with a grin. “I kinda want to see just how exactly the dungeon is humiliating us!”

I don’t.

At all.

“This is why among adventurers, Rasheul’s Labyrinth is mostly known under a different name.”Sylphid made a dramatic pause. “Humiliation Dungeon.”

...

“We can still stop”, I offered Sanakia who seemed the most off put by this dungeons unique uh...challenge. That warning sign certainly looked ominous.

Unfortunately, the Sexy-Knight took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. “Never, my Lord! No matter what humiliation and mortification may await you, even if you have to debase yourself to levels unprecedented! Even if your dignity will be besmirched and dragged through the mud until not a single clean speck is left. You will not back down. This I know.”

I wonder if I can stealthily knock Sanakia out and drag her back to the tower.

But before that the eager Galmon had already opened the screeching steel door. This thing definitely didn’t see much use in recent years.

Sanakia then boldly stepped inside, followed by Sylphid and Lucky who were having way too much fun given the situation.

Taking one last deep breath, I followed them.

…

After all this build up, I have to say, the first floor of Rasheul’s Labyrinth looked astoundingly anticlimactic.

What awaited us upon entering was a long corridor, inlaid with red brick walls that stretched out into the distance. Some wall mounted torches lit the place up in regular intervals. If you look in a textbook for the definition of dungeon, this was the picture you would find next to it.

What immediately caught my eye however was the large, somewhat ill fitting, sparkling white crystal that hovered right at the entrance.

“That’s a warp crystal”, Sylphid explained while she touched it, bringing up some even less appropriate looking touchscreen interface.“We use this bad boy to immediately teleport all the way down to floor 40. Fun fact: The floor’s down there are randomized. Even I have no idea what awaits us, so don’t be alarmed if we end up in some funky place.”

“Funky?”, I asked, immediately concerned. “What exactly do you mean by funky?”

Sylphid shrugged her shoulders as she deftly checked some boxes and navigated through menu after menu with the casual ease of an experienced dungeon crawler.“You know: Funky!”

“No, I don’t know!“

“Maybe we end up inside a giant, living flesh worm, which stomach acid melts our clothes. Or we get trapped in a room and need to have sex with each other to get out. Or we be **** to work in a maid cafe. Stuff like that.”

...

“Listen, girls. I really don’t think this is a...”

“Party of four. Leader: Handsome, destination: Floor 40...alright, we are ready, set and...go!”

Sylphid hit the accept party prompt and my vision blurred. It was pretty much identical to the teleport they have in the arena so this at least was nothing special.

What I saw next however was.

We found ourselves in the middle of a massive snowstorm. This wasn’t an illusion either. The change in temperature hit me like a brick wall.

I mean, as a Helman citizen I was used to cold temperatures but even for me this was ****. I immediately started shivering.

“H-Hey! Isn’t that a bit much?”, I shouted through the howling blizzard as I tried to retain at least a modicum of body heat.

None of us were dressed for the occasion! At this rate we freeze to ****!

“Hm, it’s a bit chilly eh?”, Sylphid grinned at me, her cheeks a bit flushed and red. “What’s the matter, Handsome? Can’t deal with a bit of cold? Are some of your...pieces maybe getting a bit smaller?”

“My Lord! Please remain vigilant!”, Sanakia had her sword and shield drawn and glared defiantly in the raging snowstorm, seemingly not perturbed by the cold in the slightest. “There might be evil lurking in the dark, ready to strike at a moments notice! Snow bunnies or worse.”

“Uhhh, maybe we run into a Frozen! Did you watch the one in the tournament? They are so hot! Uhh...cool? Eh...you know what I mean.”

“Weeeeeee!”

Lucky was making snow angels.

Oh, right.

I forgot that these guys were insane.